


I Was Married

by recklessdeception



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F, prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 51,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4303050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessdeception/pseuds/recklessdeception
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gail and Holly, as friends, get drunk and married in Vegas. </p><p>[On Hiatus]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** None of the Rookie Blue characters belong to me; I'm just borrowing them for a bit.
> 
>  **A/N:** I've been suffering from writers' block for what feels like forever now, but recently I read this creative writing article that suggested if you have writers' block that you should just sit down and write anything, even if it turns out crappy. Sometimes you have to write to get going, and sure, you'll have some things that shouldn't see the light of day, but you may also produce a gem or two along the way. I'm trying to stop being so harsh on myself and just write. I don't have the time like I used too, and maybe I am a little rusty, but I love being creative, it feels freeing and rewarding, and so I'm just trying to let myself write at the moment, no matter how it turns out.
> 
> This story is a result of that process, and I have no idea how it will turn out.

_You and I were born_

_(Start again, start again)_

_And to my heart confusion rose against_

_The muscles fought so long_

_(Fought so long)_

_To control against the pull of one magnet_

_To another magnet_

– **Tegan And Sara – I Was Married.**

/

Gail becomes aware that she's conscious gradually.

There's a dull, throbbing ache at the base of her skull, that only seems to grow increasingly tighter each time she takes a breath, and a horrid, dry, cotton feeling to her mouth that she can't swallow away.

As her bleary eyes slowly begin to flutter open against the bright, morning sunlight that's streaming into the room, she feels her stomach twist and coil, a wave of nausea rushing through her as she presses her face deeper into her pillow and groans in protest.

An echoing groan fills her ears a moment later, and it's only then that Gail becomes acutely aware of the weight of an arm draped across her hip, and the unexpected warmth of a body pressed flush against her bare back.

"Too bright," a familiar voice mumbles against the nape of her neck, soft lips brushing again her skin as the body nuzzles closer, resisting the harsh reality. "Make it go away."

Gail tries to lull the panic creeping into her chest then, frantically searching her memory for pieces of the jumbled puzzle that was the previous evening. As her mind stumbles over bits and pieces of the night – drinking, dancing, gambling, laughing, a silly idea, a dollar store, a chapel – she forces her eyes open, grimacing against the light once more and glances over her shoulder, her gaze instantly settling upon a mess of ruffled, dark hair.

She curses inwardly, not wanting to believe her memories to be accurate, and lets her gaze trail down to the arm sprawled across her hip, her eyes easily finding the cheap, gold-plastic ring settled upon her best friend's ring finger.

_Fuck_.

/

"What did we _do_?" Holly breathes exasperatedly for the tenth or so time, agitatedly pacing around their room, and actively avoiding making eye contact with her. "I mean, what the _hell_ were we _thinking_ , Gail?"

"We weren't thinking, Hol, that's kinda how this happened," she replies, pressing the heel of her hand against her forehead, trying to ease her pulsing headache, Holly's pacing not helping her waves of dizziness at all.

This was supposed to be a fun, long weekend away, celebrating her upcoming promotion to detective-in-training, blowing off some steam and having a good time. It was never supposed to involve an intoxicated, spontaneous, Elvis-themed wedding to her best friend, and it most certainly wasn't supposed to involve celebrating that wedding by renting the honeymoon suite of some sleazy motel and fucking said best friend in a ridiculous heart-shaped bed.

She thinks about the last time she was in Vegas, young and incredibly naïve as she and Nick made their big plans to get married to piss off her parents, only for her to wake up alone after their first night there, with Nick long gone without even saying goodbye, and her cheap, store bought wedding dress, left hanging in the motel closet with the tags still on, never to be worn.

Vegas, Gail thinks in amusement, should really have gotten a restraining order against her, because apparently she's not capable of making good, adult decisions while she's here.

"It's not funny, Gail," Holly snaps, her eyes flashing with hurt as she briefly glances over at her. "It's not funny at all, we're _married_."

"I'm sorry," Gail replies instantly, not realising she'd been chuckling at her thoughts aloud. "It's not funny, you're right. But can you stop pacing for a second and actually look at me, Hol? Please."

Holly stops pacing immediately, and shyly lets her gaze settle on Gail's. "We got drunk married and slept together, Gail. I don't even... I can't... I feel weird even looking at you."

"I know, I feel weird about all this too, but we're still us," Gail replies softly, offering a small smile and a shrug. "We'll figure this out together, I promise. But for now, quit freaking out because my head's killing me and I can't process. Come sit," she says, holding her hand out for Holly to take and waiting for Holly to step forward and gently grasp her hand before pulling her to sit down next to her on the edge of the bed.

Holly let's Gail curl her arm around her shoulders and pull her to lean against her side, before sighing and murmuring, "Promise me nothing will change, that we won't lose our friendship over this mess, Gail."

Gail leans her cheek against the top of Holly's head and closes her eyes. "You could never lose me, Lunchbox, you know that. Everything will work out how it's supposed too, you don't need to worry, okay," she breathes quietly, sealing her promise with a reassuring kiss to Holly's temple.

/

They come up with an idea once they're back home – well, _Holly_ comes up with an idea, and Gail nods along – they'll get an annulment.

It's simple really, Holly insists, they were beyond drunk while they were in Vegas, so technically it could be argued that they had no idea what they were really agreeing to when they vowed to be wife and wife. All they have to do is argue their case in front of a judge, and then he'll see that it was a mistake and grant them an annulment, no messy divorce papers needed.

It's the perfect plan, until it isn't.

"I just have one final question to ask you before I can make a decision on your case," Judge Sanders says, glancing up from his notes to regard them both seriously. "Was the marriage consummated?"

It catches them both a little off guard, Gail's cheeks instantly flushing a bright, rosy red, and Holly's eyes suddenly refusing to look anywhere but at the ground. It's the one part of their wild weekend in Vegas that they've been actively avoiding talking about. They both know what happened, but the need to discuss it at any length hasn't been something either of them have dared to think about, let alone bring up with one another.

"Well?" Judge Sanders prompts when neither of them speak up to answer his previous question.

"It's... complicated," Gail mumbles, feeling her flush burning hotly at the tip of her ears, her eyes daring to glance over at Holly who is still refusing to look up from her feet.

"It's really not, Officer Peck," Judge Sanders cuts in bluntly. "Either you consummated the marriage or you didn't, so which it is?"

Gail feels herself shrinking back into her chair as he stares over at her, his eyebrow raising questioningly as his patience evidently begins to wear thin. She opens her mouth to respond but finds the words lost on the tip of her tongue, unsure how to explain the situation so that his decision will be made in their favour.

"It was..." Holly mumbles, breaking the uncomfortable silence and looking timidly up at the judge. "I mean, we did... consummate it, that is."

Judge Sanders releases a deep sigh and links his hands together over his notes. "I'm afraid then, that I cannot, in good will, grant you an annulment. You may believe your marriage to be a mistake, but in spite of the alcohol you two consumed, you both, on some level of consciousness, followed traditional marriage conventions, and consummated your union after the ceremony. This leads me to believe that some part of you knew what had happened, and what you were doing. It is with this knowledge that I advise you to seek divorce if you cannot make your marriage work."

The reality of his decision feels like the sharp, jolting sting of a slap across the face, and when they leave the courthouse, Gail finds they're unable to even look at each other. There's an utter, consuming silence surrounding them now, which neither of them knows how to break, and even if either of them could find their voice, Gail knows there's nothing they could say that would change the outcome of what they've done.

/

Holly grows quiet and distant in the days that follow, and Gail feels a hollowness growing inside of her chest at the sudden lack of Holly's presence in her life.

She misses the easiness of their interactions; Holly's silly, nerdy jokes, and her amused lopsided smile whenever Gail's dishing out her best, witty, snarky comments. She misses the comfort she can find in the friendly touches that normally pass between them; a playful slap on the butt, a kiss on the cheek hello, a hug after a bad day, or a friendly snuggle while curled up watching a movie on those cold, dark, wintry Toronto nights they so often have. But what Gail misses most of all is the contentedness that comes from having somebody know her, truly know her in ways the rest of her friends don't. Holly understands her, sometimes better than she understands herself, and she misses their connection, unbearably.

She misses her best friend and she knows there's not much she can do to make things right between them until they figure out their next step, get the ball rolling on their divorce – the idea of which, for reasons she doesn't fully understand, makes her stomach knot unpleasantly and her heart ache dolefully – but she's damn well going to try her best to make Holly smile again.

Gail had truly meant it when she promised Holly that she wouldn't let them lose their friendship over this ordeal, and she intends to do everything in her power to keep it.

/

Holly's eyebrows are drawn together in concentration as she types furiously away on her computer, not noticing Gail's presence in the doorway of her office at all, and so Gail simply watches her best friend for several moments, smiling to herself at seeing Holly so lost in her work.

It's only when Holly finally finishes up her report, hitting the full-stop key loudly in triumph and smiling to herself as she leans back in her chair, that her eyes come to rest on Gail leaning patiently against the door-jamb, watching her with a soft, fond smile.

"Hi," Gail greets in a small voice, suddenly feeling apprehensive now that she's been spotted.

It's only been three days since they last saw each other, but the lack of any communication, no bantering texts throughout the day or late night phone calls to moan about their shifts, makes it feel like it's been far longer.

Holly smiles sheepishly back at her, feeling the guilty weight of her avoidance settling over her. "Hey back."

Gail worries her bottom lip between her teeth as a beat of silence passes between them, causing her to fidget uncomfortably from foot-to-foot, unsure exactly how she should proceed, completely unused to any awkwardness between them, but before she can over-analyse her next move, Holly speaks again.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," she says, her mouth twisting into a sad frown, and her hand going up to nervously adjust her glasses.

"It's okay, I get it," Gail responds, taking a daring step farther into Holly's office.

Holly shakes her head and looks up at her, holding her gaze properly for the first time since before the whole drunk-marriage thing happened.

"It's not okay," Holly retorts. "It's not fair of me to shut down and push you away. I just... I don't know how to deal with all this, Gail. I mean, I thought if I ever got married, it would be the real thing, you know? I never wanted to end up as just another divorce statistic." Gail purses her lips together into a sad, tight line and nods, understanding completely. "And I'm sorry, about the annulment, I just couldn't lie to the judge when he was staring at me all intense and judge-y."

Gail lets out a little laugh and smiles over at her friend, wanting nothing more than to cheer her up a little. "You've always been a terrible liar, Lunchbox. Besides, I'm a total, badass, cop-hottie, why on earth would you lie to a judge about that. I personally think he wanted me, and that's why he got so uppity about whether we consummated our marriage or not. He's envious you got to see this," she gestures along her body and smirks playfully. "in all its naked glory, and he didn't."

Holly bites at her lip, trying and failing miserably to hold back her amusement at Gail's antics. "You're insane, you know that right?" she teases with a bright smile. "Not to mention your ego can barely fit in my office right now."

Gail waggles her eyebrows at her in response, attempting her best over-exaggerated, sexy smirk, and making Holly break out into a hearty laugh. It's easily the most enchanting sound Gail's heard in days, and she feels herself breaking into an affectionate smile just because of it. "I've missed you," she confesses quietly once Holly's laughter has died down.

"Missed you too," Holly murmurs back, pushing herself up from her seat to step forward and wrap her arms around Gail, drawing her in for a much needed hug.

Gail feels herself melt into Holly's embrace, and takes a second to close her eyes and breathe her in, finally feeling content again after days of feeling nothing but anxious. She feels Holly's fingers grasping tightly at her through her uniform and knows that her best friend has felt the same.

/

"I guess we better get a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings," Holly says the next day as Gail helps her soap up her hand enough that the cheap, gold-plastic ring enclosing Holly's ring finger finally comes loose.

"The ring's barely off and you're already moving on, gotta say, that hurts a little, Hol," Gail jests, drying her own hands, and placing the ring down on the kitchen counter. "I know it's not 24-carat or anything, but at least I got you one, as intoxicated as I was and all."

Holly tilts her head to the side and smiles fondly at her. "Well you shouldn't have proposed if you were just going to give a gal a cheap ring."

"Shouldn't have accepted if you were that put off by my offering," Gail quips back, earning herself a slap to the butt with the dish-towel. "At least I proposed in a nice setting, like a true romantic."

"Wendy's is not nice setting for a proposal," Holly laughs, taking the ring from the counter and studying it for a moment before chucking it over at Gail. "Bin that," she instructs, before turning and gathering the fresh fish and veggies they've bought to prepare for dinner.

"I provided you with a large portion of fries and a large chocolate Frosty, so don't act like you were hard done by, Stewart," Gail fires back playfully.

Holly just hums in agreement, her focus diverted as she carefully chops the vegetables, and Gail takes her moment of distraction to stare down at the cheap, gold-plastic ring suddenly in her hands. She doesn't understand why the idea of throwing it away causes her heart to pinch painfully, but it does, and so as stupid as it seems – even to her – she slides the ring into her pocket for safekeeping.

After dinner, Holly settles down on the couch with her laptop in her lap, looking up local lawyers while Gail searches through Netflix for something for them to watch. They settle on watching the second episode of some wildlife documentary series, and after a good twenty minutes, Holly huffs out heavily in frustration and slams her laptop closed.

Gail jumps a little at the sudden sound and flicks her eyes over to her best friend. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," Holly snaps, and then instantly reaches out to cover Gail's hand, squeezing gently in apology. "I'm sorry, it's just the wrong time for all of this to be happening. I have my research article due in a couple of months, and I'm up for my yearly review at work next week. I could have really just done without the added stress and paperwork of divorce."

Gail shifts so that she's facing Holly more fully on the couch and reaches out to tug affectionately at a strand of hair that's come loose from her ponytail. "There's no rush on getting the divorce, Hol," she says consolingly, offering Holly a soft smile. "If it's stressing you out, why don't we just wait a couple of months until things have calmed down and go from there. We know it needs to happen eventually, but I'm not trying to take you for half your house and alimony, and you're not trying to steal my vinyl collection, so I don't think we'll cause each other any harm if we wait a little."

Holly stares back at her quietly for a few seconds, weighing her suggestion up. "Are you sure you don't mind waiting? I mean, what about those blind dates your mother has planned for you? She'll be furious if she finds out about this."

"Of course I don't mind waiting," Gail smirks in response, her eyes twinkling mischievously. "Hol, now I can finally give my mother a _real_ reason why I can't go out with any more of her pretentious, boring, fake-accent bachelors instead of making shit up."

"Oh? And what exactly will you say when you cancel on these fine, eligible young men your mother has searched out for you?" Holly teases back, feeling relief flooding over her at not having to deal with any of it just yet.

Gail curls her fingers around Holly's own and draws her hand up to her mouth, lightly dusting a kiss across the back of Holly's knuckles, and jests, "That my smart, sexy _wife_ is all that I need and all that I want."

"What a charmer I've managed to bag for myself," Holly laughs in response as she pulls her hand back. She sets her laptop down on the floor then and reaches out to grab at Gail's arm, tugging at her until Gail's shifting to come cuddle up against her side. "As long as you're sure you don't mind waiting a little while?"

"I really don't. Now _shhh,_ watch," Gail hums as she nuzzles herself closer until she's comfortable.

As they resume watching the wildlife documentary, Gail feels her eyes growing heavy and fluttering closed as Holly's fingers start idly running through her hair and scratching soothingly at her scalp, leaving her feeling utterly happy and content.

Everything finally feeling like it's back to the way it should be.

A little while later, seconds just before she feels herself starting to drift into a deep sleep, Gail hears a voice – strangely, it sounds a lot like her own – echoing inside her head that maybe what she said wasn't just a joke, maybe she really does have everything that she needs and wants already.

In the days that follow, she finds herself unable to escape the feeling that maybe the voice is right; maybe, just maybe, Holly has been what she needs and what she wants all along.

_Fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you all for the amazing feedback on the first chapter, I'm beyond thrilled that you're enjoying the story so far.**

They put the divorce on hold and stay married, only they're not _really_ married. Legally, they are, but in every other way it feels like nothing between them has changed at all.

(Except in some ways, for Gail at least, it _has_...)

None of their friends know what's happened, they don't tell their parents, there's no big party to celebrate, no changing of any personal details at work. They don't move in together – although Gail spends 90% of her free time at Holly's townhouse, and always has – they don't get a joint banking account, and they most certainly aren't intimate.

Despite relaxing back into their normal friendship balance – no more needless avoidance – and finding ways to make the situation more bearable by teasing each other, they both seem to have silently agreed not to broach the topic of their night together in any seriousness. Gail is straight after all, or so she'd always thought, but as flashes of recollection of their weekend begins to come back to her in more and more detail, Gail can't deny that somewhere along the line, her feelings for Holly have changed.

It's a little problematic given that they're planning on getting divorced within the next few months, and not to mention Holly has no idea of Gail's evolving feelings for her, but Gail tries her best to work through this new development alone, not wanting to add any stress to her already overworked and freaking out best friend.

It becomes difficult for Gail to focus at times though, especially when her mind fills with images of Holly's soft, smooth, curvaceous body beneath her pale hands, and the sweet, supple, fullness of Holly's tantalizingly, kissable lips working against her own. In response, she finds herself growing more acutely aware of the way Holly touches her and looks at her, and the way she is with Holly in return. Their teasing, harmless banter now feels like it walks the line between playful and flirting, and it makes Gail wonder if she's seeing their interaction coloured by her own desires or whether they've always been blurring the balance between friendship and something more.

It's too many questions and not enough answers, but the one thing Gail does know, as she fiddles with the cheap, gold-plastic ring she keeps in her pocket at all times, is that she appears to be falling in love with her unsuspecting wife.

/

Gail's heard the story before, about Holly's parents and their awful, messy divorce – that to an eleven year old Holly, never seemed to end. Like many children whose parents are divorced, Holly had grown up with a rucksack always filled with her most important belongings, and spent her weekends being passed off between her mother and father, never really getting enough time to feel settled in either of their homes.

Holly's confessed to her before, early on in their friendship, back when Gail had burned her wrist, and Holly had picked her up from the hospital to find tears in her eyes and the look of devastation on her face as she finally got the truth from McNally about her relationship with Collins, that she too wasn't good at relationships. She knows people shouldn't let their parents' mistakes shape them, but Holly's also self aware enough to acknowledge that because of their viscous divorce, she finds it hard to trust, that she doesn't love easily but when she does she's all in, she's committed one hundred percent.

It's how Gail knows that Holly takes marriage and its vows deadly serious, and that their drunken union isn't just something Holly can just easily write off. She knows that what they've done in their intoxicated haze has hurt Holly deep down in her very core, and that despite the brave face she's putting on, it really does pain Holly to know that she will end up as a divorcee. Knowing that she's part of the reason why her best friend is hurting, wounds Gail deeply in return, more than anything else ever has.

She knows she can't make Holly love her, that's not how the heart works, or at least that's not how it works as she's come to understand it from her failed attempts at romance – trying unsuccessfully to keep hold of both Chris and Nick – but she's more than determined to try and make Holly happy while she can, to make sure that her time-constrained marriage is as stress free, and filled with joy as she can possibly make it.

Gail Peck has a plan; it's simple and contrived, but she thinks it might make the sorrow lingering just behind the surface of Holly's beautiful, brown eyes fade and return them to their usual glimmering brightness, and that is, she feels, the least she can do for her best friend.

The plan, as stupid as it seems, is this; happy wife, happy life.

/

Watching Holly in Doctor Stewart mode is a thing of beauty.

Most of the other officer's in Gail's division, while appreciating the evidence Holly supplies for their cases, don't appreciate the science behind Holly's forensic work. It's intricate and a little morbid, but it honours the dead, giving a voice to those that no longer can speak for themselves. Watching Holly unravel the decade old story of Robbie Robbins was one of the first things to truly draw Gail to Holly... well, the precision of her work and the way she sassed Gail right back without batting an eyelid.

After they became friendly, and Gail started spending more and more time with Holly, often being the officer elected to go to the lab and wait on results, Gail found her fascination of what Holly did for a living growing immensely. Doctor Stewart was a nerd all right, but she was a smart, funny, and witty nerd, and Gail embraced their banter full-heartedly. She even embraced Holly's teaching, pretending at first to be aloof and uninterested, but quickly losing the desire to hide her curiosity whenever a pair of latex gloves were thrown her way.

Holly is brilliant and dedicated when it comes to her mind, but Gail also knows that Holly can also get so wrapped up in what she's doing, that her big nerd brain forgets sometimes that Holly is more than just Doctor Stewart, that sometimes she needs to take a break to refresh her both her mind and her body.

This knowledge of her best friend is how Gail finds herself heading to the lab late one Friday night, clutching a bag of food from their favourite Thai restaurant.

Holly glances up at her as Gail taps on the window, holding up the bag for Holly to see and then tapping her wrist to indicate the time. Holly's gaze instantly flicks up to the clock hanging above the door and her eyes widen slightly as she takes in the late hour.

While she leaves Holly to finish up her autopsy, Gail heads into Holly's office and begins unpacking the cartons of food, making sure to grab the glasses and secret bottle of bourbon Holly keeps in her bottom desk drawer.

Holly rushes into the room a few moments later, looking dishevelled and exhausted but still as beautiful as ever.

"I forgot our dinner reservation, didn't I?" Holly says with a grimace, not really needing Gail to confirm her statement and accepting the bourbon gratefully.

"Yes, Lunchbox, you did," Gail replies anyway with a cheeky smile, settling her palm at the small of Holly's back and gently ushering her to sit down. "But don't worry, you only left me sitting alone for _forty_ minutes before the waiters took pity on me for being stood up and offered to package me up some food to take home."

Holly's eyebrows knit together guiltily, and she flashes Gail a sheepish smile. "I'm so sorry, honey, I honestly didn't mean to stand you up. Detective Swarek showed up an hour before I was due to leave with a fresh body and asked me to get him results ASAP."

"Why am I not surprised it was Detective Douchebag that made you stay late," Gail quips with a scowl, never having been fond of Sam or his arrogant rule-bending.

"Gail," Holly admonishes softly, reaching out to nudge Gail's calf with her foot. "He's just doing his job."

"He got to go home to McNally after he dumped this on you, whereas _my wife_ is here, working, and probably hasn't stopped all day to eat until this very moment," Gail fumes, feeling unusually protective and annoyed, and not even noticing the term of endearment that's slipped from her mouth as she stabs at another piece of chicken. "This could have waited until the morning, Holly. You tell him that next time, okay? I'm not having you working yourself to the bone."

Holly studies her quietly for a few moments, her eyes softening, and her lips quirking into an adoring smile as her chest rushes with appreciation for the grumpy, cat-like officer sitting in-front of her and grumbling on her behalf.

"What?" Gail questions a second later as she catches Holly staring at her strangely. "I know, I know, lame bone joke, but it's late and I'm not at my best," she breathes out heavily. "And I know you're going to say that I need to play nice with others, but so does Sam. Seriously, Hol, if he has a problem with you waiting until the morning to do an autopsy next time, you send him my way."

Holly shakes her head in refute. "Actually, I was going to say thank you, for taking care of me," she says appreciatively, setting her container down onto her desk and moving to stand next to Gail. "And for defending my honour, you're very sweet, Peck," she adds in a low murmur, holding Gail's gaze for a brief second as she reaches out to gently cup her cheek, her lips lowering to press a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of Gail's mouth.

Gail feels her heart thundering in her chest and a shiver rippling down her spine as Holly's lips catch the corner of her own, and as Holly pulls away to smile fondly at her, Gail feels the tips of her ears burning hotly, a blush creeping up her neck and settling high in her cheeks.

"I'm _not_ sweet," she huffs weakly, quickly ducking her eyes down towards her lap in the hope that Holly doesn't catch on to the affect her touch is suddenly having on her best friend.

Holly chuckles affectionately at Gail's swift shift from brawny and protective to bashful and uncomfortable, never failing to be amazed at how behind Gail's hard, tough shell, is the softest, most gentlest of hearts.

She doesn't let many people see her vulnerable side, but over the years of their friendship, Holly's caught glimpses of it, and even been so lucky as to slowly be allowed inside, and she knows, that despite what Gail says, she is the sweetest, warmest, most wonderful person.

Holly pats her cheek softly at Gail's protest, and lovingly caresses her thumb along Gail's pouty bottom lip. "Deny it all you want, Gail, but you _are_ sweet," she says, her trademark lopsided smile pulling at the corner of her lips. "But don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I promise never to tell anybody... but if they do ask, I'll say I'm sweet and you're spice, and together we're everything nice, how's that?"

Gail rolls her eyes at Holly's utter nerdiness, but smiles despite herself. "Well, it sounds like we're just the right mix, Lunchbox," she jests, trying to ignore the way her stomach is fluttering to life as she lets herself get momentarily lost in Holly's beautiful, dark eyes for a second longer than she should.

"Opposites attract, it's scientific fact," Holly sing-songs flippantly, her eyes playful as she leans in to boop Gail on the tip of the nose, distracting the blonde long enough that she's able to reach over and steal Gail's carton of food.

Gail let's Holly take it without a fight, her mind too busy trying to figure out if Holly's words indicate that she's feeling the same shift Gail is in their relationship, or whether Holly is completely unaware and just goofing around like they're so used to doing.

All the uncertainty surrounding where they stand with each other now is enough to leave Gail's head spinning.

/

She's halfway through her shift, working over some case notes on a homicide when Holly settles a fresh cup of coffee and a sandwich in front of her a few days later.

"Can you take some time for lunch, Detective?" Holly asks with a hopeful smile, perching on the corner of Gail's desk.

Gail smiles up at her as she grabs her coffee and leans back in her chair, taking a long, deep sip. "For my favourite pathologist, always," she quips with a smile. "What brings you out of the lab, Doc? Didn't you have hours of paperwork to catch up on today?"

Holly sighs in response, moving to throw herself in the chair on the opposite side of Gail's desk. "I needed a break," she explains, her fingers beginning to peel away the paper from her sandwich. "Plus, I needed to ask you a favour."

"Ah, I see how it is, you're bribing me with food," Gail teases around a mouthful of her sandwich, rolling her eyes as Holly shakes her head and chastises her for speaking with her mouth full. "What's the favour, Lunchbox?"

"I got a call from Lisa this morning, she's coming into town this weekend for a conference and wants to stay at my place," Holly discloses cautiously, knowing full well that Gail and her oldest friend do not get along, _at all_.

Gail frowns at the news. "So, you want me to be nice to BitchTits while she's here even though she thinks I'm an unworthy, uneducated, blue collar cop, and hates that you've lowered your standards to be friends with me?"

Holly releases another heavy sigh, tired but completely used to the standing issue between Gail and Lisa that neither of them can seem to let go of.

"Honey, you know that's not how I see you," Holly reassures softly. "I told Lisa where to shove her opinion of you the first time she voiced it at The Penny and I'll do it again if she unleashes her inner, elitist bitch. But I'd really appreciate it if you could try to get along with her."

"I hope you're having this conversation with her too, Hol, because I don't see why I should have to try while she just gets to get away with her usual shit," Gail sulks, throwing the remainder of her sandwich away and crossing her arms grumpily over her chest.

Holly reaches up to rub tiredly at her eyes, knocking her glasses slightly askew as she does so. "I will, but you and I both know that Lisa will never change, she's too self absorbed."

"But _I_ have to?" Gail grumbles back defensively.

Holly presses her lips together tightly in response and shakes her head. "No, you don't, but I'm hoping you'll try and get along with her while she's here, for _my_ sake because I know you're the better person," she says wearily as she stands up and gathers her things. "But if you don't think you can handle two days with her, don't come over this weekend, okay? I don't think you and Lisa realise how much it hurts me when you bicker over me like I'm some sort of prized possession. I love you both, and I hate being made to feel guilty for that."

"Hol..." Gail calls after her aimlessly, watching as her best friend stalks angrily away without waiting for Gail to respond.

Normally, when it comes to Lisa, Gail digs her heels in and resists taking the higher road. Lisa is a bitch to her, and so in turn Gail acts like the biggest brat she can. It's infantile and immature but something about Lisa just gets under her skin and pushes her buttons in all the wrong ways. She long ago accepted that she and Lisa were never going to be friends, but somehow, Holly's usual disappointment in her over this, combined with the new, added significance of the cheap, gold-plastic ring in her pocket, makes Gail's stubborn resolve begin to crumble away.

Marriage is all about compromise, and while theirs may not be a traditional marriage so to speak, Gail's silently sworn to herself that she will do her best to uphold all of the conventional vows.

Love, Gail's coming to understand, is about putting somebody else's needs first, and her wife _needs_ something from her that she could easily give if she wanted too. Holly's not demanding much of her really, and knowing how happy her being civil to Lisa for a few hours will make Holly – how much Holly will _appreciate_ her effort – makes Gail determined to find a way to put aside her adamancy and concede to what Holly's asking.

/

It takes a little bit of thought and planning, but Gail comes up with a solution to show Holly that she's willing to get along with Lisa.

The first thing she does is call her mother, asking if there's any way she can call in some favours and get her tickets for the highly anticipated and already sold out showing of Carmen at the Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts.

Her mother seems suspicious of her request, prying as to whether they're needed for a date Gail has, and only relents in her barrage of questioning when Gail mentions they're for Holly. If there's one thing her mother loves more than trying to arrange set-ups for her only daughter, it's Holly Stewart. She's the stunning example of an accomplished woman, and if it wasn't for Holly being a lesbian, Gail's sure her mother would have tried to match-make her with Steve just so she could finally have a doctor included amongst the Pecks. When her mother ends the call wishing Holly and her assumed date a wonderful time at the opera, the petulant part of Gail wants to lash out and stun her mother with the news that the only woman Holly's been with lately is her. Oh, how her mother would stutter like a fish out of water if she knew the esteemed Doctor Stewart had drunkenly married her consistently disappointing daughter.

(The image alone is enough to keep Gail amused for hours).

She knows Holly won't be expecting to see her tonight, given how abruptly their last meeting ended and the lack of communication they've exchanged in the hours since, but Gail decides that as she's trying to do the right thing, Holly can't be mad at her for turning up unannounced.

Holly ends up looking more than a little shocked as she answers the door to find Gail standing on her front step later that evening, dressed in smart black jeans, a crisp white shirt, complete with a black tie fixed loosely around the collar, and holding a large, beautiful tiger lily bouquet.

Gail smile's softly as Holly's stares back at her, her mouth slightly agape as she processes what she's seeing, her expression slowly flickering from confusion into one of awe.

"Wife," Gail greets quietly, her mouth curling into a playful smirk as she presents the flowers for Holly to take.

Holly smiles at her antics, shaking her head ever so slightly as she accepts the bouquet. "They're beautiful," she murmurs, lifting them up to her nose to breath them in.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Gail says as Holly's eyes drift back to hers. "I was being a brat about Lisa, and we- _I_ should know better than to make you feel bad for caring about either of us, it's not fair on you."

"Thank you," Holly replies earnestly, truly touched at the gesture. A moment of silence passes between them then as Holly's appreciative gaze drifts back over Gail's attire. "Did you really get all dressed up to come and apologise?"

Gail shakes her head and reaches into her jean's back pocket, drawing her hand back to present an envelope to Holly.

"I got dressed up because _a)_ I know how hot it makes you when I'm all suited and booted," she teases with a wink, secretly relishing in the slight flush that creeps into Holly's cheeks, knowing that her best friend has a weakness for women in formal attire, "and _b)_ ," Gail continues with a grin as she watches a look of astonishment pass in Holly's eyes as she accepts the envelope and reveals the tickets, "because tonight I'm going to chauffeur you and Lisa to the opera."

She watches as Holly's mouth opens and closes wordlessly for a few seconds, the surprise of Gail's gesture clearly stumping her for words to say. "Tickets for this were sold out," Holly stutters, finally finding her voice. "I know that because I tried to get tickets but missed out... how on _earth_ did you manage to get these?"

"Besides being a pain in my ass, the Peck name has got to be good for something, right? And bribing people for opera tickets is as good a use as any," Gail grins with a shrug. "Now go and tell Lisa to hurry and get changed, we have to leave in half and hour if we want to beat the traffic."

She can practically feel the excitement radiating from Holly as her face lights up with a beaming smile, and not needing to be told twice, Holly quickly pulls Gail into a one-armed hug before practically spinning on her heels and dashing inside, calling out for Lisa to hurry up and get her ass in gear.

/

Holly's a beautiful woman.

It's not like Gail doesn't know this, or hasn't noticed it before, but for the first time in their friendship, Gail finds herself absolutely blown away with how stunning her best friend truly is.

As Holly slowly emerges down the stairs in a gorgeous royal blue, knee-length cocktail dress that Gail's never seen her in before, she feels the time around her slowing down like she's one of the lead actors in some cheesy Hollywood rom-com.

The sound of her heartbeat racing swiftly echoes loudly through her body as she's struck by absorbing every tiny detail; the way the fabric seems to hug Holly's body in all the right ways, highlighting the enchanting curve of her waist, and the glorious pertness of her derrière; the soft, silky waves of thick, lushness hair that tumbles down around Holly's shoulders, framing the soft lines of her face exquisitely. But it's the rather low cut, teasing v-neckline that really catches Gail's attention, her eyes uncontrollably drawn down along Holly's bare neck, along her beautifully exposed collarbones, and down to the subtle, revealed swell of Holly's breasts.

She feels herself swallow thickly, her skin prickling with the need to reach out and touch; to trace her fingertips across the softness of Holly's flesh, and to press her lips to the suppleness of Holly's own and taste her with her tongue. The desire feels like a fire that's caught light in her chest, quickly growing hotter and hotter as it spreads easily throughout every inch of her body, and it's all she can do to her clench her fingers tightly into fists, her nails biting painfully into her palm and just barely holding her back from risking everything and sweeping Holly into arms.

Luckily, Lisa snaps her from her trance before Holly notices the way she's leering appreciatively, her eyes stealing a final glance at the long, smooth length of Holly's legs before she forces herself to fully regain control.

"Wow, you really do look the part, Peck," Lisa sneers, appearing from behind Holly as they reach the entryway, and hiding the true bite of her remark with a smile as fake as her tits. "If only you'd worn a little driver's hat and actually owned a limo, then your effort as chauffeur would be complete."

Gail feels her heckles rise at the remark but grinds her teeth together, determined to play nice for Holly's sake. "Wasn't able to rent a limo in time I'm afraid, so my father's Jaguar will have to suffice this evening," she replies, forcing herself to smile. "It's nice to see you again, Lisa."

The comment about her father's Jaguar being the vehicle of choice for the night seems to be enough to satisfy Lisa for a short while at least, and instead of continuing on her elitist rant, she simply offers Gail a proper greeting in return. "Nice to see you too, Gail," she says as politely as she can manage. "I hear it's finally _Detective_ Peck now, too."

Gail feels herself stumble a little at the remark, unaware that Holly has shared news of her promotion with Lisa. Holly simply flashes her an apologetic smile, but Gail just takes what she assumes is an intended patronising comment, and nods.

"Yep," she drawls, popping the 'p' with a little more force than necessary. "I'm finally moving on up in the ranks."

"Well, you have my congratulations," Lisa says sounding somewhat sincere. "Holly says you beat out several other applicants, very impressive."

Gail smiles tightly, not entirely sure how earnest Lisa's good wishes are, or how exactly to handle this new level of civility they've somewhat stumbled into, but reminding herself to remain the bigger person at all expense.

"Thank you," she manages to reply gracefully, assuming that Holly has indeed had words with Lisa about playing nice too, and that what she's experiencing now is Lisa on her best behaviour.

It feels weird and wrong, and Gail finds herself clearing her throat a little stiffly and glancing at her watch, hoping that it's time for them to leave.

Thankfully, Holly picks up on her cue, and cuts through the awkward tension that's bubbling between them. "Is it time for us to go yet?"

Gail nods in response and offers Holly a reassuring smile. "I'm ready when you are, ladies."

Once they agree that they're all set to go, Gail reaches for the door and holds it open for them in her best act of chivalry, earning herself an appreciative look and squeeze to the arm as Holly passes by her.

/

She remains silent for most of the drive over, fulfilling her role as chauffeur to perfection as she leaves Holly and Lisa to chatter away excitedly together in the back. It's only once they pull up outside, and Gail gets out to open the door for them that words pass between them again. Her mind tells her to keep her mouth shut, but her heart chooses to ignore the advice, and Gail find the words leaving the tip of her tongue before she can even think to hold them back.

"You look really breathtaking, Hol."

The compliment rushes out of her in one long breath, and she feels her cheeks flushing hotly as both Holly and Lisa's eyes widen slightly in surprise at her sudden, and unexpected outburst. Holly's eyes soften as they meet hers, her adorable, crooked smile suddenly turning a little shy, and Gail feels her heart swell at the sight of it.

"Of course she does, I styled her in one of _my_ old, last season dresses," Lisa chips in arrogantly, and Gail finally understands why she's never seen Holly, who's not really into keeping up with the latest fashion trends, wearing it before. "It's not quite as on point as mine, but Holly's making it work well enough."

Gail bites at her tongue, forcing herself not to tell Lisa that Holly could be wearing a garbage bag and still look ten times better than she could ever dream of looking. Luckily for her, Holly shoots Lisa a glare of her own and tells her to shut up. Lisa huffs in response, muttering that she's cold and heads inside to wait without so much as a thank-you, but Gail finds she doesn't care, she's just proud that Holly's standing up for herself.

"Don't listen to her," Gail emphasises as her gaze falls to Holly's again, noticing the way Holly's stance has deflated slightly at Lisa's rude remark. " _You_ are what's breathtaking, not the dress."

Holly bites bashfully at her bottom lip in response. "Thank you," she murmurs quietly, her lips curling into a soft, beautiful smile and her eyes brightening again.

"You're welcome," Gail replies sincerely, and then nods her head towards the entrance. "You should head inside if you don't want to miss the show. I'll be back to pick you up once it finishes, I promise."

Holly stares back at her intensely for what feels like a long, drawn out moment, her mind clearly whirring away and trying to process something before she speaks again. "Why didn't you get yourself a ticket too? I know you could have. You've been wanting to see this with me for months, Gail," she says knowingly, well aware of Gail's secret appreciation for the classical arts. "You could have come along with us."

"Because..." Gail exhales slowly, trying to find the right words to explain her decision without making Holly feel like she's being forced to choose between her and Lisa again. "Because I thought you should spend some quality time catching up with Lisa."

Holly shakes her head at her weak answer, opening her mouth to protest, but Gail cuts her off by quickly expanding her answer.

"She's only in town for the weekend, Hol, and despite what a catty bitch she can be, it's clear she misses you. She wants to see _you_ , not you _and_ me, despite me being as wonderful as I am," she jokes with a smirk that has Holly shaking her head fondly at her. "So I decided to be selfless, just this once, and share, because I know how fortunate I am to get quality Holly time all year round, but mostly because I know I would be just as jealous and needy if the situation were reversed."

Holly laughs at her honesty, her eyes lighting beautifully as she smiles. "So, I guess I really owe you for being the bigger person for me and being so utterly selfless, huh?" she teases.

"Of course, I'm totally holding you to making this up to me, Stewart, you knew when you took me on that Peck's don't share well," she jests back playfully.

"I will, I promise," Holly replies, stepping into Gail's personal space and wrapping her arms tightly around Gail's neck to pull her into an impossibly close embrace.

Gail feels her eyes flutter closed as Holly's body melds against her own, her nose getting lost in the intoxicating floral scent of Holly's hair as she breathes her in, and her hands tracing up the length of her back to hold Holly closer still.

It feels like their hug is over all to quick as Holly begins to pull back again only mere seconds later, her arms loosening their grip from around Gail's neck, but her hands maintaining their contact as they suddenly smooth down across Gail's shoulders, her fingertips moving to toy playfully with Gail's tie as their eyes meet again.

"Just for the record, you do look ridiculously sexy like this, Peck," Holly purrs in a low, sultry voice that makes Gail's whole body shudder in response.

Holly doesn't give her the chance to respond, instead she simply follows her comment up with a chaste kiss to Gail's cheek, whispering her thanks for the tickets, and then steps back and makes her move to head inside to watch the show, throwing a flirtatious smirk over her shoulder as she goes, and leaving Gail totally speechless.

/

Gail's almost asleep when her phone vibrates with a message, illuminating the darkness of her room and forcing her eyes open once more. She automatically reaches to grab it from her nightstand, expecting it to be Holly thanking her once again for arranging the whole night for her and Lisa and seeing them home safely, but finds herself shocked back more fully awake as she see Lisa's name on the screen instead.

Her eyes swiftly scan the message, her lips pursing together tightly as she imagines Lisa's condescending tone while she reads what she's written; ' _Holly wouldn't stop talking about how wonderful you are all evening, so much so that I almost thought you had planned this whole night just to work out in your favour. But then I realised I can't be even remotely annoyed with you, Peck... not when you make Holls light up as happily as she did tonight. Keep taking care of our girl this well and I might actually start to like you. BitchTits x_ _PS – Thanks for the tickets, the show was delightful_ _'._

The message makes Gail simultaneously roll her eyes and smirk in amusement at Lisa's attempt to be friendly, but her smirk soon turns into a smile as she gets confirmation that Holly really did have a good night with her friend. As she scrolls down to the end of the message to reply with some witty remark, she catches sight of an unexpected photo Lisa's attached for her.

It feels like her lungs constrict at the overwhelming impact, her breath catching heavily in the back of her throat and her pulse racing uncontrollably beneath her skin as she drinks in the sight of Holly, completely unaware of being observed, watching the opera with rapt attention, her mouth curled up into a beautiful, soft smile, and her eyes sparkling joyfully.

She's the most beautiful woman Gail's ever seen, and as Gail stares adoringly at the photo, utterly unable to look away, she knows, without a doubt, that she really is in deep trouble now.

She's falling in love with her best friend, hard and fast, and there's no way she can stop herself.

...and even if she could, Gail's not sure she would want to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you for all your continued love and support.

Time continues to pass in much the same vein over the following few weeks, they stay silently married but not really _married_ married, and the only thing that really changes is that Gail grows more and more certain of her feelings for Holly, and more and more confused about Holly's feelings for her.

Sometimes, like that night at the opera, Gail feels like Holly is moving past their usual, friendly banter and actually blurring the lines of their relationship by flirting with her, but then the majority of the time, Holly acts as normal as she always has around her, and Gail ends up feeling like she's just projecting her emotions onto Holly, wishfully hoping that Holly is responding to her longing in kind.

The worst part about falling in love with her best friend, who also happens – thanks to that one _very_ inebriated weekend in Vegas – to now be her wife, is that she can't talk to Holly about any of it.

Talking is the one thing in their friendship that has always come naturally to them. Unlike with most people Gail's known throughout her lifetime, she's somehow always found it easy to just let her guard down and open up with Holly, completely able to say how she's really feeling without holding anything back. She knows Holly has never judged her for being brutally honest, or considered her mean or emotionally stunted whenever she struggles to process and voice her emotions. Holly's never expected or asked Gail to be anything other than who she already is, and Gail wonders if Holly's unconditional acceptance of her is part of the reason why she's suddenly realising that her feelings towards her best friend have always verged on being deeper than they should.

Communication is supposed to be key in marriage, Gail thinks ironically, and yet all she seems able to do lately when it comes to Holly and her feelings is to talk around what she really wants to talk about. The words keep making their way up from the core of her heart and settling on the tip of her tongue, waiting patiently for Gail to be brave enough to speak them, and yet every time Holly's warm eyes stare back into her own – utterly full of trust and affection – she feels herself swallowing them back down into the dark pits of her stomach, too terrified that the truth may cost her everything.

The risk, especially at this stage in their friendship, feels far too great for Gail to just take a chance on without being certain that Holly does share her feelings. So no matter how hard she tries lately, Gail finds she's unable to quiet the struggle that's raging obtrusively in her mind.

Sometimes the battle waging between her head and her heart becomes so deafening that she's unable to get her body to relax enough for sleep to come to her. It's even worse on the nights that Gail stays over at Holly's, when her inner-turmoil gets amplified by their closeness. It's all she can do on those nights to stay silent and still, hoping that her restless thoughts doesn't disturb Holly, and watch enviously as her best friend sleeps peacefully beside her, totally unaware of the dilemma that plagues her.

"You're thinking too loudly," Holly mumbles in the early hours of Sunday morning, catching Gail amidst her quandary.

The sound of Holly's voice startles her a little, jolting her from her thoughts, and leaves her more than a little surprised that she's woken given how heavy Holly normally sleeps. Apparently her best friend is not as unaware as Gail hopes.

"Sorry," Gail murmurs back, letting her hand reach out to rub comfortingly down Holly's back, hoping to lull her back into the sweetness of her dreams. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"S'okay," Holly yawns, shuffling around to face her, her voice sleepy but concerned. "Why're you not asleep? Bad dream?"

Gail opens her mouth to respond with the truth, so completely exhausted from keeping her feelings a secret, but then just as quickly presses her lips together and stops herself. It would be foolish, she thinks, to just blurt it out when neither of them are fully awake and thinking clearly.

Instead, she opts to share the other question that's been playing on her mind for the last couple of days. "Do you believe if destiny?" she asks timidly. "You know, the whole idea of fate and soulmates?"

Holly blinks blearily back at her for a couple of seconds, her mind gearing up slowly and processing how she should respond. "That's a pretty deep question for this time at night," she whispers into the lingering darkness that's still blanketing the room, shuffling her head across to share Gail's pillow so that she can make out her eyes in dim light. "What's brought all this on?"

"McNally," Gail divulges quietly. Holly hums knowingly, accustomed to Andy being the source of annoyance for her best friend on numerous occasions, and hooks her foot around Gail's ankle, nudging her slightly to hint that she should expand further. "She was going on about Sam, as bloody usual," Gail grunts adversely. "Waxing poetically that he was her soulmate, and how they were just destined to be together."

"She's such a fairytale princess," Holly snorts in response, making the corners of Gail's lips tug up into an amused smile. "But as disturbing as the idea of McSwarek as soulmates is, even to me," Holly comments softly, nudging Gail gently with her foot again, "I highly doubt that's what's really keeping you up, honey."

"It just got me thinking about whether I believe in that sort of stuff," Gail exhales deeply, unsure how much to say without saying _too_ much; the balance getting more and more difficult to navigate lately.

Holly studies her quietly for a few moments before carefully asking, "Do you?"

"I don't know," Gail confesses in a whisper, shrugging slightly.

Such things weren't really discussed in her house growing up. Peck's accomplished all that they could through hard work and dedication. There was no such thing as having faith in things happening for a reason, or allowance that they could wait for things to come to them, it was all about self achievement and drive.

"I like the idea that you and I were always meant to meet and become friends," she admits thoughtfully, "but I don't know how I feel about the idea that my life has already been decided for me." Gail pauses then, letting her eyes trail carefully over Holly's face, trying to gauge her reaction from her random line of curiosity, and finds Holly staring back at her intensely intrigued. "What does your big, beautiful, nerd brain think about all this?"

"Over the years there's been a few experiments into fate and free-will in humans," Holly states informatively after a moment of quiet, the tone of her voice shifting from soft and soothing and into what Gail's labelled over the years as Holly's Doctor Stewart voice; formal and deliberate. "Researchers have found that some processes, like breathing and moving, are executed without much conscious awareness, and that in brain scans unconscious activity can been seen to occur seconds before conscious activity arises in other areas of the brain."

Gail can't help but smile fondly as she listens to Holly science-babble, her heart swelling with awe and affection for her smart, adorable best friend. "In _English_ , Lunchbox," she prompts teasingly, knowing how easily Holly gets lost in her scientific jargon and forgets that not everybody understands the way she does.

"Sorry," Holly grins sheepishly. "It's not conclusive research, but some scientists believe that the subconscious makes decisions first, even when we think we're making a conscious choice, and therefore everything, to some degree at least, is fated and out of our control."

"Oh," Gail breathes, not sure how that knowledge makes her feel.

"I'm not convinced though. I don't personally like the idea of fate," Holly confesses honestly. "I think the notion of destiny and soulmates places limitations on people, leaves them waiting for things to happen _too_ them rather than people living and _taking_ chances."

Gail's brow furrows in slight confusion as she tries to wrap her mind around Holly's views on the matter. "So you don't think it was destiny that we were supposed to meet that day in the woods and become friends?"

"I don't think there's a way to know that," Holly replies, shaking her head, her tone shifting back into the silky, pacifying softness she always uses just for Gail. "But given that we both work for 15 Division, I'm sure we would have crossed paths eventually, don't you think?"

"I suppose so," Gail agrees faintly, the weight of her turmoil only seeming to grow the more she searches out an answer as to whether what happened to them in Vegas was meant to be.

Holly reaches out for her at once, sensing her melancholy, and lets her fingertips brush delicately along Gail's jawline, her thumb stroking lovingly across her cheek. "I do think some people are more drawn to each other though," Holly continues consolingly, feeling Gail's tension dissolve as she nuzzles into her caress. "But I don't believe fate forced us to be friends, Gail. I think we worked to form a connection, and that we _choose_ to be friends and remain in each other's lives because we care for each other and make each other happy. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, we do," Gail hums back in response, agreeing wholeheartedly, because she knows with every fibre of her being that letting herself know Holly and be known in return has made her the happiest she's ever been.

Holly smiles beautifully back at her, the affection she feels for Gail evident in the way her brown eyes warm with a hint of amber. "Leave Andy to believe in her naïve fairytales, honey," she admonishes gently, "and know that just because I don't believe in fate and soulmates, doesn't mean that you're not part of my heart, Gail, because you are, and I willingly choose to keep you as such."

Butterflies flutter to life in her chest at Holly's admission, her heart thumping so fast that it feels like it might explode out of her ribcage. It's utterly bewildering to Gail that somebody would _choose her;_ that _Holly_ chooses her. It's even more bewildering to her when Gail comprehends that she's spent her entire life being made to feel like she's second choice; to her parents who have always favoured Steve, to Nick who ditched her for the army; for Andy, and even to Chris who chose the value of his relationship with Dov over her.

The notion of actually being somebody's desired choice makes a rush of adoration and awe sweep through her body, Holly's words echoing repeatedly in her ears and encompassing her body with an overwhelming love that she feels infusing into her very bones.

Gail doesn't know in this moment, how she didn't realise sooner that Holly is her everything. Especially when Holly is the only person who's ever made her feel worthy of being loved for exactly who she is.

"I choose you as part of my heart too, Hol," she confesses earnestly, making sure not to let her gaze waver from Holly's, and watching in delight as Holly's face lights up with a breathtakingly beautiful smile that reaches all the way up into her eyes.

"I'm glad," Holly murmurs in response, letting her hand drift down from Gail's face to curl around her body and pulling her in against her own. "Now close your eyes and sleep, sweetheart," Holly commands as her hand slides up Gail's back to rest comfortingly between her shoulder blades, holding her close.

She may not be entirely convinced what side Holly's feelings for her truly fall – platonic or romantic – but as Gail nestles herself closer still, tucking her head beneath Holly's chin so that her ear is pressed against Holly's chest, she feels she knows enough for now, and lets the steady beat of Holly's heart quell her lingering worries, at least for a little while.

/

Despite practically being given no choice about becoming a police officer – that was _who_ the Pecks were after all – Gail has grown to love her job over the years.

She loves the uniform and the authority and respect it instils, and she loves that it gives her the purpose to serve and protect, especially for those that are unable to look after themselves. She loves the adrenaline rush she gets from driving the cruiser at high speeds, and the satisfaction she gets from arresting those that are causing harm amongst the good. She even loves the appreciation she's developed for firearms, not as weapons to cause destruction, but as tools to enforce the law.

The only part of police work that Gail's never been all that fond of, is the tedious amounts of paperwork they have to fill out laboriously at the end of each shift, for crimes big and small alike.

That's part of the reason why she's enjoying her promotion to detective-in-training so much. Of course, there's still paperwork to be completed, but the grunt work is something she can dish out to others to follow through on now while her focus gets to remain on the important stuff.

Being more thoroughly involved in the meat of a case is how Gail finds herself leading the bust of an up and coming weapons-dealer. The main suspect she's after, Tommy Armando, is small change compared to the gang leaders her brother goes after, but Gail's never felt more determined to get the job done right.

As far as she's concerned Tommy Armando is just the kind of scumbag she got into policing to take down. Much like the Curtis Payne case from a few years back, where the local drug kingpin was recruiting young, vulnerable kids to run his deals, Tommy Armando is recruiting susceptible teenagers to sell his highly dangerous merchandise.

He makes all the profit and the youths take all the risks. The trade off being, as far as they can tell from their stakeouts, a warehouse that acts as a roof over their heads, providing them with warmth and food, and a little bit of spending money for the kids to treat themselves to whatever they want.

Gail can't help but feel that it's her duty to take Tommy down and protect those teens he's introduced to a life of crime, especially if they're ever to have any chance at a decent life. She doesn't want them to get lost in the system so early, not without anybody trying to give them a helping-hand and showing them the reality of what Tommy's exposing them to.

"Everybody's in place, Peck," Swarek tells her as he draws his gun and readies himself. "We're ready on your count."

Gail nods in response, and takes a moment to calm her nerves, breathing deeply to steady her hands as she grips her gun. "On three," she orders firmly, making eye-contact with each officer in turn to ensure that they're ready. "One...Two... _Three_."

Everything happens in a blur then; the door bursting open and her leading the way inside with Swarek hot on her heels, the warehouse ringing with the surprised shouts and screams of the kids, and her swiftly pointing her gun at Armando while ordering him to put down his weapon and raise his hands.

The other officers flag around him, preventing any attempt he may make at escape, and as he stares unrelenting back at her, smirking evilly, she feels her skin prickle with disgust.

"I said drop your weapon and raise your hands behind your head," Gail demands fiercely once more, her finger sliding down to hover over the trigger of her weapon as Tommy jerks slightly, his intention unclear. "Put it down or I'll put you down."

"Well aren't you a feisty one, Blondie," Tommy comments, his smirk growing even as he slowly begins to lower his gun to the ground. "I do like feisty," he purrs, letting his eyes roam over Gail's body. "Always harder to break."

Gail refuses to let herself flinch even though his words make her stomach knot and her heart hammer painfully, the memory of a different but all together similar voice rippling around inside her head.

"Shut up and put your hands on your head, Armando," she instructs again, never letting her eyes waver from his as he does so, refusing to give him the satisfaction of trying to one up her. "Now drop to your knees."

There's a momentary pause before he follows the command, his eyes steeling over when he realises Gail isn't going to rise to his bait. "I'll remember your pretty face, Blondie," he retorts calmly, the totally unsubtle threat sending a chill through Gail's body as she watches him drop down onto his knees. "You can be sure of that," he adds with a sickening, wry smile.

"That's enough scumbag," Swarek cuts-in, holstering his gun and moving in to cuff the guy, ensuring that he does so rather forcefully before yanking Armando roughly to his feet. "I think it's time for you to go rot in a dank, dark cell for the rest of your pathetic life."

Armando grimaces slightly as Sam man-handles him, and curses under his breath. "See you around, Blondie," he calls over his shoulder as Swarek shoves him towards the exit.

Once he's out of sight Gail takes a second to close her eyes and release a shaky exhale, reminding herself that Armando is not Perrick. Even after all the years have passed since her kidnapping and Perrick's arrest, Gail still sometimes hears the sound of his voice taunting her, her dreams turning to nightmares that are filled with shadows and fear, and the deafening _click-clacking_ of his wingtips against the cold, hard ground.

"Clear the rest of the warehouse," Gail orders, once she's regained some control of her thoughts, instructing the officers that aren't dealing with the youths to get back to their jobs. "Make sure there's nobody else armed in the building."

In hindsight, Gail knows that despite Armando's jeering comments, it's her own thoughts about Perrick that allow her to become momentarily distracted.

One second she's leaving the officers to clear the building, and the next her ears are picking up the faint sound of metal clanging against the floor from one of the rooms that's yet to be checked. She approaches somewhat cautiously, her hand just reaching for her holster when the door bursts open, forcing her to stumble backwards, and then, just before she can steady herself and drawn her weapon, the stock of a shotgun collides with her face and all she sees is darkness.

/

It feels like an explosion has detonated inside her brain, the aftershocks grinding through her skull and making every inch of her face throb relentlessly.

Gail's not sure if it's the doctor poking and prodding at her injury that make the pain so great that she has to reel away, or her own shame for not having drawn her weapon before she approached the door, that leaves her sinking back into the gurney and desperately hoping that it will swallow her up.

She feels like the world's biggest idiot. It was her bust, she was supposed to set an example, not end up looking like the lame, bumbling rookie who doesn't know his ass from his face.

"Fucking _ouch_ ," Gail hisses as the doctor presses against a particularly sensitive part of her cheek.

"Apologies Detective," the doctor replies with a small smile, not really looking sorry _at all_ , and removing his hands from Gail's completely swollen shut left eye. "Your CT scan shows that you have a zygomaticomaxillary complex fracture."

Gail glares back at him with her one good eye when he doesn't explain further, but luckily, before she can growl out a response, Oliver cuts in from where he's sitting tucked away in the corner of the room. The same spot that he's been quietly watching over her from since they brought her to the hospital in all of her unconscious glory.

"You're gonna have to break that down a bit for us coppers, doc, we're simple folk," Oliver says with his usual charming smile and hint of sarcasm that Gail secretly adores.

"Sorry Officers," the doctor replies, glancing between them both sheepishly. "It's more commonly known as the tripod fracture. That is, a fracture consisting of three components; a fracture through the zygomatic arch, extending across the floor of the orbit and including the maxillary sinus, and also fracturing the lateral orbital rim and wall."

Gail glowers back at him. "So, basically I fractured my whole face... that's what you're saying here."

The doctor shakes his head. "No, that's not what I'm saying, Detective Peck," he replies rather curtly, evidently growing slightly agitated with the questioning. "I'm saying that you have a non-displaced tripod fracture, or in layman's terms, a fractured cheekbone and eye-socket on the left side of your face, that very fortunately doesn't need surgery and should, in time, heal on it's own."

"Well, you should have just said that in the first place," Gail scowls, grimacing slightly as a wave of pain thunders through her heavily bruised face.

"I've prescribed some strong painkillers to help you manage your pain while you recover," the doctor explains, obviously picking up on her discomfort, and tearing a page from his prescription-pad. "We'll follow up with an exam again in a few weeks to make sure you're healing properly."

"Thanks," Gail manages as politely as she can, watching to make sure he leaves before flicking her eye over to Oliver. "So, I royally fucked up, huh? You here to demote me back to rookie?"

"Afraid not, you're stuck being a detective now, Peck. You'll just have to live with your mistakes nipping annoyingly at your heels like the rest of us well seasoned cops," Oliver teases with a smile as he moves over to stand at her bedside. "I'm glad you're not too banged up, darlin'," he says kindly, letting his hand reach out to pats hers. "You're my most promising rook, you know."

"Even if I go blind in one eye due to my own stupidity?" Gail retorts wryly.

"Don't be so dramatic, the doctor said you'd be fine," Oliver replies in his fatherly tone. "But if you're not, I'll buy you an eye-patch, that's a promise."

Gail lets out an amused chuckle, stopping herself when she feels the muscles in her face pulling too harshly against her bruising. "Shit, don't make me laugh, you jerk," she grunts, slapping him on the arm.

Just as Oliver opens his mouth to reply, a familiar, but frantic voice echoes loudly down the corridor and fills the room, distracting them both.

" _I got a call about Gail Peck being brought in?" the voice says urgently. "Detective Gail Peck. The message you left said she'd been hurt on the job?"_

" _I'm sorry miss, but who are you exactly?" another voice replies formally._

" _I'm Holly Stewart, one of your nurses called me and left a message saying that Detective Peck had been brought here. So can you please tell me where she is?"_

" _I need you to calm down a second, Miss Stewart. Are you related to Detective Peck at all?"_

" _I'm her best friend and her emergency contact. You called me," Holly huffs angrily, her voice beginning to rise even louder. "I came, I'm here now, so can you please just take me to see her."_

Gail can practically feel Holly's increasing frustration radiating down the corridor, her nerves clearly shot from worry. "Oliver, please go and get her before her wonderful nerd brain combusts," Gail urges, watching as Oliver simply nods in swift agreement and heads out of the room to collect her frazzled best friend.

" _Since you're not related I'm going to have to ask you to wait while I check things out."_

" _Not related? I'm her family. I'm her w-"_

She hears Oliver's voice cutting in then, saving the poor nurse before Holly can unleash her true rage.

" _Holly, hey," Oliver says gently, his voice soft and reassuring. "I've got it from here, thanks nurse." There's a slight pause, and then, "She's okay, darlin', just a tad banged up is all. Come on now, her room's just down here, I'll take you to her. She's asking for you."_

Within seconds Holly is barrelling into the room like a whirlwind, her eyes wide and filled with panic and worry as she rushes over to Gail's side, and engulfs her into a tight embrace.

"Oh thank god you're alright," Holly exhales shakily, burying her face into Gail's neck and breathing her in deeply, reassuring herself that Gail is really alive as she clings to her.

Despite feeling like her heart is ripping in two for causing Holly so much anguish, Gail can't help but recoil slightly as Holly's shoulder bumps accidentally against her chin, sending a rocket of pain rippling up the tender side of her face.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm _so_ sorry, honey," Holly murmurs, pulling away instantly as her expression turns distraught once more.

Gail reaches out to cup her face, stroking her thumb lovingly across Holly's tear stained cheek. "It's okay, Hol, _I'm_ okay. I promise," she emphasises slowly, searching out Holly's gaze to assure her that she's telling the truth, and stopping Holly from morphing into a full on freak-out. "Just a little sore is all."

"You're okay," Holly echoes in a whisper, her fingertips reaching out to trace delicately over the dark, purple bruises that have flourished to life on the left side of Gail's face, forming perfectly around her swollen eye.

"I'm okay," Gail confirms softly, watching as belief flashes in Holly's eyes, the relief following shortly after and washing over her, slowly beginning to ease some of the stress and rigidness from her extremely tense posture.

Holly swallows audibly, her breathing still a little rapid as she soaks Gail in, her eyes examining Gail's injury for herself. "I was so worried, Gail..." she confesses quietly, shaking her head slightly, "...so, _so_ worried. I thought something awful had happened. I thought you might be shot or stabbed or-"

"Shhh, baby, I'm fine," Gail shushes consolingly, the endearment slipping past her lips without a second thought as her hand slides down to Holly's neck, and gently urging her forward until their foreheads are resting together. "It's all okay, I'm fine, you don't need to worry anymore, okay? I'm alive, I'm not dying, I'm just bruised up, I promise."

She feels Holly shudder in response to her words, her eyes fluttering closed and her breathing steadying as she lets herself get lost in their closeness. "Don't _ever_ scare me like this again," Holly pleads desperately, nudging her nose lovingly against Gail's. "I couldn't stand it if I lost you."

"You won't," Gail promises, her voice quiet but resolute. "I'll be extra careful, I promise. This was just stupid, I wasn't being smart or cautious enough."

"Well you _need_ to be," Holly fires back sternly as she pulls back just enough to find Gail's eyes. "For your sake _and_ for mine." She waits for Gail to nod in understanding and then lifts her head to ghost her lips over Gail's swollen shut eye, dusting the lightest of lingering kisses against her wounded flesh, almost as if she needs to believe that her touch can help Gail heal.

"I promise," Gail whispers again, letting her good eye flutter closed as she lets herself melt into the safety of Holly's arms.

"And maybe even for everybody else's' sake," Holly adds as an afterthought as she pulls back to finally search out Gail's eyes again, "because I really don't think they could handle me if I'm ever forced to actually pull the wife card, Gail."

Gail lets her lips curl up into a smile in response. "You did sound kinda scary, Lunchbox," she jests warmly, hoping to disperse Holly's lingering worry with some lightness. "Haven't heard you get that worked up since that time your moronic lab assistant dropped that collection of blood samples all over the morgue floor before you'd even had the chance to run them."

"Jesus, he was such an idiot," Holly replies, rolling her eyes, her mouth finally twisting up into that adorable crooked smile Gail loves so much. "I really am glad you're okay, Gail," Holly murmurs after their mirth has died down, gently leaning back in to rest her forehead against Gail's own.

Gail hums knowingly in response and squeezes comfortingly at Holly's neck as she keeps her close, her heart swelling with affection and gratitude at having somebody like Holly care so much about whether she lives or dies, and contentedly lets the noisy world around them fade away until all that's left mattering is them, and them alone.

Oliver's radio crackles behind them a few moments later, breaking through the bubble they've temporarily allowed themselves to get lost in and drawing them back into reality.

"Sorry," he says, clearing his throat and looking between them uneasily. "Now that your girl's here, Peck, I'll leave you in her safe hands and head back to the station."

Holly smiles gratefully over at him. "Thank you for staying with her and making sure she was okay, Ollie. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime darlin'," he says with a smile and a nod before letting his eyes flick over to Gail's. "Take a couple of weeks off and heal up, Peck." He holds his finger up to his lips as she opens her mouth to protest and flashes her a toothy grin. "That's an order."

Gail scowls in response and lets herself fall back again her pillows, "Fine."

Holly just smiles fondly at her and gets up to give Oliver a parting hug before returning to her seat at the foot of Gail's bed, her hand instantly searching Gail's out.

"Don't pout," Holly reprimands playfully, knowing how much Gail hates being stuck at home. "We'll get you discharged right away, and then we'll swing by yours quickly to pack a bag before heading back to mine so I can take care of you properly."

Gail softens immediately and curls her fingers around Holly's own. "I'll be okay, Hol, you don't need to nurse me," she says, even though the thought of being stuck at the frat house for two weeks with Chris and Dov hovering over her annoyingly is almost enough to make her regret her objection.

"Tough luck," Holly retorts with a smile, pushing to her feet and grabbing Gail's paperwork so that she can start filling out her discharge form. "You need to get some rest if you want your face to heal, and I know you won't do that if I leave you on your own, so you're staying at mine and letting me look after you."

"Hol-"

" _Wife_ card," Holly declares, cutting Gail off before she even starts. "I'm calling it, Gail, so that means you have to shut up and do as you're told. I want to do this, okay? So just let me do it."

Gail knows if it was anybody else ordering her around and telling her what to do, she'd be scowling petulantly and continue to resist, but hearing Holly enforce her so-called wife card makes a river of warmth spread through her body, her heart bursting with a sudden rush of unbridled love.

"Okay," Gail relents with an appreciative smile.

She has somebody who truly loves her and wants to take care of her, not because they have to but because they want to, and Gail knows she should consider herself lucky, and count her blessings that that person is Holly.

Holly's the only person she ever wants to give in too, to be vulnerable enough to trust so completely. She just hopes, with all her heart, that Holly's feelings for her are evolving in the same way, because Gail knows, now more than ever, that being married to Holly is exactly how she wants to spend the rest of her life.

/

It feels like a jackhammer is pounding away beneath the surface of her skin, trying desperately to break free, the agony so great that she can feel her stomach twisting and churning with every breath she draws.

It doesn't seem to matter which way she attempts to lie, the tenderness has claimed every inch of her face, making it absolutely impossible for her to get comfortable.

"Have you taken any of your pain meds?" Holly questions, appearing in the doorway and looking over at her in concern as a whimper sneaks past Gail's lips. Gail stares back at her and shakes her head, grinding her teeth together to stop herself from crying out further. "Honey, why haven't you taken any? You're obviously in a lot of pain."

Gail swallows down the bile rising in her throat and sits up grumpily, giving up on her endeavour to try and nap. "You know why," she replies, her voice low and quiet.

Holly's expression morphs into one of empathy. She knows the story of Perrick and the kidnapping, of how Gail saw Jerry give his life to save hers. She knows of Gail's guilt for living and costing Traci her fiancé, and the shame she's been forced to feel from her parents for tarnishing the Peck name because she didn't put up enough of a fight when Perrick took her.

It's an utterly ridiculous and barbaric mindset for Gail's parents to have, as far as Holly's concerned, and yet no matter how hard she's tried to convince Gail that it wasn't her fault, that none of it was her fault, they both know that Gail still blames herself.

It's that self-deprecating blame that still haunts Gail with nightmares, especially when her mind is so inebriated with drugs that she's unable to grasp any control and fight against it. It's why Gail hasn't taken any of her painkillers, and why she won't, and they both know it.

Holly's seen what happens to her first hand. Saw it back in the early days of their friendship when a burnt wrist led to a hilariously high and goofy Gail during the day, but the moment sleep had taken her, her dreams had been conquered by demons that had left her tossing and turning and crying out helplessly until Holly had braved waking her.

Gail closes her remaining good eye tightly shut as the pain keeps on crashing over her, curling back up onto her side and trying to make herself as small as possible, as if that will somehow help minimise the agony she feels.

Holly comes further into the room then, crossing the space between them until she's perching on the edge of the bed at Gail's side, her hand instantly moving to soothe up and down Gail's back. "Oh honey," she murmurs sympathetically, her brow furrowing is distress at her inability to be able to do anything to help.

"It's fine," Gail mewls weakly, feeling tears brimming in her eyes as the dull, throbbing ache in her face remains incessant.

Holly shakes her head as her eyes grow increasingly worried. "It's not fine, Gail, you're in excruciating pain," she refutes, and then softly begs, "Please take the meds, honey. I know you don't like them because they mess with your mind and take you to that terrifying place that you hate, but they'll help ease your pain. And I promise, I'll stay awake – _all night –_ if that's what it takes to convince you, and hold you, and make sure you don't get dragged under and swallowed up by the darkness."

A sob escapes Gail in response, fear prickling down her spine as she manages, just barely, to get herself to nod in agreement. Holly caresses her back reassuringly, and then gets up to fetch the meds and a glass of water. As Gail pushes herself to sit back up, Holly unscrews the cap and tips the bottle onto Gail's awaiting palm.

"I'm scared to do this, Hol," she confesses in a barely audible whisper, her gaze locking onto Holly's as she shakily curls her fingers around the two tablets that are resting in her palm.

"I know you are," Holly murmurs softly, holding out the glass of water for Gail to take when she's ready, and letting her free hand cup the uninjured side of Gail's face. "But I'll be here the whole time. I'll keep you safe, I promise. You just have to trust me."

Some people, Gail knows, would probably consider what she's about to do a leap of faith, to jump so blindly into somebody's arms and believe, without doubt, that they'll catch you. Trust, after all, is not something that the majority of people find easy to do, but with Holly, Gail has no doubt that she'll stay true to her word. She knows, deep in her heart, at its very core, that she trusts Holly unconditionally, that Holly is the only person – the _right_ person – for her to allow herself to be truly vulnerable with as she's stripped raw and forced to bare her flaws.

It's not long after the medication enters her system that she feels her mind grow cloudy, her thoughts getting tangled up and lost amongst the thickening fog. Holly's there though, arms tightening around her and holding her close, keeping Gail tethered as her lips lovingly brush words of reassurance against her skin.

Her fingers clutch at the fabric of Holly's t-shirt as she feels her body growing heavy, her good eye fluttering against Holly's soothing caress as her fingers stroke through Gail's short hair, lulling her gently into the realm of sleep.

The last thing Gail hears as she finds herself drifting off is Holly's voice; " _I'll protect you,_ " it whispers earnestly, and with that belief enveloping her, Gail falls into a deep, dreamless sleep.

/

Three weeks after her bust mishap, Gail returns back to work.

Her fracture is healing nicely and her bruising has gone down significantly, no longer a deep, angry purple, but rather a healthy, glowing shade of yellow.

She gets assigned desk duty of course, Oliver ordering that she ease slowly back into things, and finds herself tasked with taking calls and catching up on case notes. It's boring work for the most part, but Gail's so thankful to no longer be stuck on Holly's couch watching mind-numbing reality TV that she doesn't mind in the slightest.

It's become almost habit now, the way she'll sneak the gold-plastic ring out from her pocket and spin it around between her fingertips. There's a strange comfort she finds in having it close to her at all times, a beautiful – albeit drunken and kind of messy – reminder that her feelings for Holly are far more than just friendly these days.

"What's that?"

Gail jumps at the voice, the ring slipping from her grasp and landing out on the desk in front of her. Unfortunately for her, Oliver's just that little bit quicker than she is, and he plucks it up before she has the chance to hide it away and claim it as nothing.

"Can I have it back please?" Gail says instead, hoping that her politeness will freak Oliver out enough that he'll return it to her without too many questions.

Instead, Oliver pulls out the chair next to hers and plops himself down, holding the ring up between his own fingers and inspecting it with interest. His eyes flick up to hers curiously after a few seconds and Gail immediately holds her hand out, less than subtly demanding it back.

"Does this have something to do with Holly?" he probes nosily as he drops it into Gail's awaiting palm, knowing from the way her eyes flash with relief that the ring holds meaning to her.

Gail feels herself blush slightly under Oliver's heated scrutiny, and tries to maintain her cool by shrugging nonchalantly. "What would a plastic ring have to do with Holly?" she retorts, glaring back at him with feigned annoyance.

"I don't know," Oliver replies honestly, holding her gaze and refusing to let her look away. "But you've been acting strange ever since you two came back from Vegas to celebrate your promotion."

"I'm always strange," Gail deflects weakly.

Oliver shakes his head. "Not like this," he says adamantly. "Something's different, something's changed, and I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Maybe because nothing's different, Oliver. Everything is as boring around here as always," Gail responds, absently twirling the gold-plastic ring between her fingers again. "You're the same, I'm the same, Holly's the same... nothing's changed."

She catches Oliver's gaze drifting down to her fingers, watching as she spins the plastic ring, and then she sees the realisation creeping over him as the puzzle pieces somehow fall into place, his eyes widening knowingly as he glances back up at her.

"You and Holly got married?!" he exclaims a littler louder than even he was expecting.

Gail shushes him quickly, slapping her hand across his mouth and glowers at him, her annoyance real this time as she quickly looks around to make sure nobody has overheard. "Could you shout that any louder, you jackass," she hisses, removing her hand from Oliver's mouth.

"Sorry," Oliver replies sheepishly, lowering his voice to a whisper, and then, once more, "You and Holly got married?"

Gail covers her face with her hands and releases a groan, stopping only when Oliver tugs at her wrists to get her to stop, and stares at her expectantly.

"Yes," she confesses, drawling the word out and nervously holding Oliver's gaze. "We didn't plan it, we were out celebrating, and we got drunk and then... and then we woke up and we'd gone and done this crazy, life changing, reckless thing."

Oliver nods understandingly, and Gail's surprised to find his eyes lacking judgement. "Are you and Holly, like, _together_ now then?"

"No," Gail responds, shaking her head sadly. "I meant it Oliver, nothing's changed."

"Are you sure?" Oliver asks softly, gently taking the ring from her again and holding it between them. "Because it seems like something's changed, for you at least."

Gail feels her resolve crumbling under Oliver's gaze, the tsunami of emotions she's been struggling to contain for weeks now, suddenly overwhelming her. "I didn't mean for any of it to happen, I didn't mean for my feelings to change," she murmurs thickly, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth to hold back the onslaught of tears she feels building quickly behind her eyes.

"I know, kiddo," Oliver comforts, reaching out to pull her into a hug and dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "It's not just you, nobody ever sees it coming."

Gail sniffles against his shoulder, feeling an odd sense of relief now that somebody else knows about the feelings that have been slowly consuming her. "I'm so in love with her, Ollie," she admits, her voice stumbling slightly over the words.

It's the first time she's said it out loud, and as the words leave her mouth and echo through her body, it somehow makes her feelings seem all the more real. It's feels freeing and yet utterly terrifying at the same time, because now that it's out there, Gail knows that she can't ever take it back.

"Have you told Holly how you're feeling?" Oliver asks as Gail pulls back from his embrace, bashfully reaching up to rub away the tears that have managed to escape down her cheeks.

"I can't," Gail breathes out tenaciously, her eyes glazing over with panic and doubt. "I don't even know if she feels the same way, Oliver, and it's way too risky for me to just blurt it out without being sure that there's at least something there. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

Oliver presses his lips together in a small, sympathetic smile. He knows how dear Holly's friendship has grown to be to Gail over the years since they met, and how completely destroyed she would be if she ever messed it up, and yet...

"From what I witnessed at the hospital between you both," Oliver says softly, careful not to overstep his place, "I'd say your girl is definitely feeling something for you."

Those moments at the hospital all feel like a bit of a blur to her when she tries to recall the memory. She knows Holly was worried sick for safety, but that's the way she's always been when it comes to the dangers of Gail's job. The first time in their friendship that she'd been shot at and Holly had heard, she'd frantically rushed to the station to search Gail out, pulled Gail into the nearest interrogation-room with the need to check her over with her own eyes, and then pulled Gail into a relieved-filled, crushing embrace.

"Of course Holly feels for me, she's my best friend," Gail justifies, arguing with the same reasoning she's been using against herself for weeks. "But what if her worry that day was just regular friendly concern? I don't want to read into something that's not there."

Oliver scoffs disbelievingly and shakes his head at her. "She must be a really, _really_ , good friend then, Gail," he retorts with an admonishing grin, "because none of my buddies have ever held me close and told me that they can't lose me, and I've been shot a couple of times on the job with _Sam_ right there to see it happen."

Gail opens her mouth to object and then closes it soundlessly, swallowing down the hollow words of her protest. She's knows it's her head that's trying to talk her out of the belief that perhaps Holly could be feeling even a smidgen of what she's feeling. But despite how powerfully her head always reasons, a part of her heart always manages to sneak through too, and whispers in her ear that Holly's reactions to her are filled with more affection than those of a mere friend, especially lately.

It's a constant conflict between what she knows as fact and what she dares to let herself believe, and despite the battle that rages on inside her, Gail knows that until she has some kind of solid, tangible proof that Holly does return her love, she can't and won't risk their friendship.

What she desperately needs to figure things out properly, is _time_ to discover the truth of where Holly's feelings stand, and with no more mention of their imminent divorce from Holly in the weeks that have passed since they returned home from Vegas, Gail thinks she might just be lucky enough this once in her life, to have exactly that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Thank you all for sticking with me and sending me lots of love on this story, it fills my heart with the warm and fuzzies knowing the Gail/Holly fandom are still here and going strong.

The first real hint that Gail gets that something more than meets the eye may be bubbling just under the surface of Holly's feelings for her, comes when she least expects to see it.

Just as tradition goes whenever a member of her family has served with the Toronto PD for their whole career, when her father retires just shy of his seventieth birthday, the rest of the Pecks come together to host a large celebration in his honour.

While normally an elegant affair, where her family and important members of the police department and the city are wined and dined at Toronto's top French restaurant – making speeches and sharing tales of the officer's finest moments – this year the party is a more relaxed event, taking place at the Peck family home.

She knows her mother's not too happy about having a hundred guests swarming through her house, but always the most dutiful host and wife, she's made it work and then some, erecting a large marquee in their garden and providing wonderful food and entertainment for all. The location change was her father's request, her once stern and rather strict father mellowing in his old age, wanting nothing more than to share the finest Cuban cigars and the best whiskey with his old buddies.

"It's kind of weird to see your dad looking so relaxed, especially considering the whole time I've known him, he's been the model of formality," Holly comments, her eyes flicking briefly to the waiter as he stops to offer her another glass of champagne. "I mean he's actually _laughing_ , Gail."

Gail follows Holly's eye-line, taking in the sight of her father merrily guffawing at something the mayor is saying to him. "I know right, it's truly terrifying," Gail replies, scowling at the waiter as he offers her a fresh glass, and quickly reaching out to swipe the bottle instead before shooing him away. "The only time I ever saw him laugh like that growing up, is when I beat Steve at the BB-gun target practice he'd set up for us, and Steve cried like a little bitch baby."

Holly shakes her head in amusement. "What a sweet Peck family story."

"What can I say," Gail grins cheekily and swigs from the bottle, "we're a tender-hearted bunch."

Holly chuckles at that and bumps their shoulders together. "Are these party's always so boring?"

She's attended a few Peck family lunches over her years of friendship with Gail, but never quite something this high-priority and elaborate, and Gail knows it must be quite the shock to the system to see the Pecks in all their policing royalty, there is after all, literally loads of her extended family floating around, surrounded in clouds of their own egos.

"Don't let my mother hear you say that, Holly," Gail retorts, feigning shock even as her eyes twinkle playfully. "You know you're her favourite, it will break her heart if you're not having the time of your life interacting with the city's finest thoroughbreds."

"Oh god," Holly grimaces, spotting Elaine approaching them like a missile locked on to its target. "She's not going to try and set me up with someone like the dull banker again, is she? Because that was the most awkward date of my life."

Gail laughs as she recalls the memory of Holly's Elaine set-up, back during the early months of their friendship, before Elaine clocked on that Holly was a lesbian, where setting her up with top banker Thomas Greenwich had seemed like a match-made in Elaine heaven, much to poor Holly's horror.

"Don't worry, Lunchbox, she's stated her unfavourable opinion on the female contenders ever since, deeming them unworthy of you, so I think you're safe for now," Gail reassures, and then, seeing who Elaine is bringing over to introduce to them, adds, "I, on the other-hand, am never going to be be able to dispel her matchmaking quest."

Holly quirks her eyebrow questioningly at her comment, but before she can ask Gail to expand, Elaine is coming to a brisk stop in front of them with a tall, dark, and devilishly handsome young man at her side.

"I see you're up to mischief already," Elaine says, her eyes glancing disapprovingly at the bottle of champagne clutched in Gail's hands, and then her eyes flick up to Holly's. "Hello sweetheart, I'm glad you could come, it's been far too long since Gail brought you by."

"It's good to see you too, Elaine," Holly returns politely with a smile. "You've done a wonderful job today, your husband looks very happy."

Elaine glances over at Bill, still deeply engaged in conversation with some of his former colleagues as he smokes yet another cigar. "It's true, retirement suits some more than others," she says rather stiffly, and then as she turns back to meet Holly's gaze adds, "I, on the contrary, don't intend to join my husband any time soon, as I'm sure somebody as driven as yourself can understand; our work is our top priority above all else."

Gail glances at Holly, sensing her discomfort at the comment as her jaw clenches, Elaine managing to lace the conversation with her usual brand of unwanted life values. "Hello Henry, it's been a long time," she greets, saving Holly from having to falsely agree with her mother that work should be everything to a person.

"It's certainly has," he replies with a smile that's as charming as she remembers it to be. "It's good to see you again, Gail."

Her acknowledgement of Henry without Elaine's forced introduction seems to draw her mother back to the task at hand. "Apologies, where are my manners," she cuts in, and then glancing to Holly once more, says, "This is Henry Cooper, Gail's old high school boyfriend, and one of the country's top architects. His grandfather and father helped design the structures for our finest prisons. Henry, this is Gail's dear friend, Dr. Holly Stewart, an extraordinary forensic pathologist who works for my division."

"It's lovely to meet you," Henry says sincerely, reaching out to shake Holly's hand in greeting.

Holly, who still looks a little stunned at this unexpected bombardment from Gail's past, bristles slightly at his offering. "Likewise," she forces herself to reply with a tight smile, just about managing to accept Henry's hand rather stiffly.

"Henry's just moved back to Toronto after living in Vancouver for the past decade," Elaine informs them. "I've luckily managed to convince the mayor to poach him back to work on the new designs for Toronto's city hall renovation."

Her break-up with Henry all those years ago had been amicable, both of them leaving for college and not wanting to hold each other back from new life experiences. He'd been her first real relationship, one from which she'd learned much about how to be with another person. She may have been young in the ways of love back then, but Henry had always treated her with respect and liked her for who she was. With the Coopers' being another well known family in Toronto, Henry had understood the pressure her parents had placed her under, and together, they had created a space and a trust where they could be at ease and share their true ambitions without fear.

It's a shame that they lost touch, Gail thinks, especially given the irony that despite their mutual desires to escape from their family's legacy, that they've both fallen prey to what their last names destined them to be.

"How long have you been back in town?" Gail asks kindly before her mother can get too carried away, impressed by her own abilities as usual.

"Only a few days, I've mostly been unpacking," Henry answers, looking relieved that Gail has curbed her mother. Having attended his own share of Peck family dinners, Henry knows all too well just how overbearing Elaine Peck can be once she gets going. "I sadly haven't had much time to get back in touch with Toronto and all of its wonders yet."

"Well there's a perfect little idea," Elaine cuts in again, gazing between Gail and Henry with a satisfied grin curling at her lips, and Gail hears a voice in her head mutter ' _here we go again_ ' as she readies herself. "Why don't you two go on a date this Friday evening and explore the city together, it would be the most wonderful way to catch up."

Gail tries not to roll her eyes in response, knowing from the minute she saw her mother approaching with Henry where this was all leading to. She really was never going to give up on setting Gail up with men she deemed appropriate, no matter how many times Gail has expressed her annoyance and disinterest in the whole thing.

She catches Henry glancing at her knowingly, clearing thinking the same thing as he shares a small smile with her, his eyes dancing in amusement. "What a charming idea, Elaine," Henry agrees in a chirpy tone, knowing that there really is no deterring Elaine Peck when she makes a suggestion like this. "It would be really nice to catch up with you, Gail; we could grab dinner downtown and share some memories."

Gail feels her mother's gaze piercing into her, daring her to refuse such a nice man and his generous offer. At least this time she knows Henry won't cripple her with boredom or expect her to hop into bed with him after he's bought her a cheap cup of coffee and failed to flatter her in a terrible fake British accent.

"Sounds like a plan," Gail accepts with a smile. "I finish at seven on Friday, so come by the station and we'll head out from there."

Henry returns her smile and nods. "I look forward to it," he says, looking relieved that they've arranged the night for themselves before Elaine could fully back them into a corner.

"Excellent," Elaine exclaims with a smug look and claps her hands together in self-approval. She turns to Holly, who's remained oddly quiet through the whole exchange and reaches for her arm. "Why don't we leave these two to get reacquainted properly, Holly," she says, tugging Holly towards her so that Henry and Gail are left stepping closer together. "There's some people here I've been meaning to introduce you to for awhile now anyway."

"Of course," Holly returns dutifully, her tone flatter than usual as she fleetingly lets her eyes catch Gail's, an unreadable expression rolling across her face. "It was nice to meet you, Henry," she says, nodding her head to him before letting Elaine lead her away without another word.

Gail's brow furrows together slightly as she watches Holly go, unsure how the moment went so swiftly from one of joy and laughter, to the air seemingly turning crisp and tense as she feels Holly physically and emotionally moving away from her.

For the rest of the party, Gail finds herself stuck with Henry's company just as her mother planned, and as nice as it is to catch up with her old friend, there's something about the way Holly won't meet her gaze full on, but appears nonetheless, to be watching her intently when she thinks Gail's not looking, that makes something gnaw at Gail's insides. A part of her wonders if Holly's mad at her for allowing her mother to just sweep her away into her clutches, and the other part, the part of her that's achingly longing for her best friend to return her feelings, wonders if the emotion rippling across the tight expression on Holly's face, is jealousy.

**/**

When Henry picks her up from the station on Friday night, she's thankful to see that it's without the added cliche of flowers or chocolates. He simply grins at her in his handsome, boyish way and tells her he's glad she's still rocking her leather jacket because he's come on his old, beloved motorbike that they used to explore the city on.

Instead of trying to romance her by taking her to some quiet, low lit restaurant with soft music playing in the background, he takes her to their old high school hangout, Joey's Diner, and buys her a burger with fries and a large strawberry milkshake.

It feels instantly like old times, like they've been transported back to their younger selves where staying out late on a Friday night was filled with greasy junk food, laughter, and games of pinball played on an old machine that's even older and worn now, one of the legs having been replaced with a plank of wood.

There's still an ease to being surrounded in Henry's company after all these years, and Gail feels grateful for having a night off from her aching heart and her exhausting, conflicting emotions over Holly. Her confusing best friend, who in the days following her father's retirement party, has returned to her distant ways much like those that followed their return home from Vegas, and consumed herself in her work even more than usual.

The spark of jealousy she thought she saw in Holly's eyes seems almost like an illusion now, and with each passing day she feels an increasing weariness seeping into her bones with not knowing for sure what's going on inside Holly's head. That's part of the reason why she feels so relieved to have a night away from worrying about it all, her body much in need of the comfortable relaxation that comes from spending time with an old friend.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" Henry asks as they leave the diner and stroll through the lit-up streets of downtown Toronto, enjoying the warm evening breeze.

Gail hates that question, knowing that its intent is normally a leading one laced with desire, but when Henry asks, the question feels like just a question, the curiosity of an old friend trying to gather the pieces of Gail's life that he's missed out on in his absence.

She opens her mouth to respond but the words trip and stumble on her tongue as thoughts of Vegas and Holly flood her mind. "It's... complicated," she answers slowly, her fingers curling around the gold-plastic ring that's suddenly burning hotly in her jacket pocket.

Henry smiles over at her understandingly. "I get it, Gail," he says reassuringly. "Your mother is as forceful as ever, but you're obviously not interested and I'm just fresh out of a six year relationship, so I'm not looking to get involved in anything new." Gail releases a relieved exhale and nods, glad that the last bit of uncertainty to their date has been cleared up. "I'm glad we can still be friends after all these years though, it really is good to catch up."

"Me too," Gail replies with a sincere smile that quickly grows playful. "Although, you still really suck at pinball."

"I don't suck, you're just unnaturally competitive, Peck," Henry laughs as he bumps their shoulders together.

"Yeah, yeah," Gail mutters with a teasing grin. "Keep on telling yourself whatever you need to, to make yourself feel better at being the absolute worst loser, Coop."

Henry smiles back at her and then after a moment of laid-back silence, says, "So, what's the deal with your friend Holly? She's obviously a very smart and gorgeous woman. Is she single?"

The question catches Gail a little off-guard, her body freezing slightly and faltering her step as Henry's eyes sparkle knowingly back at her, refusing to let her look away. She feels the heat rising up her neck, settling in her cheeks and burning the tips of her ears, and knows her pale skin must be blushing a rather bright shade of crimson when Henry breaks into a laugh.

"I thought I picked up on something between you," he says as he wraps his arm around Gail and squeezes her shoulders. "Falling for the best friend... you're right, that is complicated."

"Shut up," Gail mumbles back, blushing even harder.

She'd forgotten just how well Henry knows her, and has always been able to see through her bullshit and her defences. It shouldn't really be all that surprising, now that she thinks about it, that he's picked up on her feelings for Holly. He was the one she'd nervously shared her first time with, and dated comfortably for well over three years, a best friend as well as a good boyfriend, who she trusted to know her secrets, and allowed to see her raw and exposed as a teenager, still struggling to figure herself out. Together they'd shared the highs and lows of their family expectations, and she'd even let herself be vulnerable in his presence, falling apart in his arms the day she had awoken in hospital to find that her favourite Peck, Uncle Harry, had died in the car accident they'd been involved in as he took Gail out for doughnuts, her only monthly reprieve from her oppressive parents.

He grins back at her as she shrugs out of his embrace. "Does Holly know?" Gail feels her lips pressing together into a frown and shakes her head. Henry's mouth purses together into a sympathetic smile then. "You'll figure it out," he reassures kindly. "She seemed bothered by me and our interaction at the party, so maybe she's feeling something for you too."

"I hope so," Gail concurs somewhat sadly, the truth of the matter regarding Holly's feelings for her always feeling just out of her reach no matter how hard she tries to close the distance.

"Just give it some time, Gail," he says softly, "feelings changing like this for a friend you've had for a long time can take awhile to process. But until then, take comfort in the fact that not only do you have impeccable taste in women, but that this will also majorly piss off your mother and her plans to marry you off to some boring, rich, guy."

Gail feels her lips curling up into a small smile in response. "Fuck the family legacy," she says, remembering their motto from long ago. The one they'd say together whenever their families' expectations became too overbearing and heavy that it felt like they were gradually being dragged down by them.

"Fuck the family legacy," Henry echoes back at her with a big smile. "We are who we are, Gail, and we love who we love."

His words help to ease the torment of her heart, especially if now it's not just her, but both Henry and Oliver that are seeing slight inklings that Holly may feel something more for her. But Gail knows, that the only thing that will make her consuming love for Holly actually feel freeing rather than stifled and painfully suppressed, is if she can get a real, tangible sign from Holly herself that there's at least some hope that what she's feeling isn't entirely unrequited.

/

Gail knows that it's kind of a horrible and morbid thing when she wishes more than anything for some old remains to be discovered during her shift the next day, but she also knows that cornering Holly at a crime scene, where she has no excuse but to professionally engage with Gail at least, might just be her only current option. Especially when her last three texts to Holly have been returned with the simple reply of ' _busy, sorry_ ', ending Gail's attempts to converse with her best friend before she even gets started, something which is becoming near impossible for her to do during the week that's followed her father's retirement party.

Holly's cold shoulder act is not only confusing to her, but also beginning to piss her off slightly. Ignoring each other isn't what they do. They talk, about everything and anything, and always have, and Gail refuses to let Holly shut down any longer, either she's feeling something for her too, and that's why she's being weird, or she's overworking herself and taking it out on Gail, which isn't fair.

If feels like life is finally cutting her a little slack when, just after lunch, she gets called out to a woodland area not far from the one she first met Holly at all those years ago. By the time she arrives at the scene, Andy and Chris have cleared the area and taken the witness statements, and all that's left for Gail and Traci to do, is to examine the remains and talk to forensics.

Holly looks up as they approach, her eyes fleeting over Gail's before returning to the bones she's photographing. "Detectives," she greets formally.

"Dr. Stewart," Traci echoes back in kind, her eyes falling down to the bones. "What do we have then, any idea yet?"

Holly takes a final shot on her camera before passing it off to one of her assistants and standing to meet Traci's gaze more fully. "From the structure of the skeleton, you're looking at a young female," Holly informs them, snapping off her gloves. "I'd say she's around thirteen-to-fifteen years old, and has signs of significant breaks in both arms, her ribs and her jaw. But I need to get her back to my lab to determine the finer details."

Gail takes this moment of Holly being absorbed fully into her work to assert her presence in the conversation. "Any ID found with her?" she asks, her voice instantly drawing Holly's eyes to hers.

Holly nods and then turns to her assistant, holding her hand out and waiting for him to pass over an evidence bag. "Not an actual ID but she was wearing a school soccer jersey; Newtonbrook Secondary School," Holly adds as she passes the jersey over, the fabric torn in places and its school badge smeared slightly with blood.

"This could be the Kelly Randal case," Traci voices thoughtfully as she runs her thumb over the badge beneath the plastic evidence bag. "She went missing around five years ago after soccer practice one afternoon. Her parents' filed her as missing but she was never found and there were never any concrete leads."

Gail nods in agreement, recalling the case. "Could be," she says to Traci and then glancing back to meet Holly's eyes, says, "I'll come back with you to the lab, Dr. Stewart, if you don't mind, I want to be there the minute you get the results."

She half expects Holly to protest to her company but Holly simply nods and accepts the evidence bag back from her. "I need another ten minutes here and then we can go," she replies. "If you want to head back to the station Detective Nash, I can take Detective Peck back to the lab with me when I'm done here."

"Sounds like a plan," Traci says with a firm nod, and then to Gail, "Call me the second those results come in, I'll be going over the case notes."

Gail accepts her orders compliantly and stands quietly off to the side while she gives Holly room to finish gathering all of the samples she needs. Once the remains are packed up and ready to go she follows Holly back to her car and rides the journey back to the lab with her in utter silence.

The silence envelops them in an uncomfortable awkwardness that Gail doesn't ever remember feeling around Holly before, and by the time Holly has her tests underway and running, Gail can't hold herself back any longer.

"Are you mad at me?" she blurts, the words ricocheting around the sterile stillness of Holly's lab rather unexpectedly and startling them both.

Holly looks up at her, her brow furrowed slightly and shakes her head. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know, about me letting my mother kidnap you at the party maybe," Gail says unsurely, her shoulders shrugging.

Holly releases a heavy sigh in response. "Don't be silly, Gail, your mother didn't kidnap me, and even if she did, I'm old enough to look after myself."

Gail frowns in return, her agitation growing at the brush off. "Then what's with the cold shoulder, Hol?" she snaps back, her voice raising slightly.

She sees the rigid set of Holly's jaw then as she stares back at her tiredly. "I haven't meant to be cold, I've just been so swapped with work," she says softly, an apologetic smile twisting at her lips. "You know how I get, so stuck in my own head when all this stuff gets on top of me, I'm sorry if I've been a little off but my boss is putting a lot of pressure on me at the moment."

It should feel like a relief to know what's been bothering Holly and stealing all of her attention, but all Holly's answer does is make her heart pinch sorrowfully. For the first time today, she lets her eyes properly absorb her best friend, taking in her slightly dishevelled appearance and the dark circles looming heavily under her eyes – the ever so familiar and tell-tale signs that Holly's been stressed and overdoing it – and thinks that maybe she really has deluded herself into thinking there could be something more blossoming between them.

Gail shakes her head and swallows the lump forming in her throat, feeling it land heavily in her chest as if the weight of her disappointment is crushing her lungs and stealing all of her breath. "It's okay," she murmurs quietly, forcing a small smile onto her lips. "You really should take a break though, Hol, before you run yourself too ragged. Come to The Penny with me tomorrow night and chill out for a few hours, de-science that big brain of yours."

"De-science isn't a word, you know," Holly replies, even as she smiles appreciatively at the offer. "Everybody going to be there?" she asks good-naturedly, knowing that every other Friday night is deemed a Penny night by the gang from 15 Division, and that she's always more than welcome to join them.

"More than likely," Gail replies honestly, deciding that it's time that she just accept that this thing with Holly – their _not-marriage_ marriage – was inevitably fated to be doomed from the get-go, no matter how much she wishes otherwise. "Henry wanted to come by and meet some of the officers I worked with, and he's bringing by a few of our old high school friends, so it should be a big, fun get together, with the added bonus of alcohol of course."

The moment Henry's name falls from her lips she sees the transformation happen to Holly instantly; her tired but happy smile morphing into a hard thin line, her spine stiffening and her body tensing rigidly as her expression grows stony, and her sparkling eyes dimming from a warm amber to a remote darkness.

"Oh. So your night out with him went well then," Holly observes more then questions, her tone shifting from soft and interested to solemn and distant, a hint of involuntary hurt creeping in and tangling into the sharp edges of her words.

It's only brief, almost as if Holly is purposely tampering it down the moment it dares to flicker, and forcing it back into the dark depths it arose from, but Gail feels Holly's jealousy thrumming through every pour of her taut body and radiating out into the space between them. The tendrils of it that manage to spill free before Holly locks it back down, wrap around Gail's ankles like vines marking their territory, curling and weaving tightly up around every inch of her, until she feels it possessively carving into her chest and taking root in the centre of her aching heart.

It should feel constricting and terrifying to be so overwhelmed with a sudden hit of unexpected, raw emotion, but all Gail feels as she stares back at the embers igniting hotly just behind the surface of Holly's thinly veiled, stoic gaze, is hope.

/

She's not the least bit surprised, of course, when she receives a text from Holly at the end of her shift on Friday, informing Gail that a last minute report needs her sudden attention and she won't be coming to The Penny after all. The truth of the matter is that she had expected Holly to wheedle her way out of coming from the moment Holly had, in rather strained voice, accepted her invitation in the first place.

There's no way though, that she's going to let Holly keep dodging around her, especially now that she's seen a hint of the green-eyed monster peering from the shadows of Holly's eyes. Gail needs to know more about it, whether Holly is jealous that Henry may be a potential romance or whether she's fearing being replaced by him as Gail's BFF, the worry that he's known Gail longer, and in some ways, more intimately than Holly has, sure to be playing on her adorable, over-thinking nerd's mind.

It's why she decides to head straight over to Holly's place instead of going for a drink with the gang at The Penny, bag of Chinese take-out in one hand and a bottle of red wine in the other.

Once she arrives at Holly's townhouse, Gail lets herself in without knocking as she's grown accustomed to doing over the years of their friendship, her well loved and worn key being tucked straight back away in her jacket pocket – settling back into its home next to the gold-plastic ring – once she's safely inside. The house is quiet and still, lit only by the moonlight creeping in through the blinds and illuminating the hallway. Gail shrugs out of her jacket and takes off her boots, her ears picking up the faint rhythm of fingertips scuttling across a keyboard as she moves further into the house towards the living-room, indicating Holly's location.

She's not surprised to find Holly dressed in her favourite sweats, her hair loosely pulled back into a messy ponytail, and her long legs, and fluffy socked covered feet, stretched out across the couch as she works away on the laptop balancing in her lap.

Not wanting to startle Holly with her unexpected presence, Gail simply raps her knuckles softly on the living-room door to draw her attention, and smiles as Holly's head whips around to spot her.

Holly's eyes widen in surprise at the sight of her, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "Hey," she says slowly, almost as if she's not convinced that her eyes aren't deceiving her. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be hanging out at The Penny?"

"Hey back," Gail greets in return with a small smile, and holds up the bag of Chinese take-out for Holly to see. "Nah, I prefer your company to theirs, Lunchbox. Besides, I thought you might fancy some yummy food and delicious wine to aid you as you tackle your report. How's it going by the way? Let me see."

She knows it's probably a little cruel to come at Holly full throttle, but Gail really feels that the only way they're going to stop skirting around each other is if she grabs the bull by the horns, so to speak, and forces them to deal with this thing head on for once. Holly worries her bottom lip between her teeth guiltily as Gail settles the food and wine down on the coffee table, and kneels down by the couch to reach for the laptop without waiting for Holly to respond to her question, twisting it in Holly's lap so she can see what Holly is really working on.

Her heart clenches as her eyes read over the information displayed on the screen, and she flicks her eyes across to meet Holly's with her lips turned downwards sadly. "Why are you looking up divorce lawyers again, Hol?" she asks gently as Holly's eyes shimmer sadly, her mouth pursing into a thin, tight line. "Especially with all the stress you've been under this week, I thought we were going to wait until after you published your research?"

Holly shrugs back at her, her eyes darting away. "I thought you might want to get it sorted quicker now..." she confesses in a low murmur, twisting the laptop back towards herself and away from Gail's prying eyes.

"Why would you think that?" Gail questions daringly, hoping that maybe, just maybe, Holly will give her something, even if it's just a small sign. "Just because my mom set me up with my old high school boyfriend?"

"No, but because you actually seemed _interested_ in him," Holly replies quietly, her eyes finding Gail's again and offering her a small, forced smile. "I don't want you to be trapped with me if you're wanting to get back out into the dating world."

There's a heaviness to Holly's smile, almost as if the act is crushing her, and for the first real time, Gail sees the jealousy she caught a glimpse of in Holly's eyes transforming into honest, unbridled hurt and sorrow. There's a yearning in Holly's gaze that sends a shiver down her spine, making Gail's own heart pang achingly to know that on some level Holly is struggling with her feelings too, and that she's added to the burden of that by allowing herself to bring Henry into the mix.

Jealousy is an ugly creature, a dark and festering disease that slowly consumes you and eats away at your mind, body and soul from the inside out. It's a nasty, crippling, exhausting emotion to fight against, and she doesn't want Holly to suffer it for a second longer. Gail thinks that maybe it's a little unfair of her to think that just because she's done working her feelings out for Holly, doesn't necessarily mean Holly is done working her own out just yet.

She obviously needs more time, and that's something Gail, with patience and understanding, can grant her willingly.

Gail reaches for the laptop once more, carefully closing the screen and reaches to curl her fingers around Holly's, lovingly brushing her thumb across the back of Holly's knuckles. "I'm not interested in Henry like that, Holly, or going back out on my mother's horrid set-ups," she reassures earnestly, her smile soft.

"You're not?" Holly blinks back at her, her gaze staring fixedly back at Gail as she lets her eyes desperately search over Gail's face for the truth, her voice tinged with relief as her fingers subconsciously squeeze back at Gail's own hopefully.

Gail shakes her head and lets her smile grow as the corners of Holly's mouth begin to twitch up into her adorable crooked grin. "I'm honestly not, Hol. He's just an old friend, and it was just nice to catch up with him."

"You're sure that's all he is to you?" Holly retaliates, doubt still lingering slightly in her eyes. "Because you seemed rather cosy together at the party for him to be just a friend."

"Henry is just a friend, I promise. An old friend, who knows me well perhaps, but that's all, there's nothing going on between us," Gail replies promisingly, shifting slightly on her knees as she takes the laptop from Holly's lap and sets it down on the coffee table. Holly sits up at her movement, swinging her legs down off the couch and creating a space for Gail to settle down next her. "Besides, even if he was interested in me, which he's not, I'm a happily married woman," Gail adds with a grin, bumping their shoulders assuredly and reaching for Holly's hand again, letting her fingers slide between Holly's own this time and affectionately intertwining them.

Holly smiles shyly in return, a slight flush rising in her cheeks as her eyes fall down to study their linked hands. "Good," she breathes deeply, the tension seemingly leaving her as she rubs her thumb along Gail's and looks back to her with contentment. "I'm glad – not that I don't want you to date and be happy, because I do – I just really don't have the time to or want to get divorced right now."

"I'm not going anywhere, Hol," Gail murmurs comfortingly, feeling Holly's body relaxing more and more against her own, her head coming to rest against Gail's own. "I told you before, there's no rush. I'm honestly good with how things are at the moment."

"You sure?" Holly repeats quietly. "I know asking to you to wait in this weird limbo is asking a lot."

Gail lifts her head, forcing Holly to mirror the action and lift her own until she's staring deeply back into Gail's eyes. "Holly, you're my favourite person in the whole world," she whispers softly. "I'd do anything for you, including being your wife for as long as you want and need me to be."

Holly blinks back at her for a quiet moment, almost as if she can't quite believe how wonderful and sweet Gail is being yet again, her eyes brimming with appreciative and awe-filled tears. "I really do adore you, I hope you know that, Gail," Holly murmurs lovingly in response, her voice thick with emotion as she leans in to press a lingering kiss to Gail's cheek.

"I adore you right back, Lunchbox," Gail replies with a tender smile, letting her own lips dust a kiss to Holly's temple, and feeling her heart swell as Holly's eyes flutter closed at the touch. Holly looks a little overwhelmed when Gail pulls back, and so she decides to lighten the mood, by jesting, "Besides, this is probably the happiest marriage I'll ever have, so I intend to enjoy every second of it while it lasts."

Holly smiles and shakes her head slightly in response as Gail wiggles her eyebrows playfully, but then, "I hope you don't mean that, Gail," Holly admonishes seriously, her voice soft and full of adoration, despite knowing Gail is just joking around to try and cheer her up, "because you, more than anyone I know, deserve a life filled with love and happiness."

"I have both of those things in my life right now," she says just as softly, the words coming naturally to her as she peers intensely into Holly's eyes and lets her fingers flex against Holly's own, tightening their hand-hold even more.

"You know what I mean," Holly mumbles, bumping their shoulders together once more as Gail nods knowingly, her cheeks still blushing bashfully at the sentiment regardless, and then in a whisper adds, "Me too."

Holly's eyes duck away from hers again then, dropping down to stare at her lap, and Gail knows how overwhelming all these new feelings are, and so without wanting to bombard Holly with too much too soon, she frees her hand from Holly's and gives her back a bit of space to gather her thoughts.

She's okay with letting Holly break their moment for now, knowing that she's learned far more from their interaction tonight than she ever dreamed to, and so Gail leans forward and reaches for the food, passing a carton over to Holly with a smile that promises her best friend that everything will be okay.

They spend the rest of the night just like old times, curled up together on the couch, watching Star Wars as they share the wine, Holly spurting random behind the scenes knowledge as they watch, and Gail rolling her eyes affectionately, teasingly calling her a 'giant sci-fi nerd' under her breath until Holly pinches at her side in playful retaliation, both of them content to stop over-thinking and just be for a little while.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** As always, a massive thank you to all of you for the continued love and support on this story, it means a lot :)

Things change for the better in the weeks that follow, like the weight of their impeding divorce has stopped looming so frightfully over them and granted them the freedom to tentatively keep moving forward.

(Forward to where or as what, Gail isn't sure quite yet...)

There's still an uncertainty surrounding the depth of Holly's feelings for her, but Gail finds solace in seeing Holly's heart and mind desperately trying to work out all of her emotions each and every time she looks at Gail now.

Despite keeping the truth of her own feelings unspoken – for a little while longer at least – the subtle new shift in the balance of their friendship means that her own feelings for Holly stop being something Gail feels so guilty and terrified about – although the fear that she might lose Holly in the course of all this still whispers dauntingly in her ears at times – and instead becomes something she's able to slowly embrace more fully with each longing, shy glance that they share.

Although they've managed to settle easily back into the old rhythm of their friendship, Gail grows more and more aware of a new, intense undercurrent thriving between them. It feels as though the interactions that used to pass between them mostly unnoticed save for the small subconscious acknowledgement of friendly affection – developed by the trust and comfort they've built up around each other over the years – suddenly seems amplified.

Their playful, teasing banter has become laced with a flirtatious undertone that often leaves one or both of them blushing slightly. Gail hears it in the way Holly's voice takes on a slight, soft purr, almost as if her lips and tongue are caressing each of the words that float free from her mouth, she sees it in the way Holly's eyes shift from a warm amber and grow dangerously dark and yearning, drawing Gail in, in, in, until she's utterly lost in their endless depths, and she feels it in the way the hairs prickle at the nape of her neck, shivers rippling down her spine as the effect of Holly's words wash over her and leave her increasingly breathless.

The friendly touches they often trade back and forth affectionately still occur, only now they've grown daringly bolder, tinged with ever developing desire, their intent becoming cautiously braver as they silently encourage one another to edge past once known boundaries.

It's in the hand she presses to the small of Holly's back, the once passing touch that she used as a greeting to let Holly know she'd arrived, transforming into fingertips courageously slipping beneath the hem of Holly's shirt to brush a feather-light caress along the base of her spine.

It's in the way Holly drags her feet up into her lap whenever Gail has a rather arduous shift, her dexterous fingers digging pleasantly into Gail's sock-clad feet and easing away the tension as Gail moans her appreciation, now with the extra addition of Holly's fingertips creeping up past her ankle to massage up along her calf too.

It's in the increasing frequency they brush kisses to each other's cheeks, temples, noses, to the top of each other's heads, almost as if any interaction they share warrants such a display; a kiss for a cup of coffee, a kiss for a blood result, a kiss for paying for lunch, a kiss hello, a kiss goodbye, a kiss goodnight, a kiss for being cute or pouty, for being tired or stressed, a kiss to reassure and congratulate, a kiss to support and even to playfully chastise. A kiss just for the sake of a kiss.

It's in the way they sleep, often in the same bed like always, but the rarity of snuggling born out of the need to console morphing into the inability to drift off without the comfort of being tangled together and touching in some way. It's in the way they naturally come together now without a second thought, like their sleeping positions are puzzle pieces that fit together seamlessly, Holly curling around her as the protective big spoon and Gail melding back against the warmth of Holly's body as she entwines their fingers and draws their hands up to rest between her breasts. It's even in the way Holly's sleepy lips sometimes seem to ghost along her shoulder, peppering kisses into her skin as she nestles closer still, lulling both of their bodies into a wonderful, peaceful slumber.

With each day of progression that passes, her heart growing evermore full and happy and content, Gail wonders if Holly, like her, is suddenly seeing everything shrouded in a different light, almost as if she's seeing everything about them for the first time again.

Sometimes, when she catches Holly looking at her, an array of emotions flickering in her eyes all at once – joy, adoration, hope, and a smidgen of fear – it feels like she might be.

/

The Tommy Armando case goes to court as expected, but Tommy refuses to go down without a fight, determined to drag a few of them down with him if he can. It shouldn't be surprising that he targets her, he had after all, warned Gail that he wouldn't forget her face. She's not sure how he and his lawyer manage it, but they somehow make a case to claim that he was never read his rights when he was arrested, and therefore his arrest isn't lawful or valid under the Toronto Criminal Code.

It's the most absurd thing Gail's ever heard, and yet the moment the news makes it's way around the policing grapevine, her mother is calling her and berating her like she's a small, useless child.

"How could you be so _stupid_ , Gail. Reading a criminal their rights at the moment of arrest is vital, standard protocol," Elaine bellows, her voice irate and scolding. "Did you learn nothing at the academy or did you simply just choose to be obtuse on this particular case?"

Gail winces at the sheer volume of her mother's tone and holds the phone away from her ear for a few seconds, allowing her mother to go on her little tirade, knowing that she won't shut the hell up until she's said all that she feels she needs to.

"Mom- Mother listen- no, of course not- Mom, his rights _were_ bloody read to him," she huffs out angrily, fighting to get herself heard over Elaine's never ending reprimand. "I know I'm not your protégé like Steve but I'm not a complete idiot, I know how to do my job, okay."

"Well, it doesn't seem that way, Gail, not with this happening, and on your first attempt to lead a case too!" her mother breathes in exasperation. "You're never going to make full detective with this stain on your record."

Gail feels her nails biting painfully into her palm as she curls her fingers into a clenched fist to stop herself from screaming in retaliation. "He's _lying_ , mother," she retorts bitingly. "He's a criminal that doesn't want to go to prison, it's not unusual for them to play dirty."

She hears her mother exhale deeply in response. "I want it sorted, Gail. You clear this up when you attend court, I will not have you tarnishing the Peck name now that I've replaced your father as Inspector. Am I understood?" Elaine orders sternly.

"Perfectly," she grunts back as she finishes the call, her anger blustering through her veins like a raging blizzard that freezes her from the inside out, and results in her furiously beating her enclosed fist against the hard, cool metal of her locker until she can finally feel her knuckles growing red and raw and stinging.

How it's possible that her mother has become even more insufferable and overbearing than she already was, Gail doesn't know, but somehow in the wake of her father stepping down and her mother being promoted to fill the role, her ego has managed to inflate itself considerably larger. She knows her mother is the more determined out of her parents, which is terrifying considering that her father is the real Peck, but Gail can't help but think of her in comparison to the rest of her mother's family. Whereas her father was just one of the many Peck generations to follow in the policing footsteps, her mother's family, the Cloutiers, were Quebecois folk, softly spoken and passionate, her grandfather being hailed as one of the top French chefs in Canadian history.

Gail blames her mother's complete lack of patience – and cooking skills of _any_ kind – for leading her away from her own family's path and to search out another outlet to channel her fierce ambition. Success is 90% luck and 10% timing, that's what her mother has always believed, and Gail wonders if that's how she views her relationship with her father. If it hadn't been for Cloutiers catering for the annual police ball, and Elaine being forced to attend and stumbling upon a young, wildly ambitious, and driven Bill Peck, then she would never have latched on to law enforcement. Gail's sure she would have found a different career path to be just as focused on eventually, but together with her father, they became a couple to be reckoned with, police royalty so to speak; well respected and ruthless.

They were the epitome of what a Peck family should be, especially with the addition of Steve, their golden child. Her older brother – by seven, large, separating years – was everything their child should be; attentive, motivated, moulded easily to their ideals. Whereas she was their surprise baby, the unruly little girl with the sensitive heart that they didn't have the time or patience to shape. If it hadn't been for her Uncle Harry – the other black sheep of the Peck clan – taking her under his wing and helping her to learn to deal with her parent's constant onslaught of expectations and disappointments, Gail doesn't know if she'd have even made it this far in her life.

Fingers grasp around her wrist before she can deal out another outraged blow and do out any serious, lasting damage to herself. "Enough, darlin'," Oliver commands, his voice firm but his eyes soft and sympathetic as he lowers her hand back down to her side. "Your locker is not the enemy here, and I don't have the money to replace it in the budget, so cool it, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Gail murmurs, breathing in and out deeply to regain control of her senses, her body turning to droop back against the locker she's just dented as she rubs tenderly at her more than likely, very bruised to be knuckles. "I'm so sick of her seeing me as the screw-up, Oliver," she confesses, breaking the silence that has swooped in now that her anger has evaporated. "Nothing I ever do is _Peck_ enough."

Oliver smiles tightly back at her and nods sadly. "Your folks have always been hard asses, their blue blood runs deep and clouds their minds sometimes. But you listen to your good pal, Oliver Shaw on this one; you're a _good_ cop, Gail, and you did your job right on that bust."

"I got my face smashed in because I didn't clear the building properly," Gail fires back dismissively. "I'm lucky Swarek had already hauled Armando out to the cruisers because otherwise I could have been looking at a real dangerous situation."

"We've all made mistakes on the job, Gail, but that doesn't mean we're bad officers," Oliver reaffirms, his hand reaching out to clasp her shoulder comfortingly. "Armando is pushing his luck and everybody knows that, the judge just needs you to present your evidence calmly and confidently, and then she'll charge him without a second thought to your little mishap. She wants scum like him off our streets too, remember that. And as for your mother, she hates us all, I'm pretty sure she's actually one of Satan's minions. So don't let her get to you too much, kiddo."

Gail lets out an amused breath and nods once in response. "I'll try," she breathes unconvincingly.

Luckily, before Oliver can father her any further, Holly rounds the corner with a bright smile on her face that instantly melts away the remainder of her ire.

"Hey, thanks for coming to pick me up," she greets, pushing herself off the locker and stepping into Holly's body, wrapping her arms tightly around her for a much needed hug.

"Of course," Holly replies returning the unexpected embrace, and pulling back after a couple of seconds to eye Gail suspiciously. "Everything okay?"

Gail nods again and flashes a forced smile at her. "Fine," she responds at the same time that Oliver says, "Her mother's giving our petulant Peck a hard time about the Armando case."

"Ah," Holly breathes, her mouth twisting into an understanding smile as Gail glares at Oliver, who simply winks at Holly before leaving them to it.

"Forget whatever your mother said, honey, you'll be great in court tomorrow," Holly reassures softly as she reaches for the lapels of Gail's leather jacket and tugs her closer, knowing that whatever Elaine has said is enough to wound Gail's gentle heart and fill her mind with self-doubt. "Let's get you home, okay? I've got lasagne in the oven waiting and a sprinkled doughnut with your name on it for dessert."

She knows Holly is trying to cheer her up but she can't help but grumble, "Can't I forget about the lasagne that I know comes with _salad_ and just have the doughnut and some tequila?"

"No tequila the night before court, honey, sorry," Holly says, shaking her head and smiling fondly at her. "But after dinner I'll give you a foot rub while you play your shooting game to help you unwind, how's that deal sound instead?"

"Fine, but no chastising me when I pretend each target I take down is my wicked witch of a mother," Gail retorts petulantly to which Holly promises with a cute, lopsided smile.

With a last, deep exhale to expel her lingering scorn, Gail allows herself to meld tiredly against Holly's side, and lets Holly wrap her arm around her shoulders as she leads them out of the locker room. At least she can spend the rest of her evening surrounded in the safety of Holly's presence and know that no matter what happens in court tomorrow, Holly will never judge her for it and love her her regardless of the mistakes and flaws that her mother and father just can't ever seem to look past.

/

She's six the first time she ever has to stand up on a stage in front of a crowd. It's suppose to be an end of year, fun production of ' _Goldilocks and the three bears_ ' and yet somehow her parents manage to make it into this big, huge, important deal.

They stare up at her expectantly from their front row seats, and while all the other parents are smiling and waving at their children, Gail can feel hers silently willing her not to mess up, to enunciate clearly and loudly so that her voice travels all the way to the back of the room. She only has the one line, and yet when her turn comes and she steps nervously to the centre of the stage to deliver it, the words seem to get stuck in her belly, and Gail can't get her mouth open to make a sound no matter how hard she tries. The room grows quiet as they wait for her to overcome her struggle, sympathetic smiles emerging on all the parents' faces except her own.

It ends with her bottom lip quivering as tears blur her vision and trickle down her cheeks, and instead of rushing up to comfort her or calling out to encourage her to try again, her mother and father simply stare back at her in silent disappointment. They don't speak to her on the drive home, and she get's sent to bed with Millie, the housekeeper, to tuck her in, and in the morning her father leads her out into the garden and makes her stand on an old tin bucket, rigidly upright and without fidgeting, and repeat her line back to him for over an hour until he's convinced she does actually know it.

When tears threaten to surface in her eyes again, her knees beginning to wobble from having to stand so stiff and still for so long, her father shakes his head and says, "Peck's don't cry, Gail, and they don't stand mute either. I won't have this happen again, understood?"

Gail nods her head, which earns her a clip around the ear and an order to speak up, and once she manages to mumble a weak 'I promise, daddy' in response, her father briskly dismisses her to her room and tells her not to come out until dinner is ready.

Unfortunately, the harsh ways of the Peck's didn't cure her nerves, in fact the lesson her parents tried to teach her only serves to make the anxiety Gail gets whenever she might have to do any public speaking worse and more severe as she gets older. Her body trembles with fear, her teeth chatter, her hands shake, her body sweats and her stomach coils into a tight knot that leaves her feeling light-headed and nauseous.

The hands on the clock seem bone piercingly loud as she waits to be called in to present her case, each passing _tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock,_ echoing around inside her skull so vehemently that it rattles the thoughts straight out of her brain. Her chest feels heavy and constricted, as if her lungs have collapsed under the weight of her nerves and are left struggling to pull in and push out the oxygen that Gail needs so desperately to breathe. Her blood is thundering so wildly through her veins that Gail worries that her erratic pulse might tear her flesh open just to have somewhere to escape to.

Her legs won't stop jittering up and down fitfully no matter how hard she tries to get them to stop, and the waves of adrenaline crashing over her get stronger and stronger with each second that passes, leaving her bones and muscles trembling in dreaded anticipation. Gail can't help but let her body take control as the time grows frightfully nearer, her fight or flight instinct forcing her up onto her wobbly legs as she staggers into the nearest ladies' restroom.

With faltering fingers she manages to turn on the faucet, a rush of ice cold water racing down into her hands as she cups enough to rapidly splash over her face. She repeats the action several times, clenching her eyes shut as hears the doubts of her parents whispering in her ears, taunting her like an unrelenting devil on her shoulder; ' _You're not good enough to be a Peck_ ,' the voices hiss cruelly, ' _Always screwing up. Always such a failure, an embarrassment. You shame us. Give up, give up, give up..._ '

Just as she feels herself growing defeated, their attempts to drag her down becoming too strong for her to resist any longer, a hand presses to her back, warm and safe and real, anchoring her and refusing to let her go. Gail gasps slightly as she lifts her head up and blinks opens her eyes to see Holly staring back at her with deep concern etched over her face, the fluorescent lighting above her shrouding her in an angelic glow like the saving grace she is.

"Hey, I'm here now, it's okay," Holly murmurs, almost as if she believes Gail needs the additional reassurance despite being able to clearly see that Holly is standing before her. "You're okay, honey," she consoles, her spare hand reaching up to cup Gail's cheek, thumbing away the droplets of water that still linger on her skin. "I'm so sorry I was running late, traffic was a nightmare."

Gail nods and lets her eyes flutter closed briefly once again as she inhales and exhales deeply. "I don't think I can do this, Hol," she confesses in a staggered breath. "Look at the state of me, I'm a mess. I'm going to look like a fool up there. They're all going to know I can't do my job properly and-"

" _Shh_ ," Holly hushes, pulling Gail into her body and wrapping her tightly in her arms as she soothes her palms comfortingly up and down Gail's back and holds her steady, letting Gail take a much needed moment to collect herself as she buries her face into Holly's neck and takes her in. "Just breathe for me," she instructs softly, slowly helping to ground Gail once more.

Gail clutches firmly at Holly's waist in response, her fingertips rooting themselves in the material of Holly's shirt as she uses her hold to brace herself back into reality and lets the voices fade away into nothingness, until all that's left in the stillness of the room is the sound of their hushed breathing and the synchronised beating of their hearts.

Holly's hands move to cradle her face when she feels Gail fully relax against her, and she draws her head back slowly to allow herself to search out Gail's eyes, holding her gaze intensely. "You are _more_ than good enough, Gail Peck, do you hear me," she says determinately, her voice calm and sincere as she wills Gail to believe her. "You _can_ do this, no matter what your idiotic, asshole parents think or say." Gail's lips twitch into a hint of a smile but Holly still refuses to let her look away, her thumb moving to trace across Gail's lips, keeping Gail connected. "You do not need them to validate your worth as a police officer _or_ as a person. You are strong and brave, and kind and smart, and you have a bigger heart and better soul than they could ever dream of having. Believe in yourself like I believe in you, honey, and you will be just fine in there, I promise."

If her parents are the apocalypse that has come to ravage her with self-destroying doubts and eradicate her mediocre existence, Holly is the saviour that leads her to shelter and safety and gives her meaning in a world where she feels she has nothing of worth to give. No matter how many times she's come close to being beaten and broken down by their harsh expectations, Holly always swoops in to encourage her back to her feet, sharing the weight of Gail's demons, while Gail finds the last remnants of strength to keep fighting against them, to keep going on as exactly who she is and as she is.

Holly may not be part of her biological family, but Holly is her _real_ family, the only person who truly loves and supports her unconditionally. Gail presses a grateful kiss to the tip of the thumb Holly's still tracing across her lips, earning a dazzling, toothy smile in return, and has to blink back a wave of tears that are suddenly brimming in her eyes as she feels her heart swell at Holly's absolute adoration for her, the depth of Holly's belief in her blossoming beautifully in Gail's chest and filling her with a new surge of courage.

"I _can_ do this," she echoes back in a quiet breath, and then louder and more assured a second time as Holly's beautiful smile continues to grow, lighting up every inch of her face, "I can do this."

"You _can_ do this, honey," Holly reaffirms, leaning forward to press her lips sweetly to Gail's forehead. "I will be in the stands the whole time watching, so if you feel yourself getting nervous, you just focus on me and pretend it's just us in the room; just you telling me about your case like always, okay?"

Gail swallows away the anxious dryness creeping into her mouth and nods. "Okay, I can do that," she says knowing that she'll more than likely need to, and just as she readies herself with a final deep breath, Swarek knocks on the door and calls through to her that the judge is ready for them.

/

Gail can feel the burning heat of Armando's villainous gaze latching onto her the moment she steps foot into the court room. She manages to keep her eyes fixed forward as she approaches the stand and gets sworn in, and only allows her gaze to flick between Holly's and the judges whenever a question is presented to her.

"Officer Gail Peck, police constable for 15 Division, badge number 8727," Gail states professionally as the judge asks her to identity herself for the sake of their records.

"Am I right to say that you are currently in training to become a detective, Officer Peck?" the judge, Amelia Florence, asks as she looks up from her notes to peer at Gail.

"Yes, Ma'am, that's correct," Gail replies agreeably.

"Am I also right to say that for the case of Thomas Armando, you were given the chance to lead the bust that led to his arrest? Can you expand on that for us."

"I was," Gail answers, her tongue swiping out to wet away the dryness of her lips. "I had picked up the evidence trail that led us to believe that Mr. Armando was using a warehouse just on the outskirts of the city as a hub for his weapons dealing, and as a result the detectives supervising me in the investigation – Detective Swarek and Detective Nash – allowed me to set up a stakeout operation to gather more evidence."

The judge nods as she takes in Gail's testimony. "And these stakeouts – which I'm reading here in your report – took place over a two week period?"

"They did," Gail confirms, stealthily wiping her sweaty palms on her thighs, as she tries to maintain an air of confidence. "We wanted to be thorough and make sure we had the right evidence and cause to warrant a bust. We recorded Mr. Armando using teenagers to sell his weapons during this time, and as a result of his illegal trading of weapons and dangerous manipulation of minors, we arranged a bust for that weekend."

"You, as the detective-in-training on that case, with the support of your supervising detectives, then led that bust, correct?"

"That's correct," Gail answers. "We had blueprints of the warehouse and surveillance of Mr. Armando's comings and goings of the warehouse, and with a team of officers and Detective Swarek, we planned our approach and executed the raid to plan."

The judge frowns slightly at her then, her eyebrow arching disbelievingly. "Well, according to Mr. Armando, not quite to plan, Officer Peck. He claims that you never read him his rights at the arrest, is that true?"

Gail feels a lump form in her throat as her body stiffens anxiously, her fingers instantly fumbling for the gold-plastic ring in her trouser pocket as her eyes search Holly out in the crowd. She can feel droplets of sweat beading along her hairline and dampening the back of her neck as the judge stares her down, waiting expectantly for a decent explanation.

Holly smiles encouragingly back at her, urging Gail on with a subtle nod of her head, and Gail swallows thickly, coughing slightly as she attempts to clear her throat, and focuses on the gold-plastic ring rolling comfortingly between her fingertips as she gets lost momentarily in Holly's warm eyes.

"I didn't arrest Mr. Armando, so it is true that _I_ did not read him his rights," Gail admits as she lets her fingers curl tightly around the gold-plastic ring, feeling it digging into her skin as the judge quirks her eyebrow impatiently. In her peripheral vision she can see Tommy and his lawyer smirking at her, relishing in what they assume is her slip-up, but with a final glance to Holly, Gail finds the strength to return her eyes to the judge. "While I kept my firearm trained on Mr. Armando, ordering him to cooperate by putting his own weapon down, Detective Swarek approached him and carried out the arrest."

The judge nods in understanding. "So, Detective Swarek arrested Mr. Armando and read him his rights?"

Gail feels her eyebrows knit together worryingly as she recalls the moment. "No, Sam- Detective Swarek made the arrest and led Mr. Armando out to the cruiser with another officer's assistance, so I assume he read his rights to him then."

The judge sighs out an amused breath despite not looking amused at all. "You _assume_ , Officer Peck? As the detective acting lead on the bust, did you not think it was your duty to follow the arrest all the way through?"

Gail swipes her fingers across her forehead, wiping away the perspiration that's gathered there. "Mr. Armando was trying his hardest to goad me with inappropriate comments," she admits in a strained voice, hating that she's having to bring it up, knowing that the judge will be aware of her history involving the kidnapping and Perrick, and hating how it always manages to make her feel weak and vulnerable. "So my supervising detective, Detective Swarek, thought it would be best to step in and remove Mr. Armando to the cruiser while he left me inside to follow up with the bust. I _trusted_ my partner to follow protocol on this matter," Gail says, allowing her eyes to drift across to find Sam.

"Well, it looks like Detective Swarek is sloppy when it comes to filing in his paperwork because I have no written record indicating that he read Mr. Armando his rights, and no co-signing witness testimony from another officer," Judge Florence informs her sternly. "The paperwork that I do have however, Officer Peck, is a hospital report, stating that you suffered a head injury at the scene. What this tells me is that your bust and arrest of Mr. Armando was _not_ well planned or executed."

"Ha, suck it, blondie," Tommy chortles from his seat, making Gail's mind immediately flash with contradicting images of Ross Perrick and his calm amusement when he witnessed her discomfort and internal struggle as she tried to work him for information on the Grace Allison Finn case.

"You will remain silent if you do not wish to return to your prison cell so swiftly, Mr. Armando," the judge fires back as quick as a flash of lightening, her voice booming loudly around the court room and startling them all. "What do you have to say on this matter, Officer Peck? Because at this current moment it's looking like Mr. Armando may very well have a case about his invalid arrest."

Gail stutters slightly, not knowing what to say, her eyes flickering to glare over at Sam once more, who at least has the decency to look somewhat sheepish under the intensity of her anger, his lips pressing tightly together into an apologetic line as he lowers his gaze. All of her hard work and effort may be going down in flames and this scumbag may walk free all because her moronic superior didn't file his paperwork properly. She lets her eyes flit across to Holly again and sees the tense set of her shoulders as she too glowers over at Sam before glancing up at Gail empathetically.

"Well, Officer Peck?" the judge prompts.

Gail lets her eyes fall shut for a second as she takes a deep breath in, knowing that there is no possible way for her to rectify the situation, her stomach twisting and churning with the unpleasant notion that maybe her mother was right after all, maybe she is just destined to always be a screw-up; forever the black sheep of the family, forever the disappointment Peck.

"Your honour," she swallows thickly, forcing the words out past her increasingly dry lips, "there is no exc-"

Her reply is cut short as a court officer comes hurrying into the room and rapidly approaches the judge, and with a hushed explanation, passes over something that looks to be a CD-ROM.

"Officer Peck, Detective Swarek, and Mr. Lang, join me in my chambers please," Judge Florence orders. "Officer Garren, please escort Mr. Armando back to holding until further notice."

Tommy voices his displeasure loudly as he's led away, and with a quick, confused glance to Holly, who simply mouths ' _don't worry_ ' to her, Gail follows Sam and Tommy's lawyer into the judge's chambers.

They stand silent and awkward as the judge views the new evidence, nothing but a considering ' _hmm_ ' leaving her mouth as she studies the information before her. After what seems like minutes but is properly only seconds, Judge Florence leans back in her chair, hands clasped in her lap as she stares intently over at them.

"It would appear, detectives, that an Officer Dov Epstein has managed to produce footage from the cruiser, capturing Detective Swarek and an Officer Moore reading Mr. Armando his rights," the judge explains, holding up her hand on reflex as Tommy's lawyer opens his mouth to protest. "While this does not excuse your negligence of the required paperwork, Detective Swarek, I am willing to regard this at its presented value, and conclude that Mr. Armando was indeed arrested lawfully. However, I don't expect this to happen again, Detective Swarek, you are to set an example, understood?" Sam nods solemnly. "Mr. Armando's trial will begin next week. That is all. You are dismissed." Gail feels the relief crashing over her but only manages to spin on her heel before the judge calls her back. "Not you, Officer Peck, I would like a moment more of your time."

"Your honour, I recognise my mistake in this matter," Gail rushes out, pre-empting what she assumes will be another stern dressing down. "It won't happen again, I assure you."

"Rightfully so," Judge Florence states firmly, and then with a softer tone, "I know I was harsh on you out there, Officer Peck, but I believe, despite you only being in training for a detective position, that you have good potential. However, from this moment on it is _your_ responsibility to ensure you are following protocol down to the finest detail. Learn from Detective Swarek's mistake. As a detective you will face more time in court, and your paperwork needs to reflect that you are prepared for that, otherwise the criminals walk free. I can only come to a verdict on the evidence provided to me."

"It won't happen again," Gail repeats earnestly, nodding her head more to herself than anything. "I'll check and double check all of the case notes and reports."

"Good," Judge Florence retorts, a hint of a smile pulling at her lips for a split second before she flicks her hand towards the door. "You're dismissed."

Gail nods her head in polite recognition and then leaves without hesitating a second longer, not wanting to give the judge any more excuses to reprimand her. Holly stands immediately when she sees her return, lines of worry etched into her face as her eyes desperately seek Gail's out.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Holly blurts questioningly, her body moving on auto-pilot to close the remaining space between them and her hand instantly reaching out to grasp supportively at Gail's arm.

Gail nods, letting her fingers reach up to curl around Holly's own, and squeezing reassuringly. "I'm fine," she murmurs, letting her eyes hold Holly's for a few moments. "I got rightfully scolded on the matter..." She lets her sentence trail off as Sam cautiously approaches them, her glare turning icy. "You really didn't think you should have mention to me beforehand that this was all because you didn't file the paperwork? _Really_ Sam? Way to hang me out to dry up there."

"Hey, I gave it to a rookie, Peck, it's not my fault it got misplaced," Sam defends himself cockily. "Armando was never gonna walk anyway, this was all just so the judge could throw her authority around a little before the trial."

At his excuse, a disbelieving breath escapes her mouth before she can think to stop it. "Wow, you really are an arrogant jackass, Swarek," she drawls slowly, letting her voice drip with utter disdain, and feeling Holly's fingers slipping between her own, tugging at her slightly in a silent plea to let it go now that she's said her piece.

"And you need to grow some balls, Peck. If you're gonna make it as a real detective, you need to stop worrying about what mommy and daddy might say. This was nothing to get so worked up about," Sam shrugs pompously back at her. "What really counts is that we worked well together on the bust and you know it. So hate me for a few days if you want, I really don't care, we don't need to like each other or be pals. Just remember that I'm still your superior, Peck, so you better show me some respect, because it's _me_ that's going to be giving a review to Jarvis at the end of your probation period."

The remark shouldn't surprise her, she knows that even after all of her years working with them that some of them still think that she's only a police officer because of who her parents are, and that they're behind her every accomplishment. No matter how hard she tries to prove to them otherwise, some of them will never give her the credit she's due. If anything, Gail thinks, it's _in spite_ of her parents that she's ended up becoming a good, hard-working, honest cop.

"Are you _threatening_ her?" Holly growls defensively, surprising them all by stepping forward in challenge, her shoulders squaring and her eyes darkening dangerously. "Because I swear to god, Detective Swarek, you had better not be. _You_ messed up on the arrest. _You_ messed up on the paperwork. _You_ are the reason that prick Armando almost bloody walked. You might think this is all just some joke, but if he'd walked and then some young kid got one of his guns and killed somebody, say an officer on the job – _McNally_ perhaps – then you wouldn't be brushing it off so easily as nothing to get worked up about, would you?"

Sam purses his mouth together and nods slightly, his aloof posture crumbling under Holly's tirade and leaving him vulnerable and guilty before them. His eyes daringly dart away from Holly's to find Gail's, who's desperately fighting to hold back a smile. "You're right, okay? I'm sorry," he says stiffly, holding his hands up in defeat. "It's my mistake, not yours. You actually did a pretty decent job leading the bust, Peck."

"Thank you," Gail replies politely, nodding her head in return to let Sam know that they're okay for now, as long as nothing like this happens again on one of their cases. He chances a final glance at Holly, ducking his head in recognition and leaves without so much as daring to utter another word to her, Holly's gaze following him every step of the way and burning into the back of his head.

Nobody has ever so outright and vehemently stood up for her before, and as she touches her hand to the small of Holly's back and strokes her thumb lovingly against the silky softness of Holly's shirt, drawing Holly's attention to her once more, Gail can't help but be filled with overwhelming awe.

"I can't believe you just defended my honour like that, Lunchbox," Gail murmurs affectionately, her eyes still full of wonder as she soaks up the sight of her usually cool, calm and collected best friend, who normally avoids confrontation at all costs, standing tall and strong and gallant just for her.

Holly flushes in response, her cheeks growing rosy and her mouth twisting into a shy, embarrassed smile as she ducks her eyes away from Gail's and reaches up to nervously adjust her glasses. "I don't know what came over me," she confesses, biting at her lip and timidly meeting Gail's gaze. "Just... how _dare_ he try and pin it all on you, you know?" Holly reasons, growing agitated again as she clearly runs the moment over in her mind, and making Gail grin fondly back at her as she slides her hand appreciatively down Holly's arm. The gesture seems to bolster Holly's resolve once more, her conviction in her actions shining through as she adds, "I'm not having anybody speak to you like that, Gail, not on my watch."

As her heart swells and bursts in her chest, Gail simply holds Holly's gaze and lets her fingers drift down over Holly's wrist until she's able to curl her fingers beneath Holly's own, gently but purposefully lifting Holly's hand up to her mouth, and pressing a sweet, soft, lingering kiss to Holly's ring finger.

Gail may not be brave enough to speak those three little words that wait ever so patiently on the tip of her tongue quite yet, but with the slight hitch in Holly's breath at Gail's tender gesture, and the resulting blush that colours every inch of Holly's skin as she stares reverently back at her, it makes Gail feel almost as if she had been.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** Apologies for the delay with this chapter, life got a little busy and the story has shaped up a little differently than I originally thought, so I've had to get my thoughts and plan in order.
> 
> Initially chapter 6 was going to be the final chapter but because of the length of the chapter and what still needs to unfold I've broken it down. There will be a final chapter after this (chapter 7) and then an epilogue to tie things up, rounding it up to a nice even 8 chapters in total.
> 
> Thank you all for being so patient and kind and constantly sending me messages of love for this story on tumblr and here. It means the so much to me, I really appreciate all your feedback.

Gail becomes aware that she's conscious gradually.

The murmured sound of shuffled movement creeps into her ears and lifts her closer and closer to wakefulness, and as her sleepy eyes slowly begin to flutter open, her body stretching and curling tighter around the lingering warmth that she's hugging close to her chest, she realises that she's been left in bed alone with only the softness of Holly's pillow to cuddle with.

As she lifts her head to turn towards the quiet movement in the room, she's rewarded with the sight of Holly, her bare back to Gail as she finishes clipping her bra in place and pulls a shirt over her head. It's probably a little voyeuristic to be so happy and content to watch Holly getting herself ready, but she can't help but feel her heart swell, her lips curling up into a small smile as she takes in the sight of Holly running her fingers through her wild hair and pulling it back to tie into a messy ponytail before slipping her glasses on, and then pushing them adorably back up her nose as the slip down a little as she bends to pick up her towel.

There's something about these quiet moments she gets to witness, that makes Gail more and more assured that she's fallen in love with her best friend. Working the late shifts for the past week has meant that they've missed each other for the most part, and yet, whenever Gail finally finishes up at the station and returns to Holly's townhouse, it's always to find a cute little note tacked to the fridge with some food plated up and ready for her. After hurrying through her meal, Gail always sneaks silently upstairs, part of her hoping to find Holly still awake, wanting nothing more than to hear her beautiful voice and lay eyes on that crooked smile that melts her insides, and the other part of her is always thankful that Holly's peacefully asleep, because it allows Gail the freedom to really look and take her in. The way her eyelids flutter as she dreams, her mouth always slightly agape and twitching into the imitation of a smile as she snores softly, and her dark, messy hair sprawled around her at such crazy angles that it always makes Gail smile in fond amusement.

It's even better once she crawls into bed to join her, careful not to allow her movement to jolt Holly unexpectedly awake, when Holly's body always, instinctively, rolls towards her. Her leg slipping between Gail's and tangling their limbs together and her arm reaching out to encircle Gail's waist, tugging until the warmth of Gail's body is melded perfectly against her own, a position that always forces a contented sigh from Holly's sleeping lips and makes Gail echo an equally contented one in return as she drifts into the depths of slumber in the safety of Holly's loving embrace.

"Where you going so early?" Gail questions grumpily, her voice hoarse from sleep and lapsing into a yawn as Holly turns towards her in surprise, a soft smile forming on her lips at the sight of Gail's heavy-lidded eyes blinking up at her.

She wordlessly comes to perch on the edge of the bed, her fingertips immediately reaching out to stroke softly through Gail's short hair and making Gail hum approvingly as she nuzzles into the affectionate touch.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Holly murmurs apologetically, knowing that Gail probably didn't crawl into bed with her until a few hours ago and feeling guilty that she's disturbed her, her fingernails scratching lightly at the base of Gail's skull, knowing that the gentle touch is normally more than enough to render Gail back into the land of dreams. "I'm just off for a couple of hours to be all 'gross and sporty' as you'd say," Holly quips in a teasing whisper, knowing how much Gail hates exercise, and smiling as she watches Gail's eyes fighting to keep awake now that Holly is lulling her with her caress. "So, my little grumpy kitten, why don't you grab some more sleep, and then once I'm back and you're properly rested and awake, we can go and get some breakfast at that nice cafe you like."

Gail almost gives in to the heaviness dragging her into utter relaxation, her body becoming boneless beneath Holly's touch, but just as she feels herself starting to slip, her breathing turning that little bit shallower, her mind suddenly seems to process the extent of Holly's words, and her eyes flicker open once more, this time wide and far more alert.

"Today's your first proper game, right?" Gail asks and she shifts upright, her eyes holding Holly's own questioningly.

After their first venture together at the batting cages all those years ago, Gail had quickly learned that Holly was a sports nut. Soccer, softball, tennis, hockey, you name it, she watched it, supported it, and even played it. It hadn't been a surprise then, that Gail had discovered that Holly had been on many sporting teams throughout college, but that the workload of medical school and her residency had soon made playing sports on a team a thing of the past, and weekly solo trips to the batting cages or hockey rink something of the present.

Until recently that was at least – a few weeks before their trip to Vegas – when Holly had announced that she was joining a softball team made up from the forensic departments collection of science nerds. Nothing major, just a few of them getting together for a couple of hours every other Sunday morning to play a few practice games, more for fun than anything. Only after a few weeks of training and turning out to be quite good, they'd managed to get themselves signed up for a friendly match with another team and invited to take part in a minor tournament.

Gail doesn't remember Holly being more excited about anything so dorky before, and even though she'd teased Holly relentlessly ever since she caught her talking tactics seriously with one of the lab assistants on one of their lunch breaks, she'd promised that she'd come and support her friend in her first proper match.

Somehow, it seems even more important that she go and support Holly now, given that they're married and all.

Holly smiles softly back at her and nods. "I should have known you wouldn't forget, you've got the memory of an elephant, Peck."

Gail grins toothily in return, kicking the covers off her legs and letting the cool air help wake her up even more. "First I'm a grumpy kitten, now I'm an elephant, I'm not sure which one is more offensive, Lunchbox," she jokes playfully, and scowling slightly when Holly ruffles her hair and makes an unsubtle purring sound that makes Gail bat her hand away with a feigned scowl.

"You don't have to come, honestly," Holly offers kindly as she gets up to find her bag, "we didn't know you'd be working nights when you promised you would, and I was never actually going to hold you to it, Gail, we both know you'd hate every second of it."

It's kind of true, Gail knows, she's grumbled each and every time Holly has ever tried to involve her in sports, always claiming that her noodle arms where only suited to hold her gun or doughnuts, and always sulking slightly when she realises just how non-athletic she is compared to Holly, who seems like a freaking sporting goddess in comparison. Not to mention she finds all of them ridiculously boring, why on earth would fully grown men and women want to spend their time running around and chasing a ball or hitting a puck when they could be drinking tequila and playing computer games?

The whole sports thing is a mystery to her, the appeal seriously lacking, and yet for some reason she feels the overwhelming desire to be part of this, to be there for Holly and support her in doing something she so clearly loves and enjoys.

"I'm coming, Hol, I always keep my promises, you know that, and besides I'm kinda looking forward to seeing you out-sport all the other sporty science nerds," Gail replies earnestly, earning a bashful smile from Holly in return. "Go, Lunchbox!" Gail practice cheers in a sing-song that makes Holly shake her head in amusement.

"Well then, I'm glad you'll be there to cheer me on," Holly murmurs, squeezing appreciatively at Gail's ankle in return and then playfully wiggling her eyebrows as she adds, "I've always wanted my very own cheerleader."

"You should be honoured, I don't shake my pom-poms for just anybody, Stewart," Gail retorts with a smirk, winking flirtatiously in a way that makes Holly blush and avert her gaze.

With the matter settled, Gail leans forward to press a quick reassuring kiss to the top of Holly's head before rushing into the bathroom to shower and get ready. Holly's all but ready by the time she emerges again, dressed in her team jersey with her bag by her feet and waiting patiently for Gail, and so Gail quickly towels her hair and grins goofily at Holly as she reveals her short blonde tresses sticking up wildly.

"Can I wear one of your spare jerseys? I want to at least look the part even if I have no idea what's actually going on and I left my cheer skirt at home," Gail jests as Holly set her bag down and moves in to lovingly smooth Gail's hair down, her fingertips gently brushing across Gail's forehead as she swoops her fringe to the right position and making a shiver tingle down Gail's spine.

"Of course," Holly replies absently, moving to perch on the end of the bed to tie her shoes, and then glancing up a few seconds later to see Gail pulling her oldest, college jersey, all tatty and well worn, over her head. "You know, I do have ones in better condition than that one."

"But this one is the softest," Gail retorts with a smile, smoothing her hands down her stomach and fingering one of the thread-bare holes, loving how it smells all Holly-like and how across her back the name 'Stewart' is printed big and bold, making her feel as if the people who will see her wearing it will actually believe that she truly belongs to Holly. "Do I look ridiculous?" she questions seriously, noting the way Holly is looking over at her with a strange expression on her face.

Holly just blinks back at her for a moment and then smiles softly and nods, her eyes warm and suddenly full of unbridled affection.

"Yes," she replies moving over to Gail and reaching out to press her palm to Gail's back as she looks her up and down appreciatively for a final time, "but you look ridiculously _adorable_ , so I think it's okay."

Normally Gail would protest to being called something so fluffy as 'adorable' but with the way Holly's fingertips have started tracing over the lettering on the back of the jersey, absently imprinting her last name into Gail's skin as her eyes hold Gail's own, Gail can do nothing but lean even further into the touch and wordlessly concede to the statement.

* * *

"Explain the rules to me again," Gail says as Holly pulls the car to a standstill at a stop-light, her eyebrows furrowed together as she tries to piece the information she already has into a clear picture. "I think I've almost got them."

Holly's already explained the rules to softball to her three times at her request on the car journey to the park, but as it turns out, while she may be able to memorise the notes for any case she's working ever, Gail just can't quite seem to grasp the rules to this damn game.

Maybe she really is well and truly sports inept.

Holly just glances over at her, taking in Gail's evident growing frustration and grins. "Why do you care so much about the rules all of a sudden, honey? You know you're going to hate this," Holly replies honestly, although not unkindly, turning her attention back to the road as the lights change again. "I really appreciate you getting up early to come and watch, but I don't expect you to actually learn how the game works. I mean, wasn't the original promise that you would come and see me play but only if you could sit in the stands and eat a pretzel and make fun of everyone?"

Gail takes a moment to look over at her best friend and feels her heart flutter in her chest at how utterly beautiful she even like this, with her hair messily pulled back, face fresh from make-up, and wearing nothing but shorts and a baggy, bright purple jersey. The original promise, that did indeed include the deal that she would come and watch but only if she could eat snacks and clap only when everybody else did and make snide remarks about the other players, suddenly no longer feels right at all. It doesn't feel good enough, not when Holly always gives her all to be there for her, and more than that, Gail feels her previous indifference about Holly playing sports being replaced with the burning want, no, _need_ , to take an interest and support her whole heartedly.

"I care because it's _you_ I'm coming to watch play, Hol," Gail confesses sincerely, watching as Holly's face lights up brightly in response, that adorable lopsided smile tugging at Holly's lips and making Gail's fluttering heart beat a littler harder and a little faster. "Now, tell me the rules so I can be the best wife in the crowd," Gail repeats with a grin, loving the way a surge of warmth crashes over her as Holly laughs happily and excitedly attempts to explain the rules to her once again as she reaches across the centre console to affectionately squeeze Gail's hand, and breaks into a soft, shy smile when Gail immediately threads their fingers together.

* * *

Holly's team couldn't have picked a more glorious day for their first official game if they tried, the sun shining brightly – _hotly –_ down over the park, and forcing Holly to pull some sunscreen lotion out of her bag as she smirks Gail's way.

The sight of it makes Gail want to flee, years of childhood vacation memories where she spent the whole time covered from head to toe in the damn stuff rushing back to her, and it's as if Holly knows her plan, because she's instantly tugging at Gail's wrist to stop her from escaping, and gently swiping some of the cool liquid across Gail's pale cheeks and nose.

"Pout all you like," Holly says with a smile as she massages the lotion in, "but we both know you'll be lobster red by the end of the day if we don't protect your precious porcelain skin, and then you really will be grumpy if you end up all red, and burnt, and hurting, after having been made to watch sports all morning."

Gail stands with her arms down at her sides like a petulant child as Holly covers every inch of of her exposed skin with the sunscreen, and feels a flush creeping up her neck and burning the tip of her ears as she sees Holly's approaching colleagues watching the scene unfold with amusement.

"I think I'm all protected now, Lunchbox," Gail murmurs, gently batting Holly's hands away. "Any more of that stuff and I'll become invisible."

Holly huffs out a laugh in response and puts the sunscreen back into her bag. "Just one more thing, honey, and I'll happily consider you sun-proof," she responds, digging around in her bag until she pulls out a baseball cap and reaches up to settle it on Gail's head, making her scowl once more. "Now you look even more adorable."

Gail pouts again in reply, and only relents into a smile when Holly tugs her closer to her by pulling at the front of her jersey and presses a kiss to the tip of Gail's nose as her fingers trickle down Gail's side playfully tickling her.

"Alright, alright," Gail laughs, grasping at Holly's hands and putting a stop to her attack. "Now, go play with the other sporty nerds so we can hurry up and get breakfast. You owe me pancakes with maple syrup for this, Hol."

"Whatever you say, Casper," Holly jests, flashing her a toothy grin and a wink before heading over to greet her team.

Gail moves to join the other players friends and family as they settle in on the stands to watch, and after a fifteen minute warm-up, the game finally commences, and Gail can't resist ' _woop woop_ -ing' in her best supportive sports cheer and fist pumping as Holly glances her way, her heart flopping in her chest when Holly smiles brightly and laughs at her.

She's still not entirely grasped the rules to softball, even after Holly's repeated attempts to explain them as simply to her as possible, but wearing Holly's old jersey and watching Holly hitting the ball with ease and running around gracefully, Gail can't help but get carried away with the rest of the crowd's momentum. She claps loudly along with the other husbands and wives whenever the team does well, and stands up, whistling supportively and clapping her hands loudly whenever Holly scores, completely beaming with pride whenever her wife looks up at her with a joyous smile.

As the game draws to a close, she gets so carried away in celebrating Holly's team triumph, that when Holly looks up at her after scoring the winning point, her eyes seeking Gail's out for approval and her face lighting up with the most beautiful smile as Gail cheers louder than anybody else, Gail can't help but feel the deep adoration she feels for Holly crashing over her overwhelmingly, and lifts her hand, instinctively, to sign ' _I love you_ ' down at her.

It's only as she sees Holly's brows furrow in confusion at the unexpected gesture, her head tilting to the side questioningly that Gail realises what she's done. Luckily, she's saved from her panic of having to explain herself by Holly's team-mates running over to throw their arms around her in celebration, stealing Holly's attention away from her briefly.

Gail releases a deep breath, glad that she's gotten away with her slip-up, and feels relief washing over her, stopping only when she catches the eye of one of the other wives who smiles approvingly at her and tells her she's 'very sweet'. It makes Gail's chest tighten with worry at being caught out, and she just hopes the wives aren't as gossipy as McNally and Price because if they are Holly may end up knowing the truth of her feelings for her before the day is over, and she's not sure she and Holly are quite ready for that yet despite all the progress they seem to be making.

When she finally makes it down from the stands, Holly has managed to draw herself away from her team-mates and jogs over to her excitedly, a bright smile still curling at her lips.

"It wasn't so bad being a sports fan, right?" Holly asks her, her voice hopeful. "Think you may want to come and watch me in all my athletic glory again sometime?"

Gail nods and smiles reassuring back at her. "You were amazing, Lunchbox," she replies softly. "Who knew you were so competitive though, that other team didn't stand a chance with you moving around the pitch like lightening."

" _Lightening Stewart_ was actually my nickname in school," Holly laughs making Gail smile harder at her dorky best friend, and then, lowering her voice into a murmur, asks, "What did you sign at me?"

The question makes Gail's breath lodge in her throat, the words desperately trying to crawl up from her chest and push past Gail's lips to set themselves free, except it still doesn't feel right, to just blurt it out, to take Holly by surprise like this with the weight of her evolving feelings, especially not when they're surrounded by other people.

"It just meant 'victor'," Gail stutters out breathlessly, the lie making her lungs burn and her heart pinch painfully, and forcing her to add a small smile in with her answer just so Holly doesn't catch on to how utterly unconvincing her answer is. "You were the MVP of the match, Hol."

She sees the way Holly's eyes flash with slight confusion and disbelief, but before she can question Gail further, Holly's team-mates approach them, offering them both a bottle of beer and toasting them in celebration.

"'Your girl's right to cheer you on so heartedly, Dr. Stewart, you really were the MVP," the wife who caught her signing at Holly chips in, saving Gail by distinguishing the lingering doubt in Holly's eyes and replacing them with an affectionate warmth as the rest of the team echo the sentiment. "You're lucky to have such a supporter."

Even though Gail feels her heart beating happily and knows she's blushing slightly at the notion of being known among them simply as 'Holly's girl', a part of her thinks she should probably correct them as to who she really is before the rumour spreads too far.

But before she can, Holly simply steps closer to her and slides her arm around her shoulders, drawing Gail closer into her side and leans in press a kiss to Gail's temple, smiling softly at her as Gail turns her head to meet her warm, loving dark eyes, and murmurs fondly, "I know, I'm the luckiest woman alive."

The sincerity of Holly's words makes Gail's head spin, her heart pounding so rapidly in her chest that it leaves Gail breathless in such a way that she knows she's just fallen for her best friend all over again. As Holly keeps her arm around her why they share a drink with her team, not objecting in the slightest to Gail being known as _hers_ , and holding her impossibly close as she smiles over at Gail every few seconds with so much affection that Gail thinks she may burst from it, she wonders – more hopefully than she has ever before – if this is a sign that Holly may be coming to terms with where her feelings truly lie for her.

* * *

While Gail knows she can often be quick to anger, spewing bitchy snark-laced insults and even getting into a few screaming matches over the years – with her parents who were reluctant to let her go travelling after graduating high school, thinking she should keep her mind focused on Peckspectations instead, and with Nick who constantly let her down and reminded her that he barely knew her when he _should_ have been the person to know her best – Gail can count on a single hand the number of times she's heard Holly raise her voice in _true_ anger over the five years that they've been friends.

The first time Gail witnessed her usually calm, cool and collected best friend burst into a ball of flaming rage was the first time Holly had introduced her to Lisa and Rachel. She'd warned Gail on the walk to The Penny that Lisa could be an elitist snob at times, but Gail had simply brushed the comment aside without a second thought, and so when she did overhear Lisa's real opinions about her later that night, the words had caught her a little off-guard and stung enough to make her eyes prickle with humiliated tears. But before she could swallow them down and lash out defensively, Holly had erupted into a cutting tone that left Lisa reeling and apologising as she told her where to stick her outdated and unwanted opinions, Holly's dark, fierce eyes piercing warningly at her oldest friend as she settled her palm soothingly at Gail's back and led her safely away.

The second time had been when a serial killer had targeted the city, overloading Holly's department with work. It hadn't helped that Rodney had been off sick, leaving Holly to handle the workload alone except for the 'help' of a particularly useless lab assistant who had dropped an important collection of blood samples all over the morgue floor before Holly had even had the chance to run them. Gail vividly remembers the clashing sound of glass hitting the floor and shattering everywhere, and the way Holly had swiftly turned towards the sound like hunter alerted to its prey, her eyes narrowed dangerously and her mouth set into a furious scowl before she exploded into a reprimanding tirade that left the careless lab assistant running from the room crying and Gail shocked still, blinking at Holly and the mess with startled wide-eyes.

But the time Gail remembers Holly's true anger flaring up the clearest, is when she got to experience the weighted fury of it first-hand. She had turned down every opportunity offered to her to go undercover in the years since the whole nightmare mishap of Perrick, at least that was until Detective Rosatti had turned back up at fifteen division with a case and an offer Gail just couldn't refuse. She had an operation to shut down a sex-trafficking ring that was abducting vulnerable, foreign, young, blonde, teenage girls travelling by themselves. It was a chilling thought, to have such a heinous crime taking place in Toronto, and so when Rosatti had come to her and asked to use her as bait to draw the ringleaders out, Gail found she couldn't not say yes.

The only problem was that she'd had to leave straight away without leaving word of her going to anyone, but because it was only supposed to be a forty-eight hour case, Gail hadn't thought it would be such a big deal, Holly knew she worked crazy hours sometimes. But a few hours in, when they discovered that the ring was much larger than originally anticipated, Gail had learned that she'd be staying in hostels all across Canada for the better part of a month to draw the remaining leaders out. It was a month in which Gail hadn't been able to contact anyone, including her, more than likely worrying herself crazy, best friend, and keep her updated with what she was doing, and the regret at her up and going without so much as even leaving Holly a text slowly started to sink in.

The UC had been a success in the end, countless young girls saved thanks to her hard work and bravery, but when she'd finally been debriefed and turned up late that night at Holly's townhouse with a bunch of gas-station flowers and a sheepish, apologetic smile on her face, Holly had simply looked over with relief, her beautiful dark eyes filling with tears, and then wordlessly slammed the door in Gail's face.

She knew Holly was just overwhelmed at the unexpected sight of her, her nerves more than likely fried from all her freaking out and worry from the past thirty days, and so Gail had braced herself as she let herself in, expecting Holly to babble at her like she had time and time again after she'd been in dangerous situations on the job, only to have Holly take the flowers from her and hit her with them as she yelled, tearily, about not knowing where the hell Gail had been or if she was okay, and worrying herself sick that she'd been kidnapped again since nobody could give her any information no matter how much she asked.

Gail had never felt more awful then, at seeing the stricken look on Holly's face, for being so thoughtless about not ensuring Jo made sure Oliver or someone got word to Holly that she was okay but working undercover. So, she'd let Holly expel her rightful anger, knowing that she needed to get it out of her system, hitting Gail with the bouquet until the flowers were all but mush, and then, when the anger had finally left Holly, she'd wrapped her best friend in her arms and held her tightly, whispering comforting, reassuring apologises into her ear until she felt Holly relax into her, embracing her just as tightly.

As awful as the whole thing was, and as guilty as she'd felt, Gail had felt so blessed in that moment to have someone care that deeply about her, while her parents hadn't even come back from their trip early to see her when Perrick took her, there was Holly, going out of her mind with worry when she'd come out of the UC without a scratch. She'd made a promise to Holly then, always to keep her updated when something dangerous happened or when she was going to take off on an undercover operation, and that had been the moment when she had decided to change her emergency contact information from her parents to Holly. It was her way of extending to Holly the sincerity of her apology, ensuring that way that Holly would be entitled to be in the know a little more.

While Holly's raised her voice slightly in minor anger since then, Gail can't recall the last time Holly was well and truly really angry. It's why the sound of Holly's voice, loud and cutting and echoing out furiously from the lab startles Gail so much as she pauses in the door-jamb of Holly's office, clutching a bag of food that she'd intended to drop by with to surprise Holly with, and watching as Holly paces agitatedly around her office with her back to her.

"When are you two going to stop hating each other, Mom?" Holly hisses tiredly and pinching at the bridge of her nose, her fingers turning white as they curl even tighter against the phone pressed to her ear. "You know what... don't come then, you're both _ridiculous_. It's supposed to be a celebration of _my_ hard work," she emphasises sadly, her voice quivering with disappointment. "I'm your _daughter,_ you're supposed to be proud that _my_ research is being published and put aside _your_ crap for a few hours to congratulate _me_ , not make it about you and dad again. No, you know what, just forget it, since neither of you can get over yourselves enough to actually be happy for me, I'm uninviting you both."

Gail watches as Holly jabs at the phone violently, abruptly ending the call before turning to throw it down carelessly on her desk, her eyes shining wetly as they brim with frustrated tears and her face etching over with overwhelming hurt.

The word of Holly's research finally getting the official go ahead to be published is news to her, and while it stings a little to know that Holly didn't tell her about it first, she can't help but feel her heart pinch sorrowfully for her best friend, knowing how much her parents animosity emotionally wounds her, always the ever present thorn prickling unrelentingly in Holly's side.

She knows the story of Holly's parents well, how they'd gotten married young and on a whim after only dating for a couple of months, their friends encouraging the reckless decision by saying that they were perfect for each other. Only, as it turns out, they weren't perfect for each other at all. What had seemed like a good match as teenagers turned out not to be a good match as they matured into adults, their interests going in different directions and tearing their once young and naive love apart as they grew more and more unable to stand each other.

In the end, they'd only stayed together because they discovered they were expecting an unplanned, accident baby. They'd foolishly thought staying together would be the best thing for their daughter. Only growing up as a child in a two-parent family with parents who could barely tolerate each other and argued constantly had left Holly more emotionally scarred than they could ever image. Their inevitable divorce had been a blessing for an eleven-year old Holly, and yet it had also been a curse, one which has tainted Holly's ability to trust easily and made her fiercely guard her heart.

Her mother and father have never been able to get over their self-inflicted bitterness to be there for Holly _together_ when she's needed them both, forcing her to always have to deal with them separately, and never truly allowing her to enjoy and celebrate her own achievements with her family like she so desperately yearns for.

From what she's just witnessed, Gail knows that today is just another heart-wrenching reminder of that for Holly, and she loathes that her best friend will be in unbearable pain because of it.

"Hey," Gail says softly, alerting Holly to her presence and coming further into her office. She sets the bag of food down on Holly's desk as Holly turns to her with tear-stained cheeks, and holds open her arms as she closes the remaining distance between them, letting Holly wordlessly know she heard the whole exchange, and wrapping Holly safely in her loving arms as Holly falls willingly into her embrace, grasping at Gail tightly as she cries quietly into her shoulder. "Don't let them ruin it for you, Hol," she whispers, pressing a kiss to Holly's head and soothing her palms comfortingly up and down Holly's back as her sobs turn into sniffles. "You've been working so hard, and you have every right to want to celebrate that."

"I just wanted them to be proud of me, you know?" Holly hiccups with a sniffle, drawing back to meet Gail's gaze and reaching up to wipe at her eyes. "I know it's probably stupid of me to still hope they can move past all their shit, but when I got the call saying my research would be published in this year's forensic pathologist collection journal, I wanted them to be the first to know. I wanted to invite them to have dinner with me tonight and celebrate _with_ me, but of course they both refused to be in the same fucking room, even for me."

Gail frowns sadly back at her, feeling Holly's hurt radiating out excruciatingly around the room. "I know it's not the same, but _I'm_ proud of you, Hol, extremely proud," she murmurs lovingly, reaching up to thumb away a fresh tear escaping from Holly's eye, "and I'd be absolutely honoured to celebrate your success with you."

"Thank you, that means more to me than you know," Holly whispers, nuzzling into Gail's palm and reaching up to cover Gail's hand with her own, holding her touch in place for a second before drawing Gail's hand around to her mouth to press her lips to Gail's palm in a soft, appreciative kiss. The simple gesture stealing the breath from Gail's lungs and making her gasp slightly as her heart flutters wildly in her chest. "I should have called you first," Holly exhales guiltily. "I'm sorry I didn't, honey."

Gail shakes her head reassuringly. "Don't be silly, I get why you wanted your parents to be the first to hear about it, Hol, even if they're unsupportive idiots. I'm getting the news about it from you in person now, and that's way better," she says with a smile and watching as Holly attempts to give her one in return. "Do you want me to see if I can have Dov and Chris give them a bunch of speeding tickets as revenge? Or maybe I can get Steve to plant some guns on them, have them spend a few nights in a cell to think about their stupid life choices and how they're missing out on their wonderful daughter." Holly's lips briefly curl up a little more at Gail's playful suggestion but she shakes her head in refute, her eyes still tinged with deep-rooted sadness. "Let me take you out for a proper celebratory lunch, Lunchbox, we can toast your incredible achievement together, and as a bonus it'll be a big fuck you to your asshole parents."

Holly's mouth twists into a small smile at the suggestion, but she shakes her head, declining the offer. "Thanks, maybe another time, I don't really feel like celebrating right now," she replies dolefully, her voice still laced with hurt and her eyes glimmering dejectedly. "I think I'm actually just going to head home early," she adds, slipping out of her lab-coat and gathering up her belongings.

"Do you want some company?" Gail asks tentatively, already knowing the answer will be no, and hating how useless she feels as she watches Holly morosely withdraw more and more into herself, knowing fully well that there's no way to stop the effect Holly's parents have had on her, but wanting desperately to try anyway.

Holly flicks her eyes momentarily back to Gail's and shakes her head apologetically. "I kinda just want to be alone," she murmurs wistfully, slinging her bag over her shoulder and flashing Gail a sad smile before she hurries out of the her office, leaving Gail's heart pinching sorrowfully as she watches Holly retreat, her shoulders drooping despondently with every step she takes.

She's only ever witnessed her best friend this crestfallen once before, and it was once again the result of Holly's parents and their selfish inability to be civil for Holly's sake. They'd only been friends for around a year when Holly had discovered that she'd been awarded a commendation for her outstanding work on a particularly gruelling murder case Luke had had her working on, her findings being crucial in bringing the guy down. Yet, when she had invited her parents to attend the ceremony, she'd been crushed to find that they'd both refused to come unless the other didn't. Unwilling to pick a side, Holly had told them to work it out between themselves, hoping that they would let their differences go for one night for her sake, and then had ended up utterly devastated when neither of them had showed up to support her.

Gail hadn't realised the true extent of Holly's hurt and disappointment at the time, until the forensic pathologist hadn't showed up for work the following day, calling herself in sick – when she _never_ took a day off even when she actually _was_ sick – and turning her phone off so nobody could contact her. She'd stayed holed up in her house, alone, hidden under her bed covers for nearly a three days before Gail realised just how seriously messed up Holly truly was over the whole situation and took proper action.

It's the closest to depression Gail's ever seen her best friend, and the most worried she's ever been, nothing she tried seeming to be able to break Holly out of her dark, black mood. In the end, at a complete loss with what to do, she'd simply kicked off her shoes and crawled into bed with Holly, pulled the older woman into her arms, and held her impossibly close, whispering words of comfort into her skin until Holly had finally let herself go and broken down into gut-wrenching sobs, allowing Gail to anchor her safely in her loving embrace.

She knows Holly's parents and their nightmare divorce are the reason why Holly is so prickly about the sanctity of marriage and why their reckless drunken eloping weighs heavy on Holly's heart and mind. Gail just hopes that now, just because Holly's research article is all done and dusted with, and her parents being the utter selfish idiots they are, that her best friend won't freak-out again and make any rash and hasty decisions about them and their marriage.

At least not while she's so upset, and while Gail happily waits patiently for Holly to keep working through her complicated feelings for her; feelings that Gail is growing more and more assured Holly does actually have for her, and that with every passing day, seem to be slowly becoming clearer and clearer to Holly now too.

It feels like they've come too far to lose their chance now, and Gail's more determined than ever not to let this hiccup spoil what could turn out to be the best possible thing to ever happen to them. She just has to stop the overshadowing, sad, dark mood Holly's being drawn into from ruining the progress they're making and allowing her to see the beautiful potential of what they could be together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** I lied when I posted the last chapter, there's going to be 9 chapters in total; one more to go after this and then the epilogue.

In the days following the aftermath of Holly's parents epic let-down, Gail makes sure to be there for Holly in all the ways she can possibly think she may need her, and when Holly hides away in her bed and refuses to go in to work again, Gail simply calls them both in sick and crawls under the covers with her.

She wraps Holly in her arms silently, not forcing her to talk about it or pestering her to get over her hurt feelings and feel better, because Gail knows that's impossible, the heart needs time to heal just as much as any physical wound, and so she simply lets Holly rightfully wallow for a little while.

Gail knows what Holly needs from her right now is her unwavering presence and love, and so she makes sure to be attentive without being crowding, and comforting without being overbearing, and lets Holly feel all that she's feeling.

On the third day, as the sun rises and creeps in through the blinds, Holly throws the covers back and wordlessly heads into the bathroom, and when Gail hears the sound of water running, she knows Holly's ready to try and pull herself together. She's taking her first tentative step in moving past her disappointment now that she's recharged and found the strength she needs to tape up the cracks her parents have caused in her fragile heart, making herself as whole as possible to face the world again.

She doesn't vocalise her gratitude to Gail for staying by her side these last few days, but when Gail pours coffee into their travel mugs and hands one over to Holly with a smile and says, "ready only when you are, Lunchbox", Holly simply steps into Gail's body and wraps her up in a bone-crushing hug that lasts for an age, and when Holly brushes a tender kiss to her cheek and pulls back to gratefully accept her coffee with a sincere smile that melts Gail's heart, she feels Holly's appreciation washing over in her waves.

Gail knows what it's like to be disappointed in your parents, having taken her fair share of hurtful blows from her own over the years, and so she's more than aware that it takes a little time to get back to finding your balance sometimes. Holly's parents devastating let-down probably feels a lot to Holly like she's been shoved harshly and carelessly down to the ground without a second thought, and as painful as that is, Gail also knows that Holly's not one to be defeated for long, that she's now attempting to dust off her knees and get back up to her feet again. It's not surprising that she's still a little bruised and that her legs are still a little wobbly, and Gail knows that even though Holly's trying her hardest to persevere, it will take a few days for her really get back to being her rightful herself.

While Holly's attempting her very best to do that, Gail intends to be there for her as a guiding and supportive hand, burdening the weight Holly can't carry alone quite yet, and hoping that by doing so, she can prove to Holly that not every relationship – every _marriage_ – is destined to have an inevitable, devastatingly messy and bitter end with aftershocks that never seem to stop causing pain.

* * *

On Sunday, instead of hosting the usual monthly Peck family dinner, her mother calls her to invite her and Holly out for lunch at a little Italian bistro on Elm Street, stating that it will be nice to sit out in the sun and have somebody else cook for them for a change.

Her father and Steve have gone to a hockey game, so it will be an all girl affair, and although Gail knows Holly gets on remarkably well with Elaine, in spite of the fact her mother can be tremendously overbearing, Holly declines the invite stating that she has some work to catch up on.

Gail knows it's just an excuse though, that the hint of sadness she sees flashing beneath the surface of Holly's eyes when she mentions her mother's invitation hits too close to the mark about how unavailable her own parents are for her. It must seem terribly unfair to Holly, Gail thinks, that even the Pecks, who bicker constantly about everything, are able to put aside their differences and get together once a month for dinner, no matter what's going on, when her own family can't put their issues aside for a few hours and attend something that's so important and significant to Holly.

Instead of pressing Holly to go, Gail just tells her it's an open offer if she changes her mind, and calls her mother back to confirm the table for three, just in case, not wanting Holly to feel excluded from the Pecks as well as the Stewarts.

Holly doesn't change her mind though, and when Gail arrives at the bistro alone, her mother gets up to greet her with a perplexed expression rippling across her face, her eyebrows knitting together questioningly as she leans in to press a chaste kiss to Gail's cheek.

"Where's Holly?" Elaine asks as she looks past Gail in search of her. "Is she running late?"

Gail shakes her head and gestures at their table, indicating for her mother to take her seat. "She's not coming, Mom."

"Oh, why ever not?" Elaine questions as she reluctantly sits down, frowning at the news. "I wanted this lunch to be in celebration of her article. I even stopped by the florist to get her these; lily's are her favourite, right?"

"They're beautiful, Mom," she replies nodding, looking over the gorgeous, expensive bouquet of flowers sitting in a glass vase next to Elaine on the table, wrapped up in a big gold ribbon. "She'll love them, and I promise I'll make sure to pass along your congratulations later. Holly just wasn't feeling up to coming to lunch, she has some..." Gail tails off then, struggling to find the words to explain without over-sharing something that she knows is private to Holly, "...personal stuff going on with her parents."

Elaine studies her quietly for a moment, searching Gail's eyes out for answers, and after a beat, Gail sees the way her mother's gaze shifts to one that's alarmingly knowing. "Those parents of hers don't know what they're missing," Elaine scoffs, her mouth pinching tightly into a frown. "Holly's article was fantastic, they should be damn proud of their daughter's achievements instead of being so selfish and punishing her for _their_ idiotic mistakes."

"You read her article?" Gail breathes in surprise, not knowing her mother to have a keen interest in forensics at all, and then, blinking in realisation at what her mother's statement implies, adds, "You looked into her background and parents the moment I became friends with her, didn't you?"

"Of course I did, sweetheart. It's not like you to make new friends, and after the questionable men that have been part of your life, I wanted to make sure Holly would be a good influence for you, and she has," Elaine retorts unapologetically, a hint of a smirk playing across her lips, "and to answer your disbelieving question, yes I've read her article, it truly was well deserving of its publication. I don't know why my interest is surprising to you though, you know I like to keep tabs on my family."

Hearing her mother so easily and so earnestly refer to Holly as family steals the breath from her lungs and makes her heart clench with so much longing for it to actually be true, that Gail feels an overwhelming urge to tell her mother the real depth of her feelings for Holly.

It might be a little foolish when nothing with Holly is certain quite yet, and even more risky given how focused and driven her mother is about finding her a man she deems appropriate to join the Peck legacy, and yet, although she's never had the best relationship with her parents, at least her mother and father take the time to watch over her and Steve – and now Holly too – even if it is in their own, overbearing, little way. It's still far more than what Holly has with hers.

While Holly's parents have constantly let her down, Gail's have constantly overloaded her with pressure and expectations that she can never quite seem to live up to, and as a result, Gail's well aware, that it's left both of them with tender, fragile hearts, and cautiously living their own lives in fear of getting beaten down further.

Gail knows Holly's terrified of mimicking her parents' mistakes, and that fighting against that freaks Holly out so much that the exhaustion of it forces her to run away and withdraw from whatever she's feeling sometimes. It's something Gail knows a little something about too, her failed attempts at love with every man she's ever met scarring her, and her parents gruelling Peck standards making her guard her sensitive heart all the more fiercely with bite and bluster and aloofness, never letting anybody get too close to her.

It's the issues that have been instilled into them, Gail thinks, that is helping to keep them skirting around each other and talking about the real repercussions of what they did in Vegas.

In this moment, she feels completely and utterly exhausted from it all, and keeping something as meaningful as her feelings for Holly hidden away, is starting to hurt far more than anything else ever has. Especially now that her mother's words have set the truth of her feelings bursting free from her rapidly swelling heart and rushing to sit on the tip of her tongue, desperately beseeching Gail to speak them aloud and make them free and known.

As her mother begins to absently browse the wine list, completely oblivious to the inner-turmoil her comment has had, Gail releases a shaky exhale as her stomach twists nervously, and before she can over-think it and talk herself out of it, she finds herself tentatively murmuring, "Mom, I- I have something I need to talk to you about."

"Is this about you not having a second date with Henry?" Elaine cuts in pryingly, "because I must say I'm very disappointed, Gail. He's such a fine young man and you'd make a rather elite couple."

The sudden shift to Henry catches Gail off-guard, making her stumble a little, her intention momentarily side-tracked as she rolls her eyes and defensively retorts, "You only like Henry now because he's successful. What about when I dated him in high school and you thought he'd squander his family name, you weren't his number one fan then, were you?"

"That's a given, I think," Elaine fires back, her lips curling into a smile. "I always thought you were a bad influence together, that you'd both forsake your family legacy's on some silly, rebellious whim, but I was wrong. He's done the Cooper's proud, and you're making your father and I proud as you make a name for yourself on the force. You even handled that messy Armando case well, even though I overreacted about the whole invalid arrest situation when it was that moron _Swarek_ at fault and not you. Something which I actually owe you an apology for by the way; so, I'm sorry, sweetheart," she adds sincerely, her eyes softening as she nods her head submissively at Gail.

Gail's not sure if it's the fact that her mother is actually apologising to her or her confession that she's proud of her that stuns her into choking on the sip of water she's just taken, but before she can fully process what's happened, her lungs are burning and her chest is heaving with a wheezing cough.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Gail," Elaine reprimands, reaching over to pat her back, and helping her to catch her breath again. "Whatever has gotten into you? You're acting very strange today."

"Sorry," Gail chokes out, lifting her hand to rub at her chest and letting her gaze find her mother's, her mouth curling into a disbelieving smile. "It's just... that's the first time you've _ever_ said you're proud of me," she confesses in a whisper.

"Is it?" Elaine queries, looking both startled and unsettled by the news, and making Gail nod wordlessly in response, still overwhelmed by absorbing the fact for herself. "That's- I- well then. I guess all I can say is that I'm sorry again, deeply. I know your father and I have always been hard on you, Gail, but it's only because we believe that you have the utmost potential."

"Yeah right," Gail snorts cynically on reflex. "Steve's your golden boy."

"Steven wasn't academic like you, Gail, so your father and I had to shape him to be a police officer from a young age, to see him make it as a detective is a bonus. But you..." Elaine says, her voice softening in a way Gail's never heard before, "your father and I both knew _you_ had the brains and the determination to go further than either of us could. But we also knew that law enforcement is still a dog-eat-dog political shitstorm the higher you go, and we wanted you to be prepared for that when the time comes. You're such a sensitive soul, we didn't want it to destroy you."

"You were hard on me because you wanted me to _succeed_ , not because you thought I'd be a failure," Gail drawls in realisation, watching Elaine nod, her eyes glimmering so earnestly that Gail can't help but feel confused, every moment of disappointment her parents have made her feel over the years rushing back over her and making her heart ache. "Then why have you and dad always made me feel like I'm not a good enough to be a Peck?"

"That's how we've made you feel? Well then, we've failed as parents," Elaine replies glumly, her shoulders stumping slightly beneath the weight of Gail's honesty. "I knew we were never going to be great at it, I'm not particularly maternal and your father grew up with Grandpa Peck at the helm – the cruel old bastard – but Gail, we've always wanted you to be successful and happy more than anything, and we do love you, very much. I don't want you to see us the way Holly sees her parents, as some... un-proud, unsupportive let downs."

It's the most sincere her mother's ever been with her, laying all of her flaws out bare for Gail to see, and apologising for her faults, and it makes Gail feel like maybe it is possible for old wounds to heal. If the universe can help her work things out with her parents, maybe it's possible for karma to also help Holly reconcile with her own in some way, and open her eyes to a more hopeful outlook on trust and love.

"Maybe we could both try a little more," Gail offers with a small smile, knowing that as hard as her mother is to connect with, that she doesn't make it easy for her mother to know her either, having learned from a young age to close off and remain as distant as possible. "Neither of us are the best at communicating."

"That sounds like a wonderful plan, sweetheart," Elaine remarks with a genuine smile, and reaches over to lovingly cover Gail's hand with her own, squeezing briefly before letting go again. "Now, what was it you want to tell me?"

Gail swallows thickly, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips as her heart begins to hammer anxiously. "I won't be going on another date with Henry," Gail breathes nervously, her voice stuttering a little over the words, "and I don't want you to keep setting me up with bachelors you deem eligible."

"Okay," Elaine says slowly, her brow furrowing slightly in confusion. "Is this your way of telling me that you've met somebody?"

"Kind of," Gail murmurs quietly, holding her mother's gaze, and shrugging helplessly as she feels her eyes prickle with fearful tears even as a contradictory rush of relief overwhelms her as she breathily admits, "I'm in love with Holly."

Gail feels the oxygen rush out of her chest, her lungs constricting apprehensively as she braces herself for her mother's reaction, her fingers curling around the cheap, gold-plastic ring in her pocket and clutching it like a lifeline. She expects her mother's eyes to flash with surprise and her mouth to set into a thin line of disappointment, always having had such grand plans to marry Gail off to a suitable husband so that she could replicate the Peck legacy in her own right; successful career, big house, children of her own to boss around.

Instead, she's shocked to see her mother's eyes softening instantly at the confession, and an understanding smile lighting up her face.

"Oh honey, don't look so terrified, that's wonderful news," Elaine consoles, shifting her chair closer to Gail's to wrap her arm around her shoulders and hugging Gail into her side.

"Is it?" Gail exhales in bewilderment. "You're not disappointed and upset that I've crushed your dreams for me then?"

"Sweetheart, it's not the 1940s, you know. My dreams for you involves you being successful and happy with a _family_ of your own, not necessarily a husband. I was only setting you up with men because they're all you've ever dated, and to be frank, you're quite awful at choosing them for yourself; those idiots Craig and Nick, for example," Elaine quips with a teasing but soothing smile. "Your father and I absolutely _adore_ Holly. You know I've wanted to adopt her into the Pecks since the moment you introduced us to her, and that I was gutted when I figured out she was a lesbian and couldn't keep trying to set her up with Steve," she chortles, making Gail remember all of the times her mother would annoyingly encourage Holly to sit with Steve at the Peck dinners, and the way Holly and her brother interacted awkwardly as her mother watched on with misguided, hopeful glee. "If she's the one who makes you happy, Gail, then we'll support your relationship full-heartedly."

"We're not together," Gail professes tearily, her mother's passionate approval crumbling the walls she's built around her heart to hide away her feelings and making waves of her emotions surge overwhelming through every inch of her being. "I mean, I want us to be and we're kinda in a weird limbo, but we're not..."

"That woman adores you, Gail," Elaine comforts, seeing her daughter struggling with the niggling, plaguing doubts that come with unexpected love. "You two have been inseparable since you became friends, and to be honest, I feel a little blind for not seeing it sooner. You'd be perfect together, just the right fit."

"Yeah, you think?" Gail questions in a small, desperately hopeful voice.

"I do," Elaine nods. "You balance each other out, she keeps you sane and you keep her grounded," she teases with a smile. "Holly's a smart lady, she'll work it out eventually, Gail, but it is a big thing, realising that you're falling in love with a friend, especially if you thought your feelings for them were set in stone, so maybe she needs a little guidance to point her in the right direction."

"That's what Henry said when he figured it out," Gail responds in amusement as she reaches up to thumb away the last of her tears escaping down her face.

It's her mother who rolls her eyes this time. "Of course you two were toying with me when you agreed to go on a date," Elaine exclaims in realisation. "I should have known something was up, you agreed far too quickly to the go out with Henry, and Holly sulked for the rest of the party in an unexplainable mood that baffled me completely."

Gail breaks into a toothy grin at the affirmation of Holly's jealousy, glad to know she really was feeling put out about the idea of her going on a date with Henry, and then jests, "Sorry Mom, but you know how rebellious Henry and I are, we still don't like doing what we're told."

"At least I know I can count on Holly to keep you in line, she's always had you wrapped around her little finger," Elaine retorts, smirking when Gail glares back at her slightly, her bottom lip pouting out petulantly because she knows it's true. "So, are you planning on telling her that you're in love with her any time soon? Or will you be pining from afar until Holly pieces it together for herself?"

"I want to tell her, I just... I want to be sure she really _is_ feeling _that_ way about me before I risk our friendship, Mom. There's no take-back's once I say it," Gail replies seriously, knowing exactly how heavy that risk is; her relationships with Chris and Dov and Nick all having taken a turn for the worse when romantic feelings got in the way and messed things up, and although they're all okay now, it took awhile to get their friendships back on track. "I'm letting her work it out and patiently encouraging her along."

Elaine smiles softly, understanding her plight, and says, "Well, since that's your strategy, my advice to you to woo Holly into wanting to date you-"

"Ew, don't say woo," Gail interrupts with a shudder. "We're adult women in our thirties, I'm trying not trying to _woo_ Holly into dating me. I'm trying to make her see that what I feel is real, that I'm completely serious about her and that I'm ready to commit to her for as long as she'll have me. If she'll have me at all, that is."

Elaine blinks back at her quietly for a long moment. "You really are quite serious about her, then."

"Of course I am, I've never felt this way before, Mom," Gail admits shyly, feeling her cheeks blushing hotly. "She's the only person I've ever looked at and envisioned spending the rest of my life with. I just need to be sure she sees that when she looks at me too before I tell her I love her and alter things forever."

"Well then, sweetheart, my advise to you, if you're patient enough, is to just keep being yourself," Elaine encourages kindly. "Be sweet and kind and charming in that snark filled way of yours, and keep being there for her when she needs you, and I guarantee Holly won't be able to deny her feelings for you for much longer. But, if you're impatient like I was when I was after your father, you'll want a quicker solution," she says with a mischievous smirk. "If that's the case, go out with Henry again, and I promise you Holly's jealousy will consume her so unbearably that she'll either end up exploding and loudly declaring her feelings or grabbing you and kissing you senseless, either way things will work out."

"You totally cornered dad into proposing to you by flirting with another man, didn't you?" Gail inquires knowingly, and letting out an amused breath and rolling her eyes when her mother simply winks back at her. "Thanks for the sound advice, Mom, but I think I'd rather wait for Holly to accept her feelings and be comfortable with the idea of us before I convince her to spend her life with me."

"Have it your way," Elaine replies with a smile. "But since you're trying to encourage her along, at least woo her a little, a woman as exquisite as Holly deserves to be treated to some luxuries. Take her on a few non-date dates, romance her with compliments and tokens of appreciation, sometimes it's the smallest and simplest gestures that are the ones to unlock the heart."

As her mother turns away from her to quickly grab the passing waiter's attention, ordering them a bottle of wine and some pasta, Gail can't help but think over her mother's suggestion, and conclude that maybe she has a point. Maybe she does need to up her game a little and woo Holly a little if she wants to help hurry along the process of opening Holly's eyes to the real possibility of them.

* * *

Even though Holly's back at work and slowly getting back to being more herself in the days that follow, Gail still catches glimpses of deep-rooted sadness flashing in Holly's eyes whenever somebody congratulates her, Holly always bashfully and reluctantly accepting their praise, brushing it off swiftly almost as if she feels guilty for something she worked so hard for.

It's makes Gail's heart ache to see something that Holly should be getting joy and confidence from instead causing her to be morose and dispirited, and so Gail sets her mind to formulating a plan to eliminate the gloomy shadow Holly's parents have cast over her article, and instead turn it back into something Holly can happily and proudly embrace.

With a little thought and planning, she comes up with a fairly simple, but hopefully effective idea, and with some help from Oliver to organise it, Gail manages to set up what she hopes will be the perfect surprise to lift Holly's spirits and put that adorable, lopsided smile back on her face that Gail loves so much.

The first step of her plan involves encouraging Holly to come out with her after work instead of rushing home to mope. It takes a little poking and prodding and charming Peck persuasion – that includes her pouting out her bottom lip and giving Holly her best sad puppy dog eyes that she knows Holly can never refuse – and promising that it's only for quick drink and that they can leave as soon as they're done.

"I'm only staying for one drink," Holly repeats grumpily for the tenth time as they make the walk from the station after their shifts to The Penny. "I don't get why we couldn't just open a bottle of something at home, going to The Penny is hardly unusual or exciting."

Gail ignores the grouchy complaint and simply says, "I just fancied having a drink in a different environment. We've been hanging out at yours every night these past couple of weeks, Hol, and not that I mind, but I really fancy playing a game of darts and eating bar snacks while I down some shots, okay?"

"Whatever," Holly huffs tetchily, scowling in a most un-Holly like way. "You can stay and play darts with the guys if you want, but after I've had a glass of wine I'm heading home, I'm tried and not in the mood to socialise."

Gail nods in response, and reaches for the door, holding it open for Holly who sullenly and reluctantly moves past her to head inside. Although convincing Holly to come was hard work, and having to bite her tongue and patiently listen to her best friend crabbily grumble about nearly everything all day so as not to give her plan away, the delighted surprise that washes over Holly and lights up her face as she falters to a sudden stop at seeing all their friends gathered together, surrounded by balloons and banners and merrily yelling their congratulations to Holly, makes it all worth it.

While the Stewarts might not want to celebrate their daughter's hard work and achievements with her, her friends from fifteen division most certainly do, and it makes a surge of warmth rush through Gail to see Holly breaking into a happy, teary smile as she's lovingly embraced by the likes of Traci, Andy, Chloe, Chris and Dov.

These are people who truly appreciate Holly's work on a daily basis, and even though they probably don't thank Holly enough, Gail knows that they wouldn't be able to do their jobs half as well without her, and so showering Holly with their support and gratitude, now more than ever, seems like the most fitting way to break through Holly's dark mood and show her that she's loved and appreciated for what she works so hard at, even if her parents don't get it.

"I can't believe you did this for me," Holly breathes, turning to seek out Gail's eyes, her voice coming out a little shaky as her eyes brim with overwhelmed tears.

Gail just shrugs aloofly, feeling a little coy as Holly's eyes penetrate deeply into her own, almost as if she's looking into the very truth of Gail's soul. "You earned it, Lunchbox," she replies softly, flashing Holly an earnest smile. "You always work so hard and you deserve to relish in your success. This is just a little something I wanted to do to remind you that you're not alone, that all of us here are so proud of you and want to celebrate with you."

Holly's eyes soften at her explanation, awe settling over her face, and with an adoring smile, she gently reaches out and cups Gail's face, loving stoking her thumb across her cheek before leaning in to press soft, appreciative kiss to the corner of Gail's mouth.

"Thank you," Holly murmurs gratefully, holding Gail's gaze for a long moment, the sincerity in her voice and the look of utter affection in her eyes enough to make Gail blush shyly in response.

"You're welcome," Gail murmurs back quietly, her heart hammering so fast and so loud as she lets herself get lost momentarily in Holly's eyes that it leaves her feeling breathless and a little lightheaded.

"A drink for the talented Dr. Stewart," Traci announces with a bright grin, breaking their moment by handing them both a drink and leaning in to kiss Holly's cheek. "Well done on the article, Doc."

"Yeah, a big congratulations! It's so awesome that you've actually published something hundreds of people will read, like it literally blows my mind" Chloe adds merrily, reaching for Holly's hand. "You've got to come and tell us all more about it," Chloe says excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet before hurriedly dragging Holly off towards everyone still waiting to congratulate her.

For the rest of the evening Gail watches the scene unfold happily, her heart swelling in her chest as she observes Holly talking passionately about her research and gleefully answering genuine questions of interest from their friends, their happiness for Holly radiating out and washing away the bitter disappointment and hurt left by Holly's parents.

"You did a good thing, darlin'," Oliver says with a kind smile, sitting himself down on the bar stool next to her where she's contentedly watching Holly excitedly explain something, her hands gesturing wildly as everybody's eyes flash with amazement. "It's nice to see her lighting up the room again with that big, gorgeous smile of hers."

Gail smiles softly in response, unable to take her eyes off her beautiful wife for even a single second as she toys with the cheap, gold-plastic ring in her jacket pocket. "Yeah, it is," she agrees, getting distracted momentarily as Holly bursts into a hearty laugh at something Chris has said, and looks over to catch Gail's eye.

"She's lucky to have you," Oliver adds with a kind, knowing grin as Holly waves her over with an adoring smile, extending her hand out for Gail to come and take. "Looks like she's starting to realise just how true and meaningful that is for her too. Maybe it's time you think about telling her how you feel, Peck," he suggests when Gail glances at him shyly. "Go be with your wife," he whispers, giving Gail an encouraging shove when she hesitates briefly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the depth of her feelings for Holly, and with how she seems to be falling more and more in love with her best friend with every second that passes.

It's probably not the type of wooing her mother had in mind, but as Holly threads their fingers together and loving strokes her thumb along Gail's own, refusing to let go of her and looking at her with so much affection every time their eyes meet for the rest of the evening, Gail knows that being surrounded by people who support her and are proud of her and who love her, means far more to Holly than any cliched romantic gesture she made ever could.

* * *

Holly hasn't stopped smiling since they left The Penny, tipsy from alcohol and high on the love and support of her friends, and Gail finds that seeing her best friend so happy and carefree again is completely infectious.

She also hasn't stopped thanking Gail for the little surprise party the whole cab journey home, and more heart fluttering than that, Holly still hasn't let go of her hand, almost as if she can't bare to break their connection quite yet.

Gail can feel Holly looking at her with such adoration out of the corner of her eye, that it makes her blush and bump their shoulders together. "You've thanked me enough, Hol," Gail says when Holly squeezes her hand and voices her gratitude once again, a look of disbelief still lingering in her beautiful eyes.

"Never," Holly counters with a soft smile. "You have no idea how much I needed that, or how much it really meant to me, Gail. I was in a low place and like always my amazing best friend swooped in and pulled me out of it in just the right way. So, just accept that I'm not going to stop thanking you for being awesome any time soon, Peck."

"Okay," Gail murmurs with a small smile, bashfully averting her gaze and bumping their shoulders together again, her heart swelling in chest, utterly brimming with love.

Once they've settled in at Holly's townhouse, both showered and changed into their pyjamas, and readying themselves for bed, Gail feels it's time to enact the final stage of her plan. Nervously, she waits for Holly to finish brushing her hair and climb into bed before digging around in her bag and coming to sit opposite Holly as she deposits a small, gift-wrapped box into her lap.

Holly's eyebrows knit together as she blinks down at the unexpected gift and then flicks her eyes up to meet Gail's questioningly. "What's this?" she asks, surprise rippling across her face.

"Just a little something to commemorate your article getting published," Gail replies with a small smile.

Holly's head tilts to the side as she stares back at Gail affectionately, her dark eyes shifting to a warm amber. "You didn't have to get me anything, you've already done more than enough for me, honey," Holly hums softly, sincerely.

"I know," Gail replies honestly and shrugs, "but I wanted to. You deserve to be reminded of your achievements, Hol."

Holly shakes her head in protest, gently fingering the ribbon wrapped around the box. "You still shouldn't have-"

"Just open it, Holly," Gail cuts her off with an encouraging smile.

Holly shakes her head again with a relenting grin, her fingers carefully and slowly untying the ribbon, and Gail feels herself anxiously holding her breath as she watches Holly gently open the box, a shaky gasp rushing from her lips as the gift is revealed to her.

Gail knows Holly's not one for jewellery, but the one piece that she always wears is a watch. For as long as Gail's known her, she's always worn a plain, silver watch given to her by her mentor, Dr. Alice Brooks, who had guided Holly through her residency in pathology and been responsible for her falling so in love with forensics.

Holly had been absolutely devastated, when just shortly before their trip to Vegas, she'd lost it while out in a swampy marsh examining a body. Gail had gone back to the scene to help an upset Holly look for it when she'd horrifyingly realised it was missing. But after they'd retraced all of Holly's steps in a desperate attempt to find it, they'd come up short, the watch truly lost amongst the boggy soil somewhere, never to be found again.

So, it had only seemed fitting when Gail had caught sight of a very similar silver watch in a store window while out on her lunch break one shift, and without a second thought, had gone in and bought it on the spot for her best friend, knowing she would love it.

The intention had originally been to keep it as a Christmas gift for Holly, but with what happened in Vegas happening to them and Gail's heart splitting open to reveal her true feelings for Holly to herself, it somehow seems more appropriate it to give it to Holly now, a kind of token to give Holly a small glimpse of the depth of Gail's love for her.

"Gail..." Holly breathes, her voice thick with emotion as she takes in the sight of her new watch. "It's beautiful," she whispers glancing up at Gail as she gently takes it out of the box to take a closer look at it.

"Yeah?" Gail inquires breathlessly, her heart pounding so nervously in her chest that she can feel it pulsating through every inch of her body.

"Yes, you adorable dummy," Holly retorts affectionately, her eyes glimmering incredulously as she carefully turns it over.

She watches apprehensively then, as Holly silently turns the watch over to discover the engraving Gail's daringly had inscribed into the back; ' _T_ _o Holly,_ _all my love_ _, your plus one forever and always, Gail x_ '. Holly doesn't say anything for a long moment, just inhales sharply and blinks down in wonderment at what's written, and Gail feels her anxious heart lodge in her throat, her pulse racing to life beneath her skin as she waits to see what Holly's reaction will be.

Holly's fingertip gently brushes over the engraving, tracing each letter with the utmost care as if she's letting Gail's message slowly absorb into her skin, and when she does finally look up to meet Gail's gaze, it's with adoring tears gleaming in her eyes. It's totally overwhelming, the way Holly's beautiful, warm amber eyes gaze back at her utterly awe-struck and overflowing with such palpable love, that it makes the oxygen rush from Gail's lungs and leaves her heart stuttering to a stop for a few seconds.

It's when Holly wordlessly and deliberately sets the watch down at her side and leans forward to press a soft, tender, lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth though, their foreheads naturally coming to rest together as they both release breathy exhales, that makes Gail feel that even with the absence of what she hasn't had the courage to say yet, it feels an awful lot like Holly may finally be on the same page as her.

And with her eyes still closed as she breathes Holly in and relishes in having her so close, Gail thinks that maybe Oliver is right, maybe it is time that she throws caution to the wind, ignores the last niggling doubts she has about all the remaining risks, and braves telling Holly how she really feels about her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **A/N:** I'm going to stop guessing how many chapters this story will be because it keeps taking twists and turns, and being longer than expected. So, ignore the idea that this will only be 9 chapters long, that's a lie, it's got a little more still to come.
> 
> Updates will probably be a little slower in the coming weeks and I'm bogged down with work, university assignments and packing up and moving, so I'd appreciate your patience. This story will be finished though, that I can promise you.

On the day of her thirty-fifth birthday, Gail wakes to the delicious smell of fresh brewed coffee and sizzling bacon invading her senses.

When her eyes flutter open, she's greeted with the wonderful sight of Holly perched on the edge of the bed, her hair messily clipped up, her glasses slightly askew and her lips curled up in that cute bend that makes Gail's stomach flip as she presents a tray complete with said coffee, bacon and birthday waffles.

"Happy Birthday, honey," Holly exclaims softly as she watches Gail's eyes adjust to the light, her mouth tugging into a sleepy but happy smile.

"Thank you," Gail replies with a slight yawn, her voice still hoarse from slumber as she reaches up to rub at her face, and then pushes herself to sit upright to gladly accept the tray.

It's kind of become a tradition between them over the course of their friendship, that on each other's birthdays they wake each other up with breakfast and gifts, before spending the whole day doing whatever the birthday girl wants, and topping the day off by going out somewhere in the evening to celebrate with a fancy birthday dinner.

"Hurry up and dig in before it gets cold," Holly instructs sweetly, picking up a fork and stealing a bite, and making a moan of approval that makes heat spontaneously erupt in Gail's chest.

Gail swallows down her burning desire and instead forces herself to focus her energy on doing what she's told, and hopes that she isn't blushing as hotly as she feels.

"You just want to get to the gift part," Gail teases, trying to keep herself in the moment, and takes her first bite, knowing just how super excited Holly gets about giving gifts, normally more so than when she's receiving them. "God, your waffles are the _best_ ," she hums in delight, her eyes falling shut as she savours the taste. "I swear you make them even yummier each year."

"My cooking skills get better with age, like a fine wine," Holly quips goofily, sipping at her coffee and watching in satisfaction as Gail enjoys her birthday breakfast, "and you're right, I do want to get to the gift part, so chew faster."

Gail chuckles in response, and makes a show of shovelling the last few bites into her mouth and chewing quickly, finishing her breakfast up by taking several sips of her coffee to wash it all down.

"There, all done, Commander Lunchbox," she says with mock salute, holding her mouth open as proof and making Holly affectionately roll her eyes.

"Okay you dork, close your eyes," Holly orders excitedly.

Gail smirks in amusement. "Really, Hol, what's the point? Every year you make me close my eyes for dramatic effect, and every year you've gift-wrapped the hell out of whatever you've gotten me that I can never tell what it is anyway."

Holly presses her finger to Gail's lips, silencing her. "Just close your eyes already, it's tradition," she repeats with a smile, making sure Gail does so and isn't peeping before removing the tray from her lap and replacing it with her gift.

Gail lets Holly guide her hands to it, and then with her eyes closed, feels it out with her fingers. It's rectangle in shape and fairly big, and Gail can feel the neat edges of Holly's wrapping with her fingertips. "Oh my god, did you get me a box of doughnuts? Best birthday ever," Gail mock gasps, making Holly playfully reach out and slap her leg.

Gail opens her eyes with a grin at the touch and takes her first real look at her gift. It is neatly wrapped to perfection in that way that only Holly, her mother, and paid professionals can do, and it's definitely the shape of a box, but as Gail lifts it and gives it a slight shake, she hears something moving inside.

"Any ideas, Detective?" Holly asks, her eyebrow quirked challengingly and her lips twisted up in an impish smirk.

Gail shakes it a little harder and then having absolutely no idea, pouts playfully and says, "It's a box with something inside, it could literally be _anything._ The not knowinghas nothing to do with my detective skills, you know."

"Aww, poor baby," Holly soothes teasingly, breaking into a bright grin when she adds, "You best open it and see then."

"I'm going to be gutted when it's not doughnuts, FYI," Gail jests as she gently fingers open the corner of the paper, tearing the rest of it away as carefully as she can, always one to appreciate the effort that's gone in to the wrapping, and then slowly lifts the lid off the box to reveal the gift inside.

The rest of her playful banter dies on the tip of her tongue as she stares down at the rare vinyl record inside. She's not one for material things, but ever since she was a teenager collecting vinyls has been one of her favourite things to do, the sound so much better and more authentic than those of CDs or MP3s. Her collection is quite vast and varied, and she's shared her favourites with Holly over the years, passionately explaining their context as they listen to the tracks together – Holly elatedly deeming her a secret music nerd – but there's a few on her most wanted list that she just hasn't been lucky enough to track down. The one staring up at her from the box is definitely one that Gail's been itching to get a hold of for years, and as she sees the even rarer sight of a signature scrawled across the bottom lefthand corner, she can do nothing but blink back at it in utter awe and surprise.

"It's one of the ones you've been after right? I mean I hope it is, I looked and looked, and well it seemed liked one you'd like," Holly babbles nervously after a moment of drawn out silence, in a way she never usually does when she gives gifts, normally super assured in her choice, and pulling Gail's gaze back to her as she fidgets with her glasses in a way Gail knows is born out of anxiousness.

"One of the ones I've been- Holly, this baby has been on my wanted list for as long as I can remember," Gail breathes out in disbelief, gingerly picking up the rare, 1972 Japanese 21-track vinyl record of Elvis Presley ' _As Recorded At Madison Square Garden_ ' and hoping to dispel Holly's nerves. "How on earth did you get this? I mean, it's even has _Elvis' signature_ on it Holly... this thing has got to be worth an absolute fortune!"

"Oh god, don't say that," Holly retorts with a sheepish smile. "I bought it off Rodney for like fifty dollars."

Gail's eyes widen in shock at the confession. " _Fifty dollars_?" she repeats in exasperation. "Holly this thing is every avid Elvis collector's dream," she says, breaking into a laugh as Holly grimaces with a helpless shrug. "I can't believe you fleeced, Rodney."

"I didn't _fleece_ him," Holly defends hopelessly. "His grandmother had just passed away and he was clearing out her attic when he found a bunch of records, and he knew I was looking for a record as a gift for you, and so he offered me first dibs at looking through her collection. He said I could take whatever I wanted before he gave the rest to charity, and he only took the fifty dollars because I made him feel bad for wanting to give it to me for free."

"Well, fleecing Rodney or not, this is by far the best birthday present I've ever gotten," Gail admits honestly, reaching over to kiss Holly's cheek appreciatively, and letting her lips linger on Holly's skin for a few seconds longer than she probably should. "Thank you so much, Lunchbox, it's amazing, I really love it."

"You're more than welcome," Holly murmurs, oddly bashful as she holds Gail's gaze, and Gail has to swallow down the overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss her again, properly this time, the memory of Holly's sweet, supple lips melding with her own clouding her thoughts and making blood rush loudly in her ears. "What do you want to do today then, birthday girl?" Holly asks with a small smile, breaking Gail out of her daydream. "Paintballing? Or maybe the batting cages?" she jokes with a wink. "Oh, or maybe something chill like the cinema or ice skating, or maybe even something Peck-ish like the gun range? Whatever you want, we do, remember."

"I actually kinda just want a quiet birthday in with you, doing nothing," Gail admits. They've both been working long hours lately so it feels like the best option to spend her only day off relaxing to the max. "I want us to snuggle up on the couch and have a movie marathon and eat snacks."

Holly chuckles at her answer and nods. "Okay, if that's what you want, that's what we'll do, we'll be lazy-bums together. The question is, are we having a _Star Wars_ marathon or..." she asks trailing off, dropping her voice in to a faux-whisper, "a _Disney_ marathon?"

" _Shhh_ , the walls have ears you know," Gail hushes. "Never speak of my secret love for animated movies."

"You're ridiculous," Holly whispers in amusement. "What movie should we watch first; _Blank_ Story perhaps? Or maybe Monster's _Blank_? Or maybe even Snow _Blank_ and the _Blank_ Dwarves?"

Gail rolls her eyes in response and pokes out her tongue. "No mocking me on my birthday," she pouts playfully, and then in a low voice, "Besides, I know _you_ know my favourite is _Mulan_ , Holly, she's a total badass like me."

" _Mulan_ it is then," Holly confirms, leaning forward to brush a quick kiss to Gail's forehead, "Go jump in the shower first while I make us some more coffee, and then we can kick start your birthday movie marathon," she says as she gathers up the tray and heads back down to the kitchen, leaving Gail to get ready.

The best part about having a lazy birthday spent doing nothing with Holly, Gail discovers, is that when they finally take a break from snuggling on the couch, having watched both _Mulan_ _(_ her favourite _)_ and _Toy Story_ _(_ Holly's favourite _)_ , Holly slips into the kitchen to heat them up some of their favourite peanut butter cookies to snack on, and she gets the chance to give her new record a listen while they wait for them to bake.

As Elvis' heavenly voice fills the room, Gail can't resist grabbing Holly's hand and drawing her into a make-shift birthday dance party right there in the kitchen. It starts with them both doing their best Elvis impressions, their dance moves super exaggerated and ridiculous and making them both giggle as they twirl each other around, but as the record jumps from the fun, fast paced ' _All Shook Up_ ' to the soft, intimate rendition of the classic ' _Can't Help Falling In Love_ ', Gail can't help but notice an unreadable look blossoming in Holly's dark eyes, her dance moves halting suddenly as she bashfully averts Gail's gaze and quietly claims that she needs to go check on the cookies.

As she watches Holly momentarily retreat, Gail can't help but wonder if it's making Holly's mind flashback to Vegas; the cheap gold-plastic ring Gail proposed with, the Elvis-themed chapel they drunkenly got married in, and the motel with the heart-shaped bed where they made love for the first and only time.

When Holly can't look at her for the rest of the afternoon without blushing, it feels like it might have, and when Holly doesn't withdraw from her like she has done previously, and instead shyly lets Gail keep snuggling with her even though her cheeks are flushed a bright crimson, Gail can't help but feel like it's the universe's way of giving her a sign that maybe it is time for her to lay her heart out on the line.

* * *

As the afternoon blurs into the early evening, Holly makes them a reservation at Gail's favourite Thai place, and they part ways to get themselves ready with Holly promising to pick Gail up in a couple of hours.

Despite what people may think, Gail's always enjoyed getting dressed up to go out – the dresses in all styles and colours, the different height heels that help enhance her pale legs, and most importantly the vibrant lipsticks that always leave her mouth looking hypnotising – even though she knows on the rare occasions that she does get all dolled-up, that it comes as an utter surprise to those so used to seeing her on a daily basis, normally fresh-faced and wearing her trusty combat-boots and leather jacket.

But with nerves fluttering unexpectedly in her stomach at the thought of spending the evening alone with Holly – it's not on a date-date, she's knows, just dinner, and yet everything about it feels _more_ somehow – as she stands in front of her mirror staring at her reflection, Gail can't help but fret frantically over what to wear, wanting her outfit to be absolutely perfect so that it wows Holly completely.

It feels important to get something as simple as what she's going to be wearing right, to give her that added boost of confidence she knows she's going to need when the time comes to bare her soul and spill her heart to Holly.

In the end, Gail settles on her trusty little black dress. It's cliched, she knows, but it is a classic, and paired with her favourite black heels she feels her resolve strengthen, calming her rapidly beating heart that's been hammering anxiously as the time grows ever nearer. Normally, if she were going out on a date, she'd opt for her favourite red lipstick, knowing that the likes of Chris and Nick could never resist glancing down at her mouth for the entire evening, utterly mesmerised with her kissable lips, but tonight, Gail thinks it's more fitting not to be so bold. Instead, she feels that it's more appropriate to leave her lips nude, only glossing them to give them a little bit of a shine, exposing her true self instead hiding behind a glamourous facade; she wants Holly to see her bare and vulnerable and completely honest when she confesses her feelings, a reassurance for Holly that what she's admitting is really real.

With only a few more minutes until Holly arrives to pick her up, Gail gives herself a final glance over in the mirror, peering deeply into her own eyes as she takes several deep steadying breaths to prepare herself. It's going to be scary but Gail knows that they can't keep dancing around each other any longer. It's been three months since they drunkenly married in Vegas and her eyes were opened to the depth of her feelings for her best friend, and with every day she's spent with Holly since then, Gail knows she's only fallen more and more in love.

Curling her fingers around the cheap, gold-plastic ring she proposed with, Gail knows that it's time, that it's the right thing to do, especially now that she's fairly certain that Holly is nervously and tentatively embracing her feelings for her too. She just has to make Holly see that they're in these new, uncharted waters together.

As the doorbell rings out through the house, Gail takes a final readying breath and drops the gold-plastic ring into her purse for good luck, and makes her way to greet her best friend for an evening hopefully neither of them will ever forget.

When she opens the door, it's to find Holly dorkily wearing a party hat, clutching a beautiful bouquet of yellow, red-tipped roses with a party blower dangling from the corner of her mouth. The playful spark in Holly's dark eyes is swiftly replaced with one of awe as her gaze drifts over Gail, taking every inch of her in, the party blower unintentionally extending out with a comical noise that makes Gail laugh as Holly blinks wordlessly back at her for a few appreciative seconds.

"I'll take that as a compliment, Lunchbox," Gail chuckles, her heart flopping happily as she snaps Holly back out of her admiring haze.

Holly reaches up to pull the party blower out of her mouth. "You should," Holly concurs with a bright smile, her eyes drifting over Gail quickly once more. "You look incredible, Gail."

"Thank you," Gail murmurs, feeling herself blushing under Holly's heated gaze.

Holly's soft, warm eyes trail over her again, as if she can't resist absorbing Gail for another long drawn out moment before she catches herself. "For you," Holly says shyly, her cheeks flushing as she hands over the roses. "One rose for each of your thirty-five years. They're nowhere near as beautiful as you, but I tried."

Gail feels her cheeks burning even hotter at the compliment, and as she reaches out to take them from Holly, she makes sure to purposefully let their fingers brush, the slight contact sending a ripple of electricity down her spine.

"Thank you, they're lovely," she replies, ducking her nose to breathe in their gorgeous scent, "and so are you," Gail adds affectionately, letting her eyes properly take in Holly for the first time; her long legs highlighted in her dark leather pants and heels, the white blouse she's wearing contrasting stunningly with her olive skin, and her soft, dark hair flowing alluringly down around her shoulders in soft, delicate waves that Gail has the sudden urge to reach out and touch.

"I guess I don't scrub up too badly," Holly quips bashfully, looking down at herself a little self-consciously.

"You look amazing, Hol," Gail reaffirms, reaching out to lay her hand reassuringly on Holly's forearm until her best friend looks up at her with a small, crooked smile that makes Gail's insides melt.

"You ready to go?" Holly asks as Gail draws her hand back and settles the bouquet on the side-table in the hallway.

Gail nods in response, clutching at her purse and feeling her love for Holly radiating out from the cheap, gold-plastic ring hidden away inside, giving her the courage she needs as she reaches out take Holly's awaiting hand and begin the night that will alter their lives forever.

* * *

When they arrive at the restaurant the waiter that greets them leads them to a table off in the back, tucked away in the corner away from everybody, romantically lit up with candles and decorated with lily's as a centre-piece. There's soft, gentle music playing in the background, and as Gail takes her seat opposite Holly, their eyes meeting as they share a small, shy smile, it feels like the perfect set-up.

For the most part, Gail forgets her nerves, their friendship easing them into a contented comfortableness as they talk easily throughout the evening, making each other laugh and smile as they playfully steal bites of each other's desserts. It's all very normal except for the added undercurrent sparking between them as the tone of their banter shifts from teasing and witty to slightly daring and flirtatious, and leaves them both smiling shyly with blushing cheeks as they bashfully avert each other's gaze.

But the thing that really reminds Gail that something has shifted between them, is the way Holly seems to be checking her out throughout the night. She knows Holly has a thing for women in formal attire, a crisp white shirt and black tie always a weakness for her, but as her dark eyes keep trailing appraisingly over Gail with such enrapture and yearning, Gail thinks that the sleek black dress she's chosen to show off her curves may be working just as well, if not better.

The fiery appreciation that smoulders to life in Holly's eyes as her gaze flickers over her long, pale, exposed legs as they stand to leave, causes Gail's heart to race unbearably fast, a surge of heat flooding through her and making her skin prickle with the overwhelming desire to feel Holly's touch on her naked flesh, and leaves her aching to touch Holly in return.

As Holly holds her hand out for Gail to take with an inviting smile, their fingers easily entwining and feeling like they're meant to fit together, Gail can feel the words crawling up from her heart and settling on the tip of her tongue, and knows that the moment they get back to the privacy of Holly's townhouse, she's finally going to set them free.

* * *

When Gail steps foot outside the restaurant – her thoughts clouded with how to put the depth of her feelings into words that Holly will truly understand – she finds her hand jolting free from Holly's grasp as she collides forcefully with an unsuspecting group of people passing by.

The person she impacts with the most solidly – a tall, well built man with jet-black hair – reaches out instinctively to steady her, an apology spilling instantly from his lips as his concerned, deep blue eyes lock with hers.

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me," he beseeches with a remorseful, tight-lipped smile, his eyes glancing over Gail for signs of injury. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

Gail shakes her head wordlessly in response, the shock of the collision stealing her breath momentarily from her. "No, I'm fine, thank you," she reassures. "It's not entirely your fault anyway, I wasn't paying attention as I came out of the door."

Holly rushes to her side then, her hand immediately pressing to the small of Gail's back. "Oh my god, Gail, are you okay?" she blurts worriedly, her eyes wide and panicked as she looks Gail over for herself despite the question.

Gail nods and flashes Holly a comforting smile, but before she can vocalise her answer to fully assure her best friend, the man who prevented her from falling flat on her face is eyeing Holly in recognition, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Dr. Stewart," he greets, drawing Holly's attention. "I didn't expect to see you this evening."

Holly glances at the group of people silently waiting behind him and smiles sheepishly at him as she returns his greeting, "Good evening, Dr. Ivanov."

"I was just apologising to your absolutely stunning friend here," he explains, his eyes falling back to Gail's and glimmering admiringly. "It would seem my expert observational skills have abandoned me this evening, for me to have so carelessly knocked such an angel from the sky."

The wink he tacks onto the end of his super cheesy line is enough to make Gail want to barf, but before she can cut his enormous ego down to size, Holly's hand slides around from her back to settle on her hip, drawing Gail possessively into her side.

"Honey," Holly says purposefully, her eyes darting quickly to Gail's before flicking back to Dr. Ivanov's, "this is my boss, the medical director of Toronto, Dr. Milo Ivanov; and this, sir, is my _wife,_ Gail."

It's the very first time Holly has explicitly referred to Gail as her wife, and Gail feels a shiver ripple down her spine at the way Holly proudly announces the title and so boldly claims Gail as her own, her lips twisting into a smirk as she watches Dr. Ivanov's face wash over with surprise.

"I didn't know you were married, Dr. Stewart," Dr. Ivanov says, taking a subtle step backwards, relenting his interest in Gail as he nods at Holly in polite understanding.

Holly smiles in satisfaction at his retreat, and draws Gail impossibly closer to her side. "We're newlyweds," she explains, turning to Gail with a soft, lopsided smile that melts Gail's insides and makes her smile back just as affectionately, her own hand snaking around Holly's body to return the intimate pose.

"Three months and counting," Gail adds with a toothy grin, her ecstatically fluttering heart making her feel lightheaded with unadulterated happiness.

"Well then, in that case, Dr. Stewart, please join us and allow me to buy you and your wife a drink to apologise for so rudely bumping into her and interrupting your evening," Dr. Ivanov offers kindly.

Gail notices Holly hesitating briefly, even as a few more people in the group nod there hello's Holly's way, and as Holly's fingers flex unconsciously against her hip, pulling Gail against her tighter still so that they're snugly pressed flush against each other, Gail decides she kind of likes the idea of Holly showing her off as her wife, and that going for a drink may actually help bolster her courage when the time comes for her to reveal the depth of her feelings.

"That's very kind of you, we'd love to join you for a drink, Dr. Ivanov, thank you," Gail agrees, easing Holly's sudden apprehension with a soft smile and shifting to put a little space between their bodies, just enough that she can entangle their hands together once more as they follow Dr. Ivanov and the group down the street to an upmarket wine bar.

As the group settles around a table with a round of drinks – Holly instantly shuffling their chairs closer together and lovingly resting her hand on Gail's knee without a second thought – the conversation begins to pass freely between people, and Gail's ears can't help but pick up snippets of scientific lingo flowing around them.

Dr. Ivanov must notice the confusion etching over her face because he simply grins over at her. "You must hear enough about forensic pathology at home with Holly's work without all of us chattering on about it now," he says kindly, but his ambiguous answer only serves to make Gail's brow furrow in deeper confusion. "I must say, I was disappointed when Holly declined the invitation for tonight," he adds in a feigned whisper as Holly looks their way. "Only Toronto's finest are here with me tonight and getting to know them a little outside of work is definitely helping to shape my decision on who should replace the assistant medical director at the end of the month."

Gail blinks back at him for a long drawn out moment before glancing around at the rest of the group, picking some of the faces out that she's worked with in passing over the years she's been a police officer – Dr. Fredrick from twenty-seven division, and Dr. Miller from twelfth – and as her gaze flicks over to lock with Holly's – her expression growing sheepish as she coyly worries her bottom lip – Gail finally realises exactly who these people are.

"You're all forensic pathologists," she drawls slowly, her eyes flitting back across to Dr. Ivanov, and knowing the answer even before he speaks.

"Yes, of course," he nods in amused response. "These are are all the candidates I'm considering interviewing for the promotion, and your wife was in the running before she declined my invitation with the excuse that she had important, unbreakable plans."

Holly hasn't said a word to her about the possibility of any chance at an upcoming promotion, and with Dr. Ivanov's explanation echoing inside her mind, Gail knows why. She knows that Holly has sacrificed the opportunity to achieve a career move she so desperately wants for the simple reason that it fell on the same night as Gail's birthday, and their tradition dictates that they spend their birthday's together, always, no matter what.

Gail feels a wave of surprise flooding over her at the news, her heart thumbing wildly in her chest with utter disbelief as a burst of unbridled love explodes throughout her, and as she turns to meet Holly's gaze once more, her best friend's cheeks flushing bashfully and her shoulders shrugging as she flashes Gail a small, timid smile, Gail knows she's well and truly caught Holly out.

"My birthday," Gail murmurs quietly in astonished explanation, receiving a subtle nod from Holly.

Holly's spent all day putting her wants and needs first, and making sure her birthday is enjoyable and special when instead she should have been preparing herself for something Gail knows she's been working so hard for, especially lately, and the thought of Holly being so completely and utterly selfless just to ensure Gail's happiness makes Gail fall in love with her best friend all over again.

"She didn't tell you," Dr. Ivanov asks knowingly, glancing between them cautiously, obviously realising he's let the cat out of the bag, and Gail simply shakes her head absently in response, her eyes never leaving Holly's as she stares back at her with overwhelming awe and adoration.

Gail moves on instinct then, gently reaching out to tenderly cradle Holly's face, watching as warm brown eyes glimmer back at her in wonderment, and leans in to press a soft, sweet, kiss to the corner of Holly's mouth, her lips lingering against Holly's for far longer than they should. She hopes more than anything that Holly can feel the sheer gratitude radiating out of her as she lets their foreheads nestle together, their eyes remaining shut as they get lost in each other for a long moment, and Holly's breath exhaling shakily out against Gail's lips as Gail's fingertips loving stroke along her jaw, keeping her close.

"You should be proud of your wife, Gail," Dr. Ivanov voices, breaking through their bubble and reluctantly drawing them apart, their eyes shyly and slowly fluttering open to meet one another as reality crashes back over them. "Dr. Stewart is one of the youngest, most hard working and talented forensic pathologists I've ever come across is my career."

Gail catches Holly humbly averting her eyes at his praise, and can't help but feel the overcoming need to add to his compliment and boost Holly's confidence even further, especially now, knowing the bitter blow from her parents still plagues the darkest corners of Holly's brilliant mind.

"I'm extremely proud of her," she says assuredly, her eyes softening as Holly's flicker up to meet her gaze, her hand curling affectionately over the hand Holly still has settled on her knee, before returning her eyes to Dr. Ivanov, and cheekily adding, "Holly _is_ hard working and dedicated but you've only caught a glimpse of how incredible her mind is. That's why, despite her selflessly declining your invitation to put _my_ needs first, I still think you should give her a shot at the promotion. She'd never let you down again and we both know she's the right person for the job, she'd make it a priority to succeed in the position. I mean, she could juggle all of its challenges with one hand and still be writing research to publish with the other."

Dr. Ivanov lets out a breathy chuckle at her boast even as Holly's cheeks flush a burning crimson. "That's quite the recommendation," he says with a convinced smile and throwing a wink Gail's way before turning his head to address Holly, "I think your wife might me onto something, Dr. Stewart. You had best make yourself an appointment to see me next week so we can talk details."

"I- I will, thank you, Dr. Ivanov," Holly stutters disbelievingly, and Gail affectionately bumps their shoulders together, successfully making Holly's lips quirk up in an adorable smile as her eyes glimmer with gratitude.

The conversation turns less serious after that, the talk shifting to movies and sports and music as another round of drinks are ordered in, and Gail finds herself unexpectedly enjoying the evening spent getting to know Holly's peers. At some point, Holly's arm settles lovingly around her shoulders, drawing Gail in against her side and allows Gail to daringly rest her own hand down on Holly's knee, her fingertips idly tracing patterns against her flesh and making Holly's body shudder in response. It feels so natural to be in the role of Holly's partner, still her best friend but her wife too, and Gail knows she could get easily used to the shift on a more permanent basis.

By the time people start excusing themselves to leave, Gail finds herself almost reluctant to go, not wanting to break the intimate spell she and Holly have spent themselves in for most of the evening as wife and wife, and feeling her heartbeat nervously beginning to pick up pace once more as time draws close for them to part from the group and finally be alone. Alone, with nothing but Gail's overwhelming love eagerly waiting on the tip of her tongue, desperately desiring to finally be spoken true and set free for Holly's ears and heart to hear.

"I hope to see you soon, Dr. Stewart, we really do have much to discuss," Dr. Ivanov says with a smile as they exit the bar, and then flicking his eyes to Gail, adds, "Mrs Stewart, it was lovely to meet you. I hope to see much more of you along with Holly from now on."

They both return his smile and kindly bid him goodnight, watching as he begins to walk off in the opposite direction before letting their eyes fall back to each other's. A beat of silence passes between them as they share a tentative smile, not quite knowing what to say now there's no need for such a blatant act, and so Holly simple hooks their arms together and quietly starts to walk them in the direction of their parked car.

Gail lets herself lean into Holly as they walk, their silence for once not stifling but comfortable as they continue to glance at each other out of the corner of their eyes and trade small, shy smiles. With every step they take, their shoulders brushing together and making a spark ripple down Gail's spine, Gail feels her heartbeat grow increasingly rapid, and the words she so longs to speak begin to echo so loudly around inside her skull that she can't take it for a second longer.

Her step falters as she tugs Holly to an unexpected stop, and as dark, warm eyes turn to her with a flash of concern, Gail feels her chest clench anxiously, knowing that this is the moment, that there's no going back now, not after this.

"Honey?" Holly murmurs worriedly, her eyebrow quirking questioningly as Gail swallows thickly and blinks wordlessly back at her as blood rushes loudly in her ears.

"I just- I wanted to say-" Gail stutters, stumbling over the words, and feeling herself get lost in the depth of Holly's beautiful eyes. "Thank you for making my birthday so wonderful, Hol," she starts softly.

"You're more than welcome," Holly replies just as softly, her lips curling up into a smile as she shakes her head and adds, "I think I should be thanking you though, for getting me that appointment with Dr. Ivanov."

"Are you kidding? You don't need to thank me, Holly," Gail retorts in disbelief. "You would have gotten the job yourself if you hadn't sacrificed the meeting just to take me out on my birthday... I mean, I still can't believe you did for that for me..."

Holly just shrugs back at her with a shy smile, like what she did was nothing, and it's so utterly selfless that Gail can't resist reaching out to draw Holly into a deep embrace, immediately burying her nose in the crook of Holly's neck and breathing her in as she holds her tight.

"You're worth it," Holly confesses in a quiet whisper, her hands wrapping around Gail in return, and her breath tickling the shell of Gail's ear and making her shudder in response.

Gail feels a wave of overwhelming love surge through her at the admission, her heart hammering so wildly in her chest that she fears it will break free if she doesn't release it soon, and as she slowly releases her tight hold on Holly and draws back just enough to search out her face, the moment their eyes meet, Gail feels the oxygen rush from her lungs at the intense adoration glimmering openly in Holly's gaze.

It feels like the moment Gail has been achingly yearning for for weeks as their foreheads naturally come to rest together, their noses affectionately bumping against one another as their lips hover mere centimetres apart, and leaves Gail in breathless anticipation as they teeter on the edge of that line they're been balancing so precariously on since Vegas.

"Dr. Ivanov was right by the way," Holly murmurs, her voice a barely audible whisper, and her ever darkening eyes growing heavy-lidded as they flicker between Gail's own and her lips, "you do look absolutely stunning tonight, Detective."

Gail exhales shakily as Holly unconsciously presses closer to her, bringing their hips flush together as her hands idly move over Gail's body; smoothing up and down her waist before daringly creeping around to the small of her back, her fingertips tracing languidly up and down Gail's spine as if she's etching Gail's every curve into her memory before her hands seem to absently drift down even lower, her hands boldly palming Gail's ass and forcing them impossibly closer still.

"I gathered you approved by the way you haven't been able to keep your hands off me all night, Dr. Stewart," Gail purrs in an equally soft whisper, Holly's brave caress encouraging her to throw off her lingering nerves and be a little daring as she scratches her nails at the nape of Holly's neck and feels her tremble in response.

It's almost as if the moment Gail dares to give voice to what's happening though, highlighting just how much things are changing between them, it completely shatters the moment of intimacy blossoming between them. Holly seems to process how truly close together they're pressed and where exactly her hands are resting, how they're far lower than they should be, and jarringly snaps them back with a heated flush burning hotly across her cheeks.

"Oh god, I'm- I'm _so_ sorry," Holly stutters apologetically as she hurriedly steps back, desperately putting space between them and leaving Gail's head spinning at the swift change of pace. Gail reaches for her at once as fear floods through her, urgently trying to reclaim the sudden distance between them and wanting nothing more than to soothe Holly, but Holly adamantly shakes her head and clears her throat. "I'm sorry, I'm sosorry," she repeats firmly, her eyes refusing to meet Gail's. "I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean- I wasn't- we're not- I shouldn't have..."

"Relax Lunchbox, it's fine," Gail cuts in soothingly, wanting nothing more than to reassure her as Holly trails frantically off, her eyes wide and confused as she shakes her head to herself and looks down at her hands like they've betrayed her. "You're allowed to feel your wife up," Gail quips comfortingly with a small smile, hoping to break Holly out of her freak-out mode, "it's all part of the married perks of us being the Stewarts."

Gail watches something in Holly shift swiftly at her words, her eyes glazing over and her face washing over with an unreadable expression as she steps back even further, and shakes her head, her brow furrowing in deep thought, as she physically and emotionally distances herself from Gail.

"No, it's _not_ fine," Holly says quietly, lifting her stony eyes to meet Gail's and making a lump lodge in Gail's throat as her body rushes with icy panic, Holly's voice growing stronger as she adds, "This isn't just some joke – _marriage_ isn't a joke to me, Gail. It's _not_ a game, it's our lives. _What the hell are we doing?_ " she exclaims in exasperation, more to herself than to Gail as she reaches up to cover her mouth with her hand, and then, "We can't keep carelessly playing around like it's nothing."

Gail's hurt lurches painfully in her chest as Holly's words slash into her, cutting her deeply and leaving her too stunned to move, her brain struggling to understand how they've gone so swiftly from being so close to kissing and revealing their feelings, to Holly brushing their marriage off as _nothing_.

It doesn't make sense for it to all be spiralling so utterly out of control, this isn't how Gail had planned for it to go. She was supposed to make Holly see all that they could be, not all that they aren't.

"We're not just... carelessly playing around, Holly," Gail rebuts, her voice cracking as she struggles to find words powerful enough to calm and convince Holly that everything is how it's supposed to be, that this is how they were always destined to end up; together and in love and happy. "We're just... we were waiting for the right time," Gail stutters as she implores Holly with her eyes, "and now we-"

"We've let this go _too far_ ," Holly shakes her head and swallows thickly, her fingers reaching up to anxiously adjust her glasses. "There's never going to be a _right_ time for us to get divorced, Gail. It doesn't work like that, and we were foolish to think it did; look at _my parents_ for god's sake, I _can't_ \- I _don't_ want us to be the Stewarts!" Holly exhales in horrifying realisation. "We were waiting for my research to be published, and now it is, so we have no excuse to allow this to drag on any longer."

"Holly..." Gail pleads helplessly, reaching for her again and feeling her heart lodge in her throat when Holly just implacably shakes her head and steps back, holding her hands up almost defensively, as if to protect herself from Gail's justifications. "Wait, just slow down a second, okay, we're not the same as them, we're still figuring things out now-"

"No," Holly snaps pointedly, her voice biting, and shutting Gail down forcefully in a way she never has before. It makes Gail's stomach drop, a harsh wave of reality rushing through her and making her blood run cold at the finality of Holly's words. "We're not- we're _not_ together, Gail. I mean what am _I_ even doing? You're _straight_ for fuck's sake," Holly mumbles, more to herself again, and then, "There's nothing to figure out, we just need to put a stop to this now and deal with it before we let ourselves get any more confused and hurt."

"Holly..." Gail repeats in a hopeless whimper, shaking her head feebly even as she feels her eyes stinging with tears, knowing deep in her soul that she's missed her chance, that she's too late to say those three little words now, and oddly it makes her heart clench achingly at how unsurprising it is.

Everything Gail thought they'd been building between them is suddenly crumbling rapidly apart and there's nothing she can do to stop it. Of course she's messed it up, Gail thinks dejectedly, love and her just aren't meant to go together. You would have thought she'd have learned that by now.

"You _promised_ me, we wouldn't let this mess us up, Gail," Holly murmurs dismally, finally stepping forward to reach tentatively for Gail's hand and squeezing beseechingly. "Please, okay? I need us to fix this. I can't lose you, I need my best friend more than anything else is the world. _Please_ , Gail," Holly begs frantically, her eyes wide and desperately pleading, "just _don't_ \- _I can't_ -" Holly shakes her head again as her eyes brim with tears, " _I can't_ ," she repeats in a small, helpless whisper, "I just... I _need_ things _not_ to change; I need us to keep being _us._ _Please_."

She feels her heart breaking as Holly begs her not to alter who they are, shattering into millions of shards that get lost amongst the ruins of their potential love, of all the 'what could have been's', as Holly withdraws away from their intimacy, shutting the slight opening their was in her heart for the opportunity of them to be more.

Gail doesn't say anything, she can't, for if she does she fears her words will betray her.

She had meant it when she promised Holly that she wouldn't let them lose their friendship over this whole ordeal, and even though she knows the weight of her love will be so heavy some nights that it will be excruciating to harbour it, Gail looks into her best friend's profoundly pleading eyes and nods wordlessly in acquiescence.

The promise she made honoured; her best intentions to protect their hearts resulting in the very worst way imaginable on a night she knows she'll never forget.

* * *

The drive back to the frat house is shrouded in a suffocating, unbearably palpable, tense silence, heavy rain thundering down against the windshield, and thick grey clouds rolling across the sky, the sudden shift in the atmosphere mirroring the gloom that's penetrated every inch of Gail's mind, body and soul.

"What do you want me to do now?" Gail asks in a quiet voice as they pull up outside her house, her body feeling entirely numb.

Holly doesn't look chance looking over at her, instead, she keeps looking out the windscreen for a long few moments, watching the world outside them being soaked in the downpour. "Nothing," she finally voices sorrowfully. "I'll do it all. I'm the one who- I'll call one of the divorce lawyers I looked up... get the ball rolling so we can fix this mistake and finally get back to normal."

Hearing Holly call what's happened between them a mistake feels like the biggest blow of all, it makes Gail's extremely beaten and bruised heart feel like it's lodged itself between her lungs and her ribcage, and makes every breath she tries to draw feel like a tortuous gasp for air.

In this moment, as she searches Holly's eyes out, refusing to look away until Holly relents and glances shamefully at her, Gail knows her heart will never be whole again, not now she doesn't know how to separate what they could have been with what they are forever set in stone to be.

She doesn't know how she will ever be able to once again divide where one begins and the other ends, not now that she's been so cruelly granted a taste of all they could have been. It feels like it will be impossible to forget the chance that sparked momentarily between them, but Gail knows she'll have to try if she doesn't want to lose Holly completely, because if she doesn't, she knows that she won't be able to keep Holly as part of her life, and Pecks don't break promises. They're loyal to the very end, no matter the cost, even if being friends with Holly is all she'll ever be, Gail knows she'll just have to learn to live with it. She'll have to be grateful for having such a wonderful person in her life at all, no matter how painful or how difficult it will be as she always quietly yearns for more; her heart's suffering will have to be hers to burden alone.

"Whatever you want, Holly," Gail replies solemnly, even as a little bit of untameable hurt and anger flares up in her voice when she adds, "Just let me know when you need me to fulfil my next duty and free you from our horrid _mistake_."

Holly's eyes flash with regret in response to Gail's wounding words, her bottom lip quivering slightly as her mouth opens and closes wordlessly in a desperate attempt to make things right between them somehow, but Gail simply ignores the way her insides gnaw unpleasantly at the sight of Holly's eyes brimming with hurt-filled tears, and storms from the car without waiting for Holly to find her voice.

Nothing Holly could say could possibly ease the relentless ache Gail knows will forever torment her heart from now on anyway, just as she knows there's nothing she can say that can break through the terrified scars Holly's parents have inflicted upon her fiercely guarded heart and open her up to the joy and beauty that love can bring when given the chance.

A chance, Gail now knows, that even if part of Holly's heart wanted – and she's no longer certain it ever really has – Holly's too terrified to take with her.

They've both made their choices, now they've just got to learn to live with them; for better and for worse.


End file.
